Abusive Father - Sent a Very Nasty Text to our Son

[Deleted User]

I have a wonderful 18 year old boy who has overcome many challenges and is making a real success of his life. He has ASD, very intelligent but had to deal with a lot of bullying etc.

I split from his father some years ago. UIt wasn't a good relationship. I have been my son's full time carer and am on benefits. 18 months ago the CSA started taking money out of his father's earnings. Then he changed jobs and it all stopped 8 months ago. Now they've done an inland revenue trace on him and made a new assessment. Its double what it was and obviously arrears have mounted. Couldn't make a private arrangement with him because i knew I'd be lucky if it lasted a month.

Now he's sent a text to our son.., rather nasty.., ending with the line 'I hope you slit your throat'. Seriously. He's very angry obviously. My son is at college, stunned and very upset obviously. I'm going to go and get him as soon as I can arrange a lift. I've told him that this is nothing to do with him, its not his fault etc and told him how much I love him but really, I'm not sure its going to help.

But meanwhile should I do anything.., go to the Police? The message calls my son a thief, says he isn't his son, a waste of his time, lots of swear words, then tells him to slit his throat. Its really rather nasty and shocking. Or should I just ignore it. I don't want to make things worse but I am shocked (even though his father has been quite angry with me) that he could write like this. We live 130 miles away so hopefully we won't be getting a visit anytime soon.

paulofessex

I would certainly seek advice from the police, perhaps ask the local community officer, not a pcso, to visit you and son at home so son can express his feelings about the text etc in an environment he is used to.

pops5588

Honestly? The police never helped us with all the abuse we received from my father and step-mother. I know it's frustrating but it would probably be a waste of your time. By all means flag it up with them but don't expect much.

It sounds like you and your son have a great relationship and that's all he needs. He must be very shocked and upset, understandably so but as long as he has you he will be fine, even if it takes a while to get his head round it.

What a vile excuse for a father is all I can say.

paulineb_2

Yes, I'd contact police. Its a very nasty text indeed, harassment.

Vicky123

The police may be willing to have a word with your ex but probably not much more than that, could even cause your son more distress.
Is there anyone in college that could offer to support your son?

Pechow

Contact them-even if nothing comes of it, it's good to have a record of these things in case anything happens in the future.

marisco_2

I am sorry to hear of all you are going through. This must have come as such a horrible shock to your son and yourself. A truly awful way for a dad to treat his son. Could your sons mobile provider block his dad from being able to contact him? In the meantime I would suggest keeping any messages received. If things escalate and your ex starts to make actual threats toward your son, that would be the time to involve the police.

Indie_Kid

Speak to the police. And block his number on your son's phone if you can.

peachyprice

I would contact the police, not necessarily because I would expect them to do very much, but just so that your son knows you are doing something.

Also, I would change his number, get a new sim if he's PAYG or ask for it to be changed by his provider if he's on a contract. He can save all his contacts to his phone and send them all his new number easily enough. This man cannot be trusted not to do this again.

whitewing

Good on you that your son comes to you with this, rather than bottling it up.

Maybe he can discuss it with a college counsellor?

The police around us are very good and it would be worth seeking their advice.

minimoneysaver

I would certainly take this threat seriously and I would hope that the police would too. I'm glad your son told you. You must have a fab relationship with him. x