Getting teenage boys to do homework

YORKSHIRELASS

Our 13 yo son is a great lad, doing well at school, happy and popular and no problems with behaviour. But we are having real issues getting him to do his homework. He leaves it to the very last minute then does as little as possible, then he gets bad marks and gets told off.

At parents evening 3 of his teachers commented that his homework was poor compared to his class work. So what do we do? Do we take a softly softly approach and rewarding him for doing it? Should we be strict and say no telly/xbox until its done properly? Do we accept that this is probably just a phase and not make a big fuss?

The teachers werent all that helpful in suggesting how we should actually motivate him and at the moment we seem to have just made it into a very touchy subject. I only have to say the word homework and there is a lot of stomping about and huffing and puffing. If anyone else has had similar problems and can give us some advice I would love to know what you did.

fannyadams

Hi YL :waves:
No idea how you do it but will be subscribing to this thread as my teen also has trouble getting down to it.
mined ewe all the boys in my house (HWTHMBO included) are really bad procrastinators and put off to the last minute what they couldn't get out of doing in the first place.
I'm told that they do get better as they get older though and I definitely think it's a boy thing.

balletshoes

Its not just boys - my DD is nearly 13, my work colleague's daughter is the same age. They go to different schools, and we have strangely similar conversations at coffee break about their lack of homework-doing!

I found about half a dozen pieces of homework either not done, or not handed in, in and around my daughter's schoolbag/blazer this past term. Over the Christmas holidays I have re-iterated to her that I have a job, her Dad has a job, her job is to do her schoolwork and homework to the best of her ability and on time. I have also told her in no uncertain terms that if I find out from her teachers she's slacking in the homework department again, her beloved phone/tablet will be confiscated until she's back on track, and I have the evidence to show she is.

I think its just too easy for her (only speaking for my daughter here) to slack off because up til now the school hasn't insisted on homework completion, and there has been no part of the school reports which have specified homework behaviour. There is now.

double_mummy

do a homework timetable 3.30-4 snack 4-5 homework after 5 free time with dinner etc set it as 1 hour a day if it is not complete in that hour he goes back to it the next day if it is complete in 20 mins he can do some related study

if all his homework is completed in the week he wont need his hour at weekends if not then he wont be able to be involved until homework is completed

if homework is not done WIFI is not turned on or xbox controller is not given etc

13 is the perfect time to get these sorts of study practices in ready for GCSEs

sit down with him and work out the schedule together, make the consequences real and set in stone (no im tired tonight can i just play xbox) and a larger reward for a marked improvement over a set period of time - could be until next parents evening

daisiegg

fannyadams wrote: »

(HWTHMBO included) .

I give up....what on earth does that stand for?!

devildog

It's a boy thing!, Doesn't matter what you do/don't do they will carry on their own sweet way. Mine would get up at stupid o'clock on the day coursework had to be handed in and do it from start to finish inthe few hours before school started! Been to uni and did more or less exactly the same thing there.GIrls on the other hand appear to spend weeks on planning, researching and rewriting.
After trying the nagging approach I decided to let him get on with it as I didn't't want to ruin our relationship and if he needed to learn things the hard way then so be it!

balletshoes

daisiegg wrote: »

I give up....what on earth does that stand for?!

HWTHMBO - He Who Thinks He Must Be Obeyed :rotfl:.

daisiegg

balletshoes wrote: »

HWTHMBO - He Who Thinks He Must Be Obeyed :rotfl:.

Oh right.....does that come from somewhere, or...?

thorsoak

daisiegg wrote: »

Oh right.....does that come from somewhere, or...?

A take on Rumpole of the Bailey's name for his wife, Hilda - She Who Must be Obeyed! See https://www.tv.com/shows/rumpole-of-the-bailey

EchoLocation

Sounds exactly like me at 13, apart from the foot stomping! I struggled horrendously with motivation and consequently hated homework. It never became an issue with teachers or parents with me, but I've carried that lack of motivational skill with me though to adulthood and it still plagues me to this day. Looking back now I wish I'd had more discipline at that age and learnt that sometimes things just have to be done.

I guess it all depends on what your son will respond to best, would a softly softly approach be best?, or does he need a bit of a shake to understand that in life there are things that have to be done whether he likes it or not. I'm sure you don't want to start shouting, grounding him and physically forcing him to sit down with the homework, but honestly I think that would've probably been the only way to get through to me at that time - maybe then followed up with a more encouraging sentiment.

Perhaps you could approach the homework together as a routine and turn it into an 'activity' rather than leave him to his own unmotivated thoughts. Where possible try to make it fun, and where that's not possible try to make him see that it can be a satisfying experience to produce an end piece of work.

Also, at that age I had no idea what I wanted to do as a career after school, don't think I even thought about it properly until I left. Maybe having that future career, grown up conversation with him now might help him to focus and understand that putting the work in will benefit him in future. Try to excite him about what the possibilities are, as a lack of focus just compounds a lack of motivation.

Best of luck!

poet123

I think I must have been lucky as three out of four of mine were fine with homework, and did it as soon as they came in to get it out of the way.

The other one, he of the "just enough" mindset;) was different, but I just put my foot down and insisted that he did it before tea, before tv, before xbox. I also checked his homework diary and rang the school if it wasn't filled in, eventually he toed the line and got on with it.

He is a teacher now and regularly bemoans the kids who don't do their homework, I just laugh and tell him not be a hypocrite!!