Help!!!

Becciboobah

My partner of 8 years has called it a day. We have a 6 year old son. Obviously, I'm totally devastated and it has become clear he has started seeing someone else. The main problem is we're having to still live together as neither of us have somewhere else to go. The flat is Housing Association and I'm the sole tenant. The thing is I want to leave and my friends are buying a flat they will be rent in out long term. It is ideal for my son and I. Despite everything I don't want to see my partner homeless as he would have nowhere to have my son and his 2 daughters from his previous relationship. He has court ordered contact time for his daughters which is dependent on him having somewhere safe to have them overnight.

We just never got round to adding him to the tenancy and I don't know if my Housing Association will let him stay. I know I shouldn't care and it's his problem but he has a very short temper (he's never been physically violent nor sworn or been vicious to me) and I can't move out until June. I can't bear the repercussions of him getting kicked out and not being able to see his kids. He would go mental and I've no idea what he's capable of under these circumstances.

Any help would be gratefully received.

You can see I have myriad of problems here

paulineb_2

I think you would be daft giving up the security of a housing association home to move into rented accommodation that you could be asked to leave at any time. Particularly as you have a child.

January20

I agree with Pauline and would add that your partner is an adult. He is not your responsibility. He called time on the relationship. He is seeing someone else. He put himself in this situation and therefore he should get himself out of it!

Couldn't your partner rent your friends' flat and you could stay put where you are?

pmlindyloo

This link may help:

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/downloads_and_tools/relationship_breakdown

I do agree that you need to think carefully about giving up a secure tenancy.

However, if the HA agree to transfer the tenancy to your partner's name then things he needs to consider are:

Can he afford the rent?
Is it a 2 bed place? HA may not be happy transferring tenancy to him when he only 'requires' one bedroom. ( As regards if he ever needed to claim HB - visiting children are not counted)
Can he find privately rented accommodation if the 'transfer' is refused?

Seanymph

You, obviously when you were in housing need, were allocated social housing.

You now no longer want that - and you want to GIVE that home to someone who has been unfaithful to you because you don't think they would quailfy alone?

there are a LOT of people in social need - single mothers (as perhaps you were) and families.

Your ex is not a full time family, not in housing need - and certainly not entitled to your house!

If you want to move out (and I think you are daft) then move.

But you have no right to 'gift' him a social housing flat - give up the tenancy and allow them to reallocate it to someone who needs it.

sulkisu

Becciboobah wrote: »

My partner of 8 years has called it a day. We have a 6 year old son. Obviously, I'm totally devastated and it has become clear he has started seeing someone else. The main problem is we're having to still live together as neither of us have somewhere else to go. The flat is Housing Association and I'm the sole tenant. The thing is I want to leave and my friends are buying a flat they will be rent in out long term. It is ideal for my son and I. Despite everything I don't want to see my partner homeless as he would have nowhere to have my son and his 2 daughters from his previous relationship. He has court ordered contact time for his daughters which is dependent on him having somewhere safe to have them overnight.

We just never got round to adding him to the tenancy and I don't know if my Housing Association will let him stay. I know I shouldn't care and it's his problem but he has a very short temper (he's never been physically violent nor sworn or been vicious to me) and I can't move out until June. I can't bear the repercussions of him getting kicked out and not being able to see his kids. He would go mental and I've no idea what he's capable of under these circumstances.

Any help would be gratefully received.

You can see I have myriad of problems here

No you don't.
The main problem seems to be that you seem more concerned about your ex-partners' welfare, than you do your own. I have to second what the previous posters have said - you would be absolutely mad/stupid/crazy to give up a HA tenancy to rent privately, while your ex gets the security of your tenancy. Your friends may plan to rent long term but anything can happen, and plans change.

You need to think about what is best for your child, not your ex and his other children. He moves out and rents somewhere privately - it isn't difficult. If you can do it, so can he. There is no reason why he wouldn't be able to see his children if he didn't get your flat. If you moved out, there is no guarantee that the HA woul allow him to succeed your tenancy anyway. You, on the other hand, will have very little chance of getting one again.

jetplane

Oh I hope this is the shock talking and you will soon come to your senses. I think your partner used up any loyalty when he started seeing someone else and called it a day. Sorry but you will be out of your mind to give up a secure tenancy. Let his new partner help find him somewhere to live. Tell him to start looking now and he can find somewhere to have his children.

Your friend may well have a temporary perfect solution but when they want the flat back, or their circumstances change at some point down the line you and your son will be homeless. Will your partner be there's to save you? No. if you want to move elsewhere wait until you have recovered and do it through the HA.

God speed some posters on here who help you with this. Stop take a breath and make yourself and your son your priority.

CH27

Please do not give up a secure tenancy to rent your friend's flat.
You lose any security for your future.

marisco_2

When you have been part of a couple for a significant amount of time it can take a while to adjust to not thinking in couple mode. The fact is this mess is for your ex to face up to and deal with, not you. He chose to have an affair. Perhaps he arrogantly thought that he would not be found out, and could play away whilst enjoying the security of being in a relationship with you. Part of that security involved being able to provide a home where his other children could visit him.

He is now going to discover that every action has consequences. Going mental and refusing to accept responsibility for what he has brought about, will only cause him more problems but those are his alone to solve. Concentrate on looking out for yourself and your son, and make sure that he is not adversely affected by this unsettling time in your lives. It may not feel like it right now but long term you will be better off without having someone so selfish as a partner.

double_mummy

make him move out today

you have security for you LO and thats all that matters here stay where you are for as long as humanly possible

maybe if your ex partner was so concerned with his children and his living arrangements he would not have done this

if he kicks off at all call the police

i really do hope that it is partner and not husband

Errata

You want to provide him with a roof over his head whilst he's shagging himself senseless with another woman? I think you need to have a word with yourself.