Years 50-60 compared to 40-50?

dandy-candy

My DH is nearly ten years older than me and turns 50 this year. From 40-50 he didn't change much apart from losing more hair and getting a bigger tummy! This last few months though he has had a bad knee that hasn't got better and his *ahem* "bedtime action" has massively decreased.

I'm getting a bit worried about how different the years from 50-60 are going to be. I don't think of people getting old and slowing down until they are in their 60s but that's based on how my parents were, but maybe they were more active than most people?

Do people become more noticeably old and less fit/healthy after 50? I'm not going to trade him in, but I want to know what to expect!

Parsimonia

Surely it depends on the individual?

My mam and dad are 84 and 87 respectively and marvellous for their age - still doing all their own housework and gardening etc. They've noticeably slowed since they hit their mid-70s but they're still going strong.

MIL is 74 in August and she's as active, slim, fit and healthy as a woman half her age. Most of her friends are about her age and she's the most youthful by a country mile.... not just in looks and figure, but in mental attitude and outlook. In fact, I often feel old, staid and frumpy in comparison

Having said that, her 2nd husband was exactly 10 years older than her and she felt that, as they aged, the age gap seemed to get bigger rather than remain constant.

She said to me once: 'a ten year age gap is massive when you're under 20 and over 70....'

I always thought it was quite an insightful observation.

Savvy_Sue

See if you can get him to go to the GP re the loss of libido / failure to perform: there can be all sorts of reasons for this but it might indicate an underlying health problem which could be simply resolved. Also the bad knee: have things like physiotherapy and hydrotherapy been fully explored? Obviously I have no idea if the situation is like mine, but I had a catastrophic shoulder injury a few years ago, from which I had to work darned hard to regain most of my former range of movement. But if I don't do my exercises every day for the rest of my life I will lose function. And I've also had to take up swimming to keep me mobile.

moneyistooshorttomention

What I noticed personally in the 50s-60s were my looks went:(. I was still reasonably attractive at 50, but at 60:(:eek::(. A bit of time and effort and I should be able to put that back to normal a bit (ie lose the excess weight - though that's a personal thing and not an age thing) and hopefully be able to get my hair thickness back to normal.

I'm a bit stiffer than I was, but I aim to get back to normal once I can focus a bit more on Me (ie when my house renovation I'm currently doing is under control). A few minor little health blips that weren't there at 50 that need some "time and attention" and I should be able to get them back to normal again.

Overall verdict...most of the deterioration 50-60 will be able to be "put back to normal" once I can focus on putting some time and effort into it. But that's the 10 year difference I have noticed...ie its more effort to keep "normal" as you get older.

tommix

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I'm a bit stiffer than I was.

Me too..:beer:

pollypenny

50-60 was much better than 40-50.

40-50 was 15% interest rates! two kids in uni, one after the other, so no grants, counting every penny!

By 50, we'd paid off the mortgage and no longer were keeping students in beer and pizzas. So had some spare cash and plenty of energy for travelling and ourselves.

mumps

I am 60 and don't feel much different to 20 years ago, still in same size clothes, still working, doing housework. I suppose the main change has been acquiring 3 grandchildren so but 20 years ago my two youngest were still under 5 so even that isn't a big change. My eyesight is worse but varifocals are great. Still have all my teeth. Mmmmmmm will have to have a think about what has changed.

joansgirl

I'm just coming up for 57. The biggest change I've noticed has been in the last couple of years. Physically I haven't got as much energy or enthusiasm as I used to have. I struggle to get the lids off jars. I'm nowhere near as strong as I used to be and I sleep more.
Mentally I'm very impatient all the time. I've stopped making allowances for other people and their various foibles. I think I've turned into a grumpy old woman! A lot of this is caused by a lifetime of doing stuff for other people and not getting any appreciation for it, so now I just think "stuff you"! My memory is shot away as well.

Parsimonia

joansgirl wrote: »

I'm just coming up for 57. The biggest change I've noticed has been in the last couple of years. Physically I haven't got as much energy or enthusiasm as I used to have. I struggle to get the lids off jars. I'm nowhere near as strong as I used to be and I sleep more.
Mentally I'm very impatient all the time. I've stopped making allowances for other people and their various foibles. I think I've turned into a grumpy old woman! A lot of this is caused by a lifetime of doing stuff for other people and not getting any appreciation for it, so now I just think "stuff you"! My memory is shot away as well.

That is so interesting! My MIL has also turned into a grumpy old woman - she's like Victoria Medrew!!! But her transformation happened later - her irascibility didn't really emerge until her 2nd husband died 3 years ago, when she'd have been 70. Up until that point she had the sweetest, most lovely nature you could hope to meet.

She says it's because she's had to learn to fight her own battles since her husband died - so she's become belligerent and combative - but it's weird, because she often seems to pick fights with perfectly innocent people (such as bank clerks) who are just trying to help her. And she's become horribly impatient too.

