Reeling from the Reality Check

in_need_of_direction

Could he not forego the hobbies to attack the debt? It's not like it came about by you splurging on shoes, bags and makeup. It was to maintain his standard of living as much as yours.

KillPeppa

Well done for making a start tackling the debt, I'm just getting started and think this is the toughest part!

I agree with INOD this is not just your debt. It has come about due to supporting your OH by paying all the bills, it is unfair that it all rests on you.

Apologies if I am being out of place asking this but was it agreed with you that you would become the sole earner/provider or was it just presented as a fait accompli?

Hope you have a great money saving Sunday

Historybuff

Yes I know this, but it got myself into the hole and I will dig myself out. I don't want to get into a debate about the whys and wherefores. The fact is, there is this huge debt and it has got to be tackled, so I'm tackling it. That's it. When I've got it down to a manageable level I might come clean and discuss it with OH then.
The money saving weekend has gone well. Helped daughter on her market stall on sat, so didn't spend anything. Went with dad to see a Glen Miller style orchestra last night...he paid for ticket and I drove. Made £90 profit at today's carboot sale, so have £158.60 now for housekeeping for the rest of the month...
Downside...had to shell out £110 for new tyres on the van.
Another NSD today...going to challenge myself to see how many days I can go in a row. Will have to fill up the car with diesel first though.
Have a good day!

KillPeppa

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, just don't beat yourself up over the situation.

You're doing brilliantly! £90 is fantastic for a car boot.

Mint1955

If you keep it from him then surely he will start to notice when you sell stuff or food is getting a little scarce etc.

Does he not pay anything into the household budget from his pension?

Historybuff

I'm not happy about the situation and keeping it secret. It's absolutely hard enough as it is trying to keep myself going and not falling into depression about the whole thing. At the moment I'm focusing on making payments manageable and beginning to address things with creditors to move forward. I have to concentrate on that. I can't continually be drawn into discussion about OH etc I'm well aware that this is a fraught and difficult situation without it continually being brought up. I'm on this forum because it's the only way I can talk about the debt problem. I have no one I can talk to about this. The anonymous forum is allowing me to think about and verbalise what I've spent years in denial from. Before last week I never even let myself think there was even a debt problem. I need to be able to focus on sorting the actual problem out. I'm not ready, or even remotely anywhere near being able to delve into other issues. So, I'm really grateful for all the advice and support offered by people who read my diary, but, please, don't press...Its not helping. I am in the early days of dealing with this huge debt mountain and need this space to actually say out loud what I've been keeping in for so long.

there_is_a_light_2

Hi HB
Just wanted to drop by and offer some support. Well done on the car boot sale that's a really good amount to make, but shame about the tyres. Why do these things always seem to go hand in hand - money comes in one minute, and it's like it triggers an alarm in some far away land that says 'ah, let's allow her be smug for a little while and then we'll send something her way to bring her back down to reality'.


Who you tell about this and how you deal with it, is entirely up to you and you sound like you have a plan so good on you for getting on with it.


Also think it's pretty common these days for people to be more careful with their money and to supplement their income with carboots, ebays, music magpie etc. Somebody only said at work the other day that there used to be a time not too long ago when people used to talk about how much they had spent on x, y z - nowadays you are more likely to hear people talking about how much they have saved on x y z. Basically being skint is totally normal nowadays, so any change in lifestyle can me made without raising too many questions.


Hope the rest of your day has been OK an that tomorrow you get to tackle another one of your creditors!

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello Lovely,


thought I would have a bash, am not great as one I have kept mine private (my rent is generally considered a little high:) )
and two I have got locked into some really crap deals...but any how

Historybuff wrote: »

{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252
{\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;}
{\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red0\green0\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;}
\deftab720
\pard\pardeftab720\partightenfactor0

\f0\fs22 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet\
\
Household Information\
Number of adults in household........... 2\
Number of children in household......... 0\
Number of cars owned.................... 2\
\
Monthly Income Details\
Monthly income after tax................ 3053\
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0\
Benefits................................ 0\
Other income............................ 0\
Total monthly income.................... 3053\
\
Monthly Expense Details\
Mortgage................................ 1126\
any chance of an interest only? or repayment holiday? long shot
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0\
Rent.................................... 0\
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0\
Council tax............................. 153\
Is this paid over ten or twelve months?
Electricity............................. 55\
Gas..................................... 56\
any chance of these being in credit?
d
Oil..................................... 0\
Water rates............................. 31\
Telephone (land line)................... 21\
Mobile phone............................ 11\
TV Licence.............................. 16\
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 21\
Internet Services....................... 0\
Groceries etc. ......................... 280\
I guess this is somewhere to make cuts...seems pretty low to me tho:)but some people manage on less.
Clothing................................ 50\
is this necessary?
Petrol/diesel........................... 250\
Road tax................................ 15\
Car Insurance........................... 36\
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30\

Car parking............................. 0\
Other travel............................ 0\
Childcare/nursery....................... 0\
Other child related expenses............ 0\
necessary
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 14\
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 42\
Buildings insurance..................... 10\
Contents insurance...................... 10\
Life assurance ......................... 37\
Other insurance......................... 0\
from here
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 30\
Haircuts................................ 20\
Entertainment........................... 100\
Holiday................................. 100\
Emergency fund.......................... 100\


to here would have to just go I think?



