Did you have a baby/babies after you turned 40?

pukkamum

Having a baby is exhausting, my sister had her youngest at 40 and is physically struggling, having said that she wouldn't have it any other way she loves him to bits.
I think my main concerns at having a baby over 40 would be the health risks for both myself and baby ie higher chance of downs etc.
I had my youngest at 35 and it wiped me out but she was a very hard baby.

The thing is the physical exhaustion isn't going to last forever and when said baby is an adult none of that will matter.
If you are going to go for it I would be ensuring I was as physically fit as I could be, perhaps have a medical with the doctor and make sure you have plenty of support in place.

faithhope

I had a baby at 26, my next at 39 and am expecting another at 41. I found the tiredness more difficult at 26 cos my first didn't sleep well plus it was all new to me and i didn't know what I was doing. The second was much easier and I'm expecting third to be even more so.

In saying that the later pregnancies were much more difficult plus I had 4 miscarriages in amongst it and this is much more common as you get older.

Maysie

I had my youngest at 39 she is coming up 2 now. My oldest when i was 23. I don't feel any less energetic. She is my little treasure. My husband is terrible with sleep deprivation and struggled he is 8 yrs younger. Its not just about you what about your partner as well? How hands on is he?

My eldest is 16 nearly 17 and loves having a little sister and she is quite handy to watch her sister. We don't' take the mick with watching her though. If i say do you want to tidy the kitchen or watch your sister she would rather watch her sister. I would prefer she tidy the kitchen lol

My Auntie had my cousin at 43 never thought i would get a cousin it was lovely when we heard. She had the most horrendous pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum for most of the pregnancy. How where your last pregnancys?

I had the blood test for downs probability and was really surprised i had a brilliant score much better than some women younger than me i cannot remember what now but it was in the thousands . So not every older woman has a high chance of downs. I know i have worded that badly but that's the best i can come up with before breakfast.

ostrichnomore_2

I don't, but I'm a late baby myself, and I have friends who have a final child much later than the others, and I think you also have to consider how it can effect the children to some extent. I don't think the age of parents matters much - but a big age gap in kids does.

While my parents were and are fantastic, and of course I'm very glad to be here, such an age gap leaves me in an odd position in the family. I am closer in age to my nieces and nephews than my siblings. But I'm not actually their generation, I'm the one above. When I was a child it didn't show - I was one of the kids with the nieces and nephews. As I got older I started to resent this as actually, I should be on a level with the adults and tried to join with them more . But their stage of life was/is so far removed from mine. I'm a lot closer to them now but we have always been out of synch. My siblings are retired or soon to retire, while I'm in my 40s. But my nieces and nephews see me as part of the 'parents' generation and not theirs.

I've ended up sort of stranded in the middle, not really part of or close to either group, and feeling a bit of an outsider.

nottslass_2

I gave birth to DS3 a week before my 42nd birthday and I can Honestly say having a baby at that age is really no different to having one at any other age,except of course you're older,wiser,more confident and don't give a toss about trying to be a perfect mother !

I had DS1 as a teenage mum of 18 and DS2 at 34 so I think I can honestly compare all 3 experiences objectively.

Being pregnant at 41 was no different physically to being pregnant at 18 and the first few weeks at home with a newborn were probably easier at 42 (despite recovering from an EMCS) simply because I was an experienced mother.

I am concious of the need to stay physically fit and I have more energy now than when I was younger - Five months after giving birth, I got the last laugh by coming 1st in the sports day Parents race and left the not so fit 20 &30 somethings way behind .

My DS turned 4 last week and he is an absolute joy - his big brothers who are now 27 and 11 adore him as does my 6 year old granddaughter.

The only thing you need to remember is fertility does really dip after 35 and slowly goes down hill thereafter - I got pregnant easily the first 2 times but had 2 x IVF to conceive DS - There was nothing really wrong with me or DP and the fertility specialist said it probably would have happened naturally eventually but the body clock was ticking away.............

sulkisu

I have three boys, all lborn in my forties. I had DS1 at 44 and DS2 and DS3 at 45. It's all I have known, so I can't compare it to be a younger mum.


I am in a significantly better employment/financial position than I was years ago, and although money isn't everything it does make being a mother much easier. I was able to stay at home for much longer and we can manage on my salary alone. Not having to juggle makes things easier. OH does the childcare and works part-time (because he wants to, not because we need the money). It is hard but I was used to working 10 hour days as well as juggling housework before the boys arrived. I am calmer and more organised at my age.


However,I feel like I have had the best of both worlds. My 20's, 30's and early 40's were child (and responsibility) free. I went to university, travelled, partied and I was able to be completely selfish. Now I get to be a parent. I should add that I didn't plan to have a family late, this was not a conscious decision but I have no regrets.

heartbreak_star

meritaten wrote: »

If you are feeling broody maybe its for 'grandkids'?

If this is the case, be sure you don't pressure your kids though.

My mum would probably like a grandchild, but she knows she certainly isn't getting one.

HBS x

lostinrates

ostrichnomore wrote: »

I don't, but I'm a late baby myself, and I have friends who have a final child much later than the others, and I think you also have to consider how it can effect the children to some extent. I don't think the age of parents matters much - but a big age gap in kids does.

While my parents were and are fantastic, and of course I'm very glad to be here, such an age gap leaves me in an odd position in the family. I am closer in age to my nieces and nephews than my siblings. But I'm not actually their generation, I'm the one above. When I was a child it didn't show - I was one of the kids with the nieces and nephews. As I got older I started to resent this as actually, I should be on a level with the adults and tried to join with them more . But their stage of life was/is so far removed from mine. I'm a lot closer to them now but we have always been out of synch. My siblings are retired or soon to retire, while I'm in my 40s. But my nieces and nephews see me as part of the 'parents' generation and not theirs.

I've ended up sort of stranded in the middle, not really part of or close to either group, and feeling a bit of an outsider.

I am an out of synch too, and I don't mind it at all really. BUT I do wish that my parents had had the energy or enthusiasm to play physically with me more. I was quite happy on my own, as a child but would have liked more playful parents. My parents fully admit they were 'too old' and that my much older sibling had a better childhood from that pov. ( I had different benefits which I think even out).

DH and I (before we knew children weren't a future for us) wanted our kids at about 28-32. We felt this would have been right for us and hopefully for a child!

dandy-candy

Thanks for the replies. My previous pregnancies were fine (besides morning sickness) but then again I was only 25 when I had my last one. DH says he wouldn't mind more, and I'm sure he wouldn't if it happened but he is turning 50 this year and isn't as as keen as me about it.
I think grandchildren would certainly be enough to keep me happy, but DS1 is at uni and doesn't even have a GF so I can't see any coming along for several years.
The people who are themselves children of older mums, did that bother you? I don't want their school friends to think we're their grandparents!

lostinrates

dandy-candy wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. My previous pregnancies were fine (besides morning sickness) but then again I was only 25 when I had my last one. DH says he wouldn't mind more, and I'm sure he wouldn't if it happened but he is turning 50 this year and isn't as as keen as me about it.
I think grandchildren would certainly be enough to keep me happy, but DS1 is at uni and doesn't even have a GF so I can't see any coming along for several years.
The people who are themselves children of older mums, did that bother you? I don't want their school friends to think we're their grandparents!

Yes. Honestly it did, But it was different then, (I'm mid thirties). I had a sibling old enough to be my parent, and my dad was a little younger....my sisters husband was much older still, Family gatherings were confusing and for me, embarrassing, it was assumed my sister was my mother, my bil my granddad. Etc.