One of my bridesmaids has dropped out :(

74jax

xCarlyx wrote: »

We still have to invite her and her bf, as she's family. So we have to fork out 120 odd for their food and drinks, for someone who has upset us this much.

Tashatutuw wrote: »

I do rather feel you are missing the point.

She isn't whinging about having to invite said ex-bridesmaid to the wedding at all rather the way this woman has gone about herself.

I have to agree with sharnad she dosn't sound as though she WANTS to invite her.

monkeypuzzle32

having organised my own wedding last year I'd say you'll have to just let other peoples attitudes wash over you or you'll stress yourself out, she may be selfish or she may be embarrassed at having no money or embarrassed at being centre of attention. Only invite people you really want there, I did and didnt worry about inviting the people Iworked with for example as I didnt like most of them , even though its expected of you-the most important thing is you and your H2B are doing what makes you happy!

monkeypuzzle32

actually my friend who got married 2 months before me gave me some very blunt but good advice " no one cares as much about your wedding as you do!" harsh but fair!

storytime

I think you are being very harsh to your ex bridesmaid. If she has money worries the thought of an expensive hen night and then a bridesmaid dress to pay for must have added to her worries. It must have been embarrassing for her to say no without upsetting you. The longer she left telling you the worse it got.My daughter is getting married next year and we are buying the bridesmaid dresses and my daughter is just having a hen night in the local town where she and her bridesmaids live. If you want an expensive wedding don't expect "your "friends to pay for it.
I also think your attitude about paying £120 for each person was appalling how much is the food costing? If you are dividing the cost of the entire wedding by the number of guests to get that figure then you can't think much of your guests. Surely you are inviting them to make the day a lovely one for you and your groom? If you resent the guests that much don't invite them! That will be a strange wedding!

Macca83_2

Last year I got invited to a friends wedding that initially I was really lookidg forward to. Unfortunately as the date got closer I realised I couldn't afford the travel, the night in a hotel, the gift, the dress, money for drinks. I just couldn't justify it. By the time the wedding invites came out I regretfully had to decline. Perhaps your bridemaid feels the same? She's realised that she can't afford the travel for dress fittings, the dress, the hen night etc but is too embarrassed to say and doesn't want you to fork out for it all. You've already said that you're not happy to have to pay 120 quid to have them there. Maybe she's picking up on the resentment?

xCarlyx_2

I think people have gotten the wrong end of the stick. I was hurt by the way she went about it. The fact that I had to ask to actually find out what was going on. The fact that she didnt ring me and the fact that she has let her cousin down (my OH) and not even said a word to him. If she'd rung us, apologised and said she wasn't able to be a bridesmaid, sure I'd have been gutted, but I wouldn't have held any bad feelings. I just felt truly mucked about tbh.

I said 120 for her and her bf for food and drinks, so 60 per person. I didn't divide the cost of the whole wedding between guests, that is just the wedding breakfast. I'm not sure how that could have been misconstrued and twisted into a reflection of how we feel about our guests. We care and love our guests and her; which is clearly why it hurt.

I never said it was an expensive hen do either. I don't have the funds for a massive thing myself. People don't all live in the same area, but that just can't be helped.

There was no resentment for her to pick up on as I only felt like that after everything. The only thing I felt during my reply to her was utter confusion, as she wasn't being remotely clear about anything.

I came on here for support because I felt hurt. We want her at our wedding, we wanted her to be a part of it. We were hurt because it felt like we'd been messed about. There is slightly more to it but I didn't feel the need to copy out every one of her txts. Generally if a friend messes me about and hurts me, I dont really feel like treating them to dinner. It was bitterness yes, we do want her there and would never uninvite someone we care about (which is everyone we have invited), but I would show far more care and respect towards someone than how she has gone about this situation.

Maybe she did feel embarrassed. I didnt really get that impression from her txts, but tone can be a hard thing to read on a screen. She went on two luxury holidays, within a few months of each other and now is broke. I get it, but there are a million more considerate ways she could have told me. I shouldn't have had to ask for a straight answer.

Anyhoo, I'm feeling the need to justify myself over and over again and clear things up and I suppose that could go on forever, one reason that I generally avoid the Internet. I tried to be clear so as not to get into that situation. Thanks to those who have tried to be supportive. I am leaving this thread now as I'm a stressed out nervous wreck atm due to other contributing factors and don't really feel that reading comments about how cr*ppy a person I am is going to help. Why oh why I thought opening up on a forum was a smart choice is beyond me.

74jax

xCarlyx wrote: »

Anyhoo, I'm feeling the need to justify myself over and over again and clear things up and I suppose that could go on forever, one reason that I generally avoid the Internet. I tried to be clear so as not to get into that situation. Thanks to those who have tried to be supportive. I am leaving this thread now as I'm a stressed out nervous wreck atm due to other contributing factors and don't really feel that reading comments about how cr*ppy a person I am is going to help. Why oh why I thought opening up on a forum was a smart choice is beyond me.

Sometimes I post on here to get otherpeople's opinions, but that's what I'm after, not my opinions, iyswim .

I don't mind people people telling me what an idiot I am being, as maybe they are seeing it differently to me.

If you are sensitive then no a forum isn't for you and maybe your hubby to be or friends are a better solution, but I love this site for people giving their views on what I've told them and how blunt people are. It's not like a friend who takes in other factors, we purely go off facts you tell us.

I've just thought, there is a brideziller thread, not that you are one, but it's a thread where brides can really ventand don't get opinions as replies, maybe that would bea good thread . It's not asking for advice, more a 'oh my god guess what's happened' thread.

mrcow

This is the problem with texting people.

You have absolutely no idea how she's feeling or what the actual issues are as you had this conversation by text.

Dump the texts and start speaking to people that matter. Otherwise, you're going to come across as controlling and insensitive. If someone that important to you is telling you that they have money problems, then pick up the phone and work the problem.

Screw your courage and call her today. Tell her you really want her to be there as your bridesmaid as she is an important part of the day and sort this out!

Tashatutuw

xCarlyx wrote: »

Anyhoo, I'm feeling the need to justify myself over and over again and clear things up and I suppose that could go on forever, one reason that I generally avoid the Internet. I tried to be clear so as not to get into that situation. Thanks to those who have tried to be supportive. I am leaving this thread now as I'm a stressed out nervous wreck atm due to other contributing factors and don't really feel that reading comments about how cr*ppy a person I am is going to help. Why oh why I thought opening up on a forum was a smart choice is beyond me.

I think this is the most serious downfall to forums - you at first get all the people who have a genuine opinion, or can see where you are coming from - then it descends into the people who have little of any value to offer and just want to berate you for 'not being understanding/kind/happy/generous/well mannered enough'. I have come away from a few threads like that in the end.

I see your point of view though Carly, whilst I understand what monkeypuzzle says (and is perfectly right about) 'nobody cares as much about your wedding as you', that doesn't mean you won't be upset and hurt when things/people/situations go wrong. And you are well within your right to moan about it and this is supposedly the ideal venue!!

disabled_person

:mad: if I were you I'd say we have had to look at our numbers and we have had to cut down😄😄😄 if she is only a cousin you will probably only see her at weddings/funarls :A keep :rotfl::T:j:A:beer: she is probably jealous. If she goes on hen night tell her it's fancey dress and when she gets there ask omg didn't you get e.mail we changed our minds:rotfl::rotfl::D;);):eek::A:money: