Finally...

aileth

As people who have followed my threads before will know, I have had many a problem with my husband. I have been on the border before but haven't had the courage to leap.

I have found out more things today that he is hiding financially and it has broke the camel's back. I am so fed up of getting the feeling that he's hiding something and proving myself correct, only then for him to have the gall to have a go at me for not trusting him.

I'm going to my parents' house tonight and we are going to discuss things over a bottle of wine, but I am 90% sure my mind is made up. I feel more excited than sad about the prospect which says a lot I suppose. The biggest thing I feel excited about is if my boss agrees being able to move back to my hometown, getting a nice little apartment and working from home. The only thing I'm sad or scared about is the whole financial affairs.

I am only 25 and we have been married for only three years. I am to be honest absolutely petrified and that has what has been putting me off this. I was such an idiot and got married too young. Where do you start from removing someone's life from yourself? We have a shared ownership property which is only in my name, and a car which only he drives but I pay the finance on. I want to revert to my maiden name ASAP, how do you start this and can it be done before formalised divorce proceedings?

Where do you start?

gunsandbanjos

Well done for finally seeing the light.

You can change your name back by deed poll if you are so inclined.

I got out of a 10 year marriage last year and it was the best thing i've ever done, for very similar reasons to you i think.

Try and untangle your finances ASAP and shut any joint accounts if you have any, I didnt and my ex managed to get a card for a long dormant account which I had to end up paying off!

aileth

What do you do if you co-own a house? I really do not want to live with him, he can stay there if he wants, I'm in no pressure to sell it as long as he pays the mortgage, but then again it's in my name so it'd be reliant on him paying it.

The only other option I have is sleeping on an airbed in my parents' living room. I hate this city and just want to see the back of this chapter.

whodathunkit

You don't need to do anything official to return to using your own name as there is nothing legal involved in changing it when you marry. Write to your bank etc and explain what you're doing

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

As people who have followed my threads before will know, I have had many a problem with my husband. I have been on the border before but haven't had the courage to leap.

I have found out more things today that he is hiding financially and it has broke the camel's back. I am so fed up of getting the feeling that he's hiding something and proving myself correct, only then for him to have the gall to have a go at me for not trusting him.

I'm going to my parents' house tonight and we are going to discuss things over a bottle of wine, but I am 90% sure my mind is made up. I feel more excited than sad about the prospect which says a lot I suppose. The biggest thing I feel excited about is if my boss agrees being able to move back to my hometown, getting a nice little apartment and working from home. The only thing I'm sad or scared about is the whole financial affairs.

I am only 25 and we have been married for only three years. I am to be honest absolutely petrified and that has what has been putting me off this. I was such an idiot and got married too young. Where do you start from removing someone's life from yourself? We have a shared ownership property which is only in my name, and a car which only he drives but I pay the finance on. I want to revert to my maiden name ASAP, how do you start this and can it be done before formalised divorce proceedings?

Where do you start?

I think you need to discuss this with your husband before you discuss it with your parents. Irrespective of what hes done, I think you have to let him know what youve found out (if you havent already told him) and that you wish to end the marriage, before you start thinking about name changes and job moves.

As for the house, get legal advice before you end up in a financial pickle if you rely on him to pay the rent/mortgage after you move out.

aileth

He knows what I've found out, I have talked to him and I haven't made a 100% decision because I want the views of my parents. I feel I'm fully 100% justified in leaving, but to get through this I need their full support. Being with him has utterly destroyed my confidence really and I will find it difficult to deal with everything without their help.

He knows what I am going there to discuss fully. I just want to know where I would start.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

He knows what I've found out, I have talked to him and I haven't made a 100% decision because I want the views of my parents. I feel I'm fully 100% justified in leaving, but to get through this I need their full support. Being with him has utterly destroyed my confidence really and I will find it difficult to deal with everything without their help.

He knows what I am going there to discuss fully. I just want to know where I would start.

And what do you think your parents views are going to be on you ending your marriage?

gunsandbanjos

I wouldn't rely on him to pay the mortgage, I'd either be selling or looking for new tenants.

My situation is a little different as I stayed in our flat and he moved out, flat is solely in my name and I pay the mortgage.

aileth

paulineb wrote: »

And what do you think your parents views are going to be on you ending your marriage?

I've spoken briefly to my father, who I was quite surprised over the phone was very calm and supportive. In the past when I have raised concerns, they have always tried to persuade me that it's not that bad, etc, but he was completely different during the brief conversation.

aileth

gunsandbanjos wrote: »

I wouldn't rely on him to pay the mortgage, I'd either be selling or looking for new tenants.

My situation is a little different as I stayed in our flat and he moved out, flat is solely in my name and I pay the mortgage.

Unfortunately we can't get tenants as it's shared ownership and there's a clause which effectively prevents what would be considered as sub-letting as we only own 50% (as far as I understand it anyway).

The problem with selling is that the house next door, which is exactly the same save it is mid-terrace instead of end, has been on the market for almost a year now, had a huge chunk knocked off it and is still empty.

gunsandbanjos

I'm guessing in his financial situation he can't buy you out?