Total monthly expenses.................. 2614\
\
\
Assets\
Cash.................................... 0\
House value (Gross)..................... 199000\
Shares and bonds........................ 0\
Car(s).................................. 1500\
Other assets............................ 0\
Total Assets............................ 200500\
\
\
Secured & HP Debts\
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR\
Mortgage...................... 84818....(1126).....5.18\
Total secured & HP debts...... 84818.....-.........- \
\
Unsecured Debts\
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR\
Barclaycard....................11024.....300.......18.9\
Capital One....................5918......177.......17.9\
M and S........................6000......188.......16.9\
Nationwide overdraft...........7700......200.......18.9\
Tesco loan.....................11500.....226.......6.4\
Tesco..........................4000......95........18.9\
Nationwide.....................9129......240.......15.9\
Total unsecured debts..........55271.....1426......- \
\
\
Monthly Budget Summary\
Total monthly income.................... 3,053\
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,614\
Available for debt repayments........... 439\
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,426\
Amount short for making debt repayments. -987\
\
Personal Balance Sheet Summary\
Total assets (things you own)........... 200,500\
Total HP & Secured debt................. -84,818\
Total Unsecured debt.................... -55,271\
Net Assets.............................. 60,411\
\
Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com. \
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.}

Ok. So bit the bullet and completed the SOA. Any advice or comments would be appreciated. Thank you.

so you need to pay 1426 to meet your minimum payments?


and apparently you have £489 for repayments? Although I have never done one of these and found the amount they say I have left resembles my bank account....


So did you sort out the names on the bank accounts with the overdraft? I suppose the DMP is the way forward, although you could maybe try


1. moving debts to 0% to lower the minimums - although that would be temporary


2. Not spending on holidays haircuts clothes, and presents selling stuff and making the payments - although you would need even with the cuts about 500 quid extra at least. hmm.


I think doing the DMP without hubby knowing might be tricky -unless you did sort the accounts? cos then there is no reason for him to know! I totally get why you aren't saying - don't worry XX


Making the payments is, well this is going to sound harsh I think. here goes. people on here do it, they cut back on absolutely everything use hamsters to generate electricity, grow their food and have a freezer full of yellow stickered items.


Hands up, I am not one of those people. I like my chocolate and biscuits. And my heating. And my dogs eat the most expensive flipping dog food!


However it can be done. I am in awe of these people. really. I wish I could manage it. I do it in fits. tiny fits. that a last a day.


But in your position I would do the dmp, they give you realistic budgets and deal with the creditors. yes it may take longer but you will get peace of mind more quickly.


hope you are feeling better tonight. being in debt sucks, but don't lose the idea that it can be sorted out. It won't always be like this.


Massive hugs XXXX

Historybuff

Thanks guys. Appreciate your comments. Thanks for the support LTBL and, Buffy, thanks for looking at the SOA. The amounts at the end I put in because I thought something should go in. Realistically it will get cut. Looking forward to seeing balances start to go down. I bracing myself for a couple of months of ups and downs whilst everything gets put in place and settles down. Also looking forward to being in control of the budget for the first time in a very long time.

catandy

I think you are doing great and you're situation is not unlike others with spouses/ other halfs not in the know/ not onboard and being the sole breadwinner so holding the responsibility (infact go back in time getting on for 12 months or so and it could have been me writing your original post)....


you're making the right steps, cutting down the costs where it can be easily done, making a budget that you can keep to (don't do it so tight that you cant keep to it and resent living on the breadline this has to be manageable). with regards to a self managed DMP it is possible to do (if I can do it anyone can) - take a look at the NEDCAB website, great resource that takes you thru the process and gives you a way to keep track of balances/ offers/ rates and so on. I liked the thought of a self managed DMP cos no one is going to look after my money and take extra care of getting out of this position I'm in as I am! (plus I think I maybe a bit of a control freak)...


anyway it does get easier, you've done the hard bit starting the ball rolling and admitting there's a problem that needs to be dealt with. it will work out