Father - Relationship breakdown

artfulldodger86

Good Afternoon.

I am in a bit off a mess and need some advice. I have tried Citizens advice but i spend my whole dinner hour on hold and don't get anywhere.

I have recent broke up with my partner. We have two children under 5 and a mortgage. To save arguments i moved out of the home and into my parents box room.

The mortgage and all the bills are in my name and i pay every one off them. My Ex partner does the food shopping and pays for the childcare - part of which we get help with.

My problem is now my partner will not move out of the house. i am financially tied to the house and as a result i cannot rent anywhere or get a mortgage as a result of my outgoings on this property. I am basically stuck.

i just want to know what my rights are and what my ex is entitled too. i will of course be paying over £300 in maintenance to her for my two children but i am 27 years old, and unable to move on with my life.

i have worked since i was 16 with my own house and my ex moved in with me four years ago.

any advice i would greatly appreciate

Gigglepig

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Are you married?
If your ex moved out, would you be prepared to have the kids living with you? If not, does your ex have the money for a deposit on a new place where she could live with the kids? Is it a possibility that you move back in and keep living together whilst things get sorted?

I understand that you are impatient but it might take a while to save up enough to move on.

Eta - even if you were not married, if you have been living together with kids seems fair enough to split the value the house went up in the four year period, as you both contributed to the household though in different ways.

BitterAndTwisted

You move back in. If your ex doesn't like it they can make their own arrangements. With two children in tow s/he is likely to qualify for a contribution towards the rent via LHA (Local Housing Allowance) where you will get none because you are a home-owner.

Why are the bills still in your name if you are no longer living there?

As you have children you both will have a responsibility to ensure the children are adequately house, but that does not mean s/he will be entitled to half of the equity in your property. How long did you own it for before s/he moved in with you?

thorsoak

1. Are you married?

2. How long have you been together?

3. Are the children both yours?

4. Does your partner work?

2. As I read it, the house is in your sole name - am I correct?

artfulldodger86

Thanks all.

I am not married

we have been together for five years or there abouts

Both Children are mine.

She does work full time but cannot take on the house as no banks will lend her the money.

yes the house, council tax, bills are all in my name.

I would love to have the kids with me but my Ex (their Mother) will not move out

artfulldodger86

I have always owned the house and she has never contributed to any bills except the food shop and childcare which i dont pay anything towards

19lottie82

Hi OP, I agree, you paying all the bills and maintenance cannot continue long term.

If your ex will not leave, all you can do is move back in.

Try to have a rational discussion with your ex. Sit down with her and explain your predicament / the situation, and ask her what she suggests you and her do.


I'm sure your ex would love to stay in your house forever, without you, while you pay the bills, but it is important that she realises that this is not an option.

If you are not married, as the house is in your name, you could, legally, change the locks when she was out and not let her back in. If I were you I'd make sure that she knows you CAN do this but you really don't want to.

Therefore I would suggest, if you can afford it, helping your ex to find a private rental (i.e. first months rent and deposit) for her and the children, while the benefits that she is entitled to come through. Assure her that you will continue to pay her maintenance and help her claim the benefits that she is entitled to.

BitterAndTwisted

"Always owned the house" doesn't tell anyone how long that was.

Being in a couple and one party paying an amount towards the shopping and childcare could be seen as making an equal contribution and could be seen as her being entitled to a share of the equity for as long as your relationship lasted, not a half share of the whole thing. That would be the case if you were married but you are not.

She is not entitled to bar you from the house that you own, so move back in!

good_advice

You need to move back in if you can. Stand your ground as the house is in your name. Sit in a different room if you have to. Count to 10 before you say anything. At least you will see the children.

Best wishes.

BitterAndTwisted

She needs to understand that as she isn't a co-owner she has a limited amount of entitlement to the property's equity, but that excludes the entitlement to prevent you living in your own home while she continues to do so. That you could if you chose, exclude her from living there yourself.

Moving back in could take b@lls of steel but continuing the situation as it is with you paying the mortgage and all of the bills while you live elsewhere is not tenable.

RAS

You can be "separated" but still live in the house.

Put your partner's details into www.turn2us.org.uk and work out what she can claim in the way of WTC, CTC etc.

Interestingly, on the child support forum there is a case where the ex is paying the mortgage and has successfully claimed for a variation of the CSA payment to take this into account. This leaves the mothe rwith very little CSA on top of the benefits she receives.