I thought it was just her, but your comment makes me wonder if it's a hormonal thing that happens to every woman!

As for myself, I'm 49 in May, and the thing I notice most as I approach 50 is that I've started groaning every time I get off the sofa as if it causes me pain, when really it doesn't hurt at all! Why do I do that? And when did I start doing it? I thin k it just crept up on me and has become a habit - I must try to break it!!!

joansgirl

Parsimonia wrote: »

That is so interesting! My MIL has also turned into a grumpy old woman - she's like Victoria Medrew!!! But her transformation happened later - her irascibility didn't really emerge until her 2nd husband died 3 years ago, when she'd have been 70. Up until that point she had the sweetest, most lovely nature you could hope to meet.

She says it's because she's had to learn to fight her own battles since her husband died - so she's become belligerent and combative - but it's weird, because she often seems to pick fights with perfectly innocent people (such as bank clerks) who are just trying to help her. And she's become horribly impatient too.

I thought it was just her, but your comment makes me wonder if it's a hormonal thing that happens to every woman!

As for myself, I'm 49 in May, and the thing I notice most as I approach 50 is that I've started groaning every time I get off the sofa as if it causes me pain, when really it doesn't hurt at all! Why do I do that? And when did I start doing it? I thin k it just crept up on me and has become a habit - I must try to break it!!!

This is weird! Reading your post has made me think that maybe the grumpy old woman thing isn't an age thing at all. I, too, lost my husband. It was 4 years ago now and it was shortly after that when the impatience thing started. And your mil is right. In this situation you have to fight your own corner and you do learn not to be such a pushover. And you no longer suffer fools gladly. I think when you go through a bereavement like this you subconsciously take stock and you tend to dismiss other peoples problems because for them "nobody died". You never get over it, you just learn to live with it and while all around you move on with their lives and forget, you don't. It's always at the back and quite often at the forefront of your mind. With that hanging over you all the time it's no wonder we get a bit @rsey. And yes, like your mil I too have had a go at shop assistants and doctors receptionists etc, for no reason really. So, as I said before maybe the impatience thing is more bereavement than ageing.
Groaning when you get up, yep, been doing that for years. Huffing and puffing for no reason when going upstairs , oh yes. I also avoid putting stuff on the floor (like bags) so I don't have to bend down to pick it up again. Needing to sit down to put socks on. Oh, and having a rubber anti slip mat in the shower! The list is endless.

Parsimonia

joansgirl wrote: »

This is weird! Reading your post has made me think that maybe the grumpy old woman thing isn't an age thing at all. I, too, lost my husband. It was 4 years ago now and it was shortly after that when the impatience thing started. And your mil is right. In this situation you have to fight your own corner and you do learn not to be such a pushover. And you no longer suffer fools gladly. I think when you go through a bereavement like this you subconsciously take stock and you tend to dismiss other peoples problems because for them "nobody died". You never get over it, you just learn to live with it and while all around you move on with their lives and forget, you don't. It's always at the back and quite often at the forefront of your mind. With that hanging over you all the time it's no wonder we get a bit @rsey. And yes, like your mil I too have had a go at shop assistants and doctors receptionists etc, for no reason really. So, as I said before maybe the impatience thing is more bereavement than ageing.

Oooh, this is fascinating! MIL is aware of her changed behaviour, and she often explains it by saying that she's spent far too much of her life biting her tongue and keeping the peace, and she can't be bothered to do it any longer. She almost relishes and rejoices in being cantankerous!

For the second half of their marriage her first husband owned and ran a small hotel in Sussex and she said that although he could be a difficult man she had to learn to bite her tongue all the time because there mustn't be an 'atmosphere' in front of the guests.

Her 2nd husband could also at times be a very petty and childish man - this allegedly was why his first marriage had failed. He looked after her well financially, but in return she had to put up with an awful lot in terms of his sulks, moods and tantrums. When he died three years ago I think 2 things happened:

1) She realised that for the first time since she was 16 years old, the only person she had to please was herself

2) She realised that she had to stop being a doormat and stick up for herself, as there was no man to fight her battles for her.

Unfortunately she seems to have taken it a bit too far! She's developed something of a persecution complex, and seems to think everyone is out to cheap, swindle, rob, take-advantage or do her down in some way - she seems to see everyone as venial and predatory. She thinks people prey on weak, unprotected women, and so she thinks attack is the best form of defense.

She's become really belligerent and combative, as if she's always spoiling for a fight! I'm naturally a coward (I have a yellow streak a mile wide, and I HATE conflict in any form) so I cringe when she's so hostile and rude to poor receptionists, waitresses etc. She's horribly impatient and if anyone keeps her waiting she flies off the handle immediately!

Her behaviour is worse towards young, attractive women, so there's probably insecurity at the bottom of it all too....

How awful that it never even occurred to me that this behaviour could be caused by bereavement or grieving!