saddened....separation

RAS

With respect to the flat, you need to check out when the fixed term ends and what notice you need to give.

it will be very hard to sell with tenants (you will get a lot less than if it was owner occupied). It may worth moving in briefly and giving it a lick of paint.

Also do check how much flats like that are now renting for; rental prices have increased in the last year or so.

unsurewhichway

Thank you lots to consider

koan_2

I sense a lot of bad feeling towards the first wife (girlfriend?). She has a cushty life, he respects her but not you, and so on. Your own difficulties are being projected onto her, by the sounds of things.

What do you and your daughter's father both want? Did he want you to be a SAHM and support him, or is he happy enough for you to be out commuting and working while he earns a good wage? It sounds like a breakdown in communication, to me. I'd suggest couple counselling if you are both willing.

pmlindyloo

You sound very sensible and also leaving the way open for reconciliation. Sometimes just time apart puts everything into perspective.

This is a very good link to check that you have everything covered:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/relationships_w/relationships_relationship_problems_e/ending_a_relationship_when_you_re_living_together.htm

yorkshire_terrier_owner

I'm just going to post here to say keep yer chin up ........

It doesn't feel like it, but you WILL get through it.

In the meantime I'm sending you some hugs over the inter web....

:grouphug:

unsurewhichway

Thanks, I think hugs are what I need this evening. Feeling very low indeed. Spoke to my daughter (she is with him in 'our' flat this evening) and obviously chin up for her. But it's very raw and painful.

I think he pities the ex, but when we got together saw me as being very independent career woman....then became a mum and he doesn't know how to handle it to be honest with you. I couldn't afford to be a SAHM even with him, unless things had been different. He would prefer me to work f/t also as he is very career driven, but I don't want my daughter being brought up by the nursery, it's only a few short precious years till they go to school and your influence becomes less and less I feel anyway.

I am sure I will cope, as many others have and do, it's just a sad beginning of a new chapter in my life I guess and have no control really over it.

yorkshire_terrier_owner

Having had 3 long term relationships end, I remember thinking life as I knew it would never be the same again. I didn't know how I would ever find a way through it. I didn't think I would ever feel happy again. But I did. I don't know how I did, I just did. One day, someone will say something funny and you will laugh. One day you will wake up and realise it's not the first thing you thought about. One day, you will realise life is good again. One day, you will realise you are a stronger person for it.

Please trust me on this, in time, you WILL be ok.

unsurewhichway

thank you, you are a lovely person x

unsurewhichway

So I'm at my parents and feel much better just for having dd with me. Have arranged a meeting with mortgage advisor to see whether I can amend current mortgage on the flat I rent out to reduce payments or borrow more/add savings and sell it and move to a 2 bed place with dd. ex has asked to meet tonight to discuss access arrangements for my daughter so will obviously tackle that one as it comes.

I am determined not to use her as a pawn due to him and I

lillie_put

I am sorry you are all going thro this
you sound like a strong lady you will get there
it sounds like at the moment this is the best for all of you especially your DD no matter how young they are they pick up something is not right with mum an dad

right now it is all raw but it will get better
Head up my love Smile even though you really probably don't want to smile
once the mist has gone you will fell stronger fell happier
maybe all you both needed was some time apart just to get your heads in the right place?
now you are not their you both can have time to think things through
an when together maybe talk things out
keep strong things will get better trust me they will
sending you an dd hugs:grouphug: