Will dilemma

cydney65

Hello

Don’t really know what to do in this situation so I thought I’d see if you nice people had any ideas. Some background, we have two grown up daughters aged 27 and 26. The eldest has Asperger’s and is at uni. The youngest is married and has just had a daughter. I am in a civil partnership and my OH is 15 years older than me; she is in her 60’s while I’m pushing 50. We both have life-limiting illnesses.

Both myself and my OH have wills in place. My will states that if I die first all my money/possessions go to my OH. If I die after my OH then all money/house etc. is split between our daughters equally, with the DD1’s share going into a trust, as her grasp of money isn’t too good.

My OH’s will states that if she dies after me then all her money and the house goes to our youngest daughter. This is the crux of my problem. I am unhappy that our daughters will not be treated equally. In the event that I die first all my money will go to my OH and then will be passed onto DD2 with no provision made for our eldest. My OH says that DD2 will obviously look after DD1 and in that case she is not willing to leave any money to DD1.

I’ve talked about this today with OH but she is adamant that her will stays as it is. I absolutely understand where she is coming from and wouldn’t want to force her arm but I’m wondering if there is any way I can change my will so that in the event I die first DD1 gets something without DD2 feeling left out? I don’t have a great deal of money but I’m trying to save desperately so that the girls will get something. If OH dies first though, there will be a substantial amount to pass on.

Should I put some money away especially for DD1 as I am doing with our granddaughter? Could I leave my half of the house to DD1? I really feel torn here and this is starting to affect my feelings towards my OH. Does anyone have any ideas?

GobbledyGook

I would be unhappy with that as well. Partly from the unfair aspect, but also from the practical side.

It's all very well saying that DD2 will look after DD1, but what happens if your DD2 happens to be on means tested benefits when you pass? Even if she wanted to look after your other daughter she may not be able too without being penalised.

cydney65

Thank you GG. I have to admit that situation hadn't crossed my mind...gives me more to think about.

Also I have experience of what money does to people when someone dies. Our S-I-L is a good decent bloke but what if he and DD2 split up and she hooks up with someone else who isn't so nice arghhh so don't know what to do.

GobbledyGook

Would your other half consider looking at a trust if it was designed to protect both of your DD's.

Perhaps she hasn't thought about it from the angle that it could put your DD2 in a position.

If your DD2 gets everything from you with the implication/expectation that she'll look after DD1 then that's putting a lot on her. She has one child, perhaps she'll have more - does she really need the care of DD1 as well?

Also having Aspergers doesn't mean that your DD1 might not get married so what happens if DD2 doesn't like DD1's OH or vice-versa.

Plus if everything goes to your DD2 and she and her husband split up (since we're talking worst case scenario) then everything will be included in their divorce.

Leaving them equal amounts, but leaving DD1's in a trust (perhaps with DD2 as one of the trustees) could be away to protect both of them.

cydney65

Thank you again, you are helping me to see things from other angles. I think if you are close to a situation you quite often don't see things too clearly.

I shall toodle off to bed now and think about things in the morning. Hopefully I will have a clearer perspective.

maman

We've got quite a complicated will as DH and I have two girls: one each from our previous relationships. We've arranged it so that the house and money goes to the other for their lifetime and then after that to the two girls (grandchildren we've left to the parents to sort).


While it won't be a complete answer (DD1 could end up with less but at least something) you could write a will that doesn't leave everything to your partner. So basically, you leave your estate to your DDs equally and just some provision that she's allowed to live in the house for her lifetime and then your share reverts to the girls.


Are these your DDs or were you with your partner when they were born?


I'm asking because if they are/were yours I can more easily understand that you feel uncomfortable that your partner won't respect your wishes.

Crabapple

You need to go see a solicitor for this, but you certainly could put your estate (should you die first) into a trust that would mean your partner could use it for her lifetime, ie. live in the house, take an income from any monies, but then pass as you wish when she dies.

That would mean that your share of the house could eventually pass between your daughters however you wished rather than everything going to your youngest.

I assume the concern your partner has is that your eldest daughter might not be able to manage her own money? That could be provided for by putting a share of her estate in trust so it would be managed by trusted family or friends on her behalf, rather than just relying on your other daughter using what would legally be her own money. As others have pointed out, that makes those funds hers if there is a divorce, if she has her own needs, or if she has financial problems in the future.

cydney65

I have made an appointment to see a solicitor today as this is eating me up inside.

Thank you both Maman and Crabapple you have really given me some ideas.

Maman, the girls are biologically mine from a previous relationship, but my OH has raised them as her own. DD2 is particularly close to her, while OH struggles to understand DD1 due to her autism. I am quite protective of DD1; I 'get' her and her life hasn't been without struggle, especially where her father is concerned. I'm also on the spectrum which OH finds quite difficult to understand.

Leaving my money in trust for OH is a really good idea and is something I can discuss with the solicitor. I have already arranged for a trust to be set up for DD1 in the event I die second, but OH won't entertain the idea with regards to her will and is now starting to dig her heals in. I was thinking that I do have some (very modest) investments which I can leave to our eldest in the event I go first, which would mean she would get something.

I think I need to see the solicitor and also have a frank discussion with DD2 and S-I-L about my provision and whether or not they would be comfortable administering a trust for DD1.

Thank you everyone. I have some options I can discuss with the solicitor now.
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Mojisola

cydney65 wrote: »

I think I need to see the solicitor and also have a frank discussion with DD2 and S-I-L about my provision and whether or not they would be comfortable administering a trust for DD1.

How would things work if they split up as a couple? Would they still be able to work together amicably to administer the trust?

Would it be better to have DD2 and a family friend or other relative as trustees?

DaftyDuck

Assuming you and OH have roughly equal assets (or you have more), a solicitor should be able to work out a Trust that would see inheritance eventually equalled for both daughters. So, should you die first, your money is kept in Trust for OH during her life, daughters to receive on death of OH, BUT where the division of the Trust is based on wife's will paying (say) £10,000 to DD2 and nothing to DD1, the Trust pays out second, with £0 and £10,000, the remainder of the Assets of Trust to be divided equally between the two. Result: equal inheritance for DD1/2 whatever OH's will states.

The setting up of a Trust for DD1 could be done as a secondary step... you could be inventive, setting two Trusts up, one for each daughter, but this might be unnecessarily unwieldy.

Only possible if your wealth exceeds hers (at her death), but technically possible and equitable. Alternative is to shove OH under a bus first but, this bone of contention aside, that probably isn't necessary

pollypenny

Regardless of any disagreement with your OH, I would still go for a trust, giving her life interest, of course.

It's the best way to protect your assets.