Will dilemma

maman

I'm so glad you're nearer to finding a solution. Do come back and tell us how you get on with the solicitor.:)

Prothet_of_Doom

cydney65 wrote: »

Hello

The eldest has Asperger’s and is at uni. The youngest is married and has just had a daughter.

If I die after my OH then all money/house etc. is split between our daughters equally, with the DD1’s share going into a trust, as her grasp of money isn’t too good.

My OH’s will states that if she dies after me then all her money and the house goes to our youngest daughter. This is the crux of my problem. I am unhappy that our daughters will not be treated equally. In the event that I die first all my money will go to my OH and then will be passed onto DD2 with no provision made for our eldest. My OH says that DD2 will obviously look after DD1 and in that case she is not willing to leave any money to DD1.

?

The way I see it. DD2 might decide that she can't and doesn't give a carp about her older sister, and can and will do what the heck she wants. She might (and probably will) be kind and loving, but she might not.

Your Own will sorts out the issue through a sensible trust, which DD2 might help to manage, but which she can't touch.

Your OH's nievity is massive, and your Trust solution should and could be adopted by her. I don't understand why that is not obvious to her.


There is a related issue though. A high functioning Aspie, at university, should be able to manage her own cash. I think that needs some thought.

getmore4less

Don't loose sight of your own life, make sure you are happy and comfortable.

Saving for the next generation is find but not if you have to give up some of your own life.

cydney65

Hello everyone. I just want to thank you all for your opinions and advice. It's been a bit of a day-my 91 yr old father has been blue lighted to hospital and our 2 week old Granddaughter has had to see a paediatrician so I'm feeling a bit fraught.

So, talked to the solicitor and was able to put forward some of your suggestions for discussion. She was great and went through everything. I decided to go for a 'low tech' solution where I would leave some of my investments to DD1 and my jewellery to DD2, with the bulk of my estate still going to OH. The rest of the will is staying the same so that if I die last then the estate gets split equally between the girls with a trust being set up for DD1, one of the trustees being DD2.

Prophet of doom DD1 is managing her money to a certain extent at uni but her obsessions do take over somewhat. If the money wasn't left in trust there is a danger that she would spend everything on Dr Who memorabilia and she wouldn't have a roof over her head or anything to eat. I do help her out quite a bit in this respect but she is doing amazingly well, I'm so proud of her.

I did go and see DD2 after the solicitor and talked things through with her. She is happy to jointly run DD1's trust with her aunt but is a bit concerned about inheriting all of OH's estate. She is perfectly fine with helping out her sister but does feel the burden of responsibility without a formal trust in place. After a long chat she says that if/when the situation arises she would ask her two aunts for advice and help. She feels happier having talked about it and this sparked a discussion about her and S-I-L getting wills together so it was quite productive.

I'm a lot happier now and can concentrate on putting money aside, but i will try and make sure that life is comfortable, thank you getmoreforless

ETA Have also discussed this with OH again. She still won't budge on the trust thing but understands that I need to split some of my assets to help the girls out if I go first. She has though agreed to have a chat with DD2 about her will and to possibly act if she still has problems with inheriting all of the estate, so that's progress!

Mojisola

cydney65 wrote: »

I did go and see DD2 after the solicitor and talked things through with her. She is happy to jointly run DD1's trust with her aunt but is a bit concerned about inheriting all of OH's estate. She is perfectly fine with helping out her sister but does feel the burden of responsibility without a formal trust in place.

Look up information about a "deed of variation".

If your OH is the last to go and does leave everything to DD2, DD2 can change where the money goes. I don't know whether she could add the money to her sister's trust or whether she would have to give it to her directly - solicitor would advise.

If DD2 is receiving means tested benefits at the time, doing a DOV would be considered deprivation of assets, just the same as if she accepted all the money and then set half of it aside for DD1. It would put her in a very difficult situation - morally obliged to use half the money for her sister, penalised by the State if she does so.

DaftyDuck

Would it help if DD2 asked OH for her estate to be split evenly, half in a Trust? It sounds like DD2 is worrying over the responsibility, so she may actually prefer this.... and it would be a better solution for so many reasons.

Prothet_of_Doom

My experience with Aspergers is limited via a nephew (diagnosed) and niece (undiagnosed, but more aspergers than her diagnosed younger brother.
I see the opposite with money management with them. Obsessed by holding on to it.