Am i being unreasonable?

laurz

wakey wakey what centuary is he living in?
if he wants to be treated like this i would suggest he gets his mum to do it!!!
My partner works full time i have 2 kids (5 and 1) he has 2 (6 and 3) we have mine full time, his 4 days a week! he comes home from work cooks tea, plays wi the kids,often washes up, does housework etc. It's a partnership you bought into not slavery.

Does he ever look after the child on his own for long periods of time???

i would suggest booking a weekend away for yourself with family or friends. leave him to look after the child and do a few chores, not as much as you do but enough to show him just how difficult it is to juggle looking after a child and juggling housework and shopping etc. It's not to be cruel but just to show him how much he takes you for granted.

I've been in that situation and i got to a point where i did everything, in the end i was left wondering why i was with him cos he just added to the 'to do list' ie it was easier on my own without having to consider another person. it was like i was mother to 2 kids instead of in a relationship with a supportive partner and 1 child. i hope you never get to this point.

conradmum

inmypocketnottheirs wrote: »

Probably get myself shot down in flames, but have a close friend in a similar kind of position. They have two kids 8 and 6, and she has used just about every trick in the book so as not to return to work, even on a part time basis.

My mate has, for the last 8 years, worked 60-80 hours a week, whilst his Mrs has had the pleasure of being a stay at home mum. My mate has been working shifts, sometimes back to back, just to earn enough to fulfil all their obligations. It has just transpired, that now he is £40k in debt on credit cards. They do not live an extravagant lifestyle, no expensive holidays (caravan in Devon type of thing) two old bangers as cars. The Mrs has refused to do any type of work to contribute to any of the household bills, and TBH all my mate has felt like he is a cheque book.

So, without being judgemental, try to take a look from the OH's side. Men who are the sole providers can often feel that the burden is all on their shoulders. Trying to survive on one wage is very stressful (FGS on two can be hard enough), so I would think that a little understanding on both parts would not go amiss.

Good luck!

Not flaming you but the two situations don't really compare. The OP is trying to get qualifications so that she can go out and get a good job, but her partner is being unsupportive. He thinks she's had a soft time of it staying home bringing up the kids but, when the kids are little at least, this is a very hard job that doesn't end when you clock off for the evening. I think few people who've stayed home with small children realise this.
I don't know about your friend's situation or the reasons why his wife won't work, but all the OP was originally asking was that her partner washes up three nights a week and picks up his clothes from the floor! Hardly excessive. There are few women who will put up with being treated like a servant these days.

borderlakland

i am lucky with my oh we share most of the jobs he works fulltime nights and i work part time i usually cook then he'll wash up ill do the hoovering etc and he''l iron etc

my ex was different story not quite as bad as op hubby but just rarely did anything. i think at end of the day lots of blokes have no idea how much work goes into keeping house tidy kids sorted etc, when me and ex 1st split up he used to have our 4 kids 3 days a week and he admited to me he had no idea how much work they created they would come home & say they didn't have tea til 9 at night as dad forgot to get anything in or they had run out of clean clothes,they would regulary be late for school etc(he even rang me to ask which program to put the washing machine on and which drawer to put the powder in:rotfl: )
i agree with other posts togo away for a few days and let him see how much work you do

inmypocketnottheirs

conradmum wrote: »

Not flaming you but the two situations don't really compare. The OP is trying to get qualifications so that she can go out and get a good job, but her partner is being unsupportive. He thinks she's had a soft time of it staying home bringing up the kids but, when the kids are little at least, this is a very hard job that doesn't end when you clock off for the evening. I think few people who've stayed home with small children realise this.
I don't know about your friend's situation or the reasons why his wife won't work, but all the OP was originally asking was that her partner washes up three nights a week and picks up his clothes from the floor! Hardly excessive. There are few women who will put up with being treated like a servant these days.

I suppose my real point is, there are three sides to every situation.

conradmum

inmypocketnottheirs wrote: »

I suppose my real point is, there are three sides to every situation.

Yes that's true and is something always to be born in mind when reading about someone's relationship difficulties.
I think this tale is a familiar one to many women though unfortunately.

inmypocketnottheirs

conradmum wrote: »

Yes that's true and is something always to be born in mind when reading about someone's relationship difficulties.
I think this tale is a familiar one to many women though unfortunately.

Without doubt, you are unquestionably right.

The thing is though, there are a lot of men that probably have the same anguish as the OP's OH. Relationships are tumultuous and often problematic, and it is only two way communication that makes them work. There are two people here, and very probably both with equally valid points.

Carmina_Piranha_3

there are plenty of relationships even between young couples where the man goes to work and the woman does everything regarding the house and children. i know some people who live like that and they seem happy enough with their roles. i wouldn't be, so it's lucky that i have a husband whose views match mine. having grown up in that sort of family (before dad left) i'd say that a dad who isn't hands-on may as well not be there, children don't benefit from a dad who thinks they are a nuisance.

but each to their own, it suits some people and probably suited the op before she started college.

edit - i didn't meant to suggest that the op's husband is a rubbish dad, or any of the other dads out there who work and their wives do the childcare and housework. in my case our dad viewed us as a nuisance, i know plenty of dads who work long hours but adore their children, was generalising and only just realised i sounded nasty.

kj*daisy

You could point out that if you didn't live with him he'd be having to do 100% of the household chores himself. So why should he do 0% just cos you live together? It sounds like he has no respect for you tbh from some of the other stuff you have said as well.

My DH works 5 days a week and I work 3. I look after our toddler the other 2. We split things almost equally. I do more organising and a bit cleaning more cos I am here more - but our home is somewhere we both live so we are both responsible for keeping it nice. Why should my life be harder because I happen to live with someone.

Only you know what you can/should do about things, it sounds like he will struggle to change though if his mum has always done it all.

halia

Why is this so prevelant?

I work 2 days and go to Uni 2 days I look after our special needs toddler 1 day. OH works 5 days.
I get up in the night/ early morning with DS 5 nights a week
I take DS to nursery on the days I am at work or Uni
I handle all the household finances, take DH suits to dry cleaners and do the shopping.
We have constant arguments about housework, a big row the other night actually. Over the weekend we had a very tiring day but at 6pm I managed to summon up energy to play with DS, DH was 'too tired' so lay down on the floor. He decided to poke my feet and I asked him to stop as I hate being tickled/poked. He didn't stop so I said 'please stop, I've said once already'
He gets up in a huge huff saying 'well !!!!!! it then' and goes to bed.

2 hrs later I have given DS his supper, bathed him, put him to bed.
Tidied up living room
Cooked tea
Started prep for sundays meal
Put a load of washing on

2 1/2 hrs later OH comes back down - do i get a hug? an apology or anything - not a chance.

Does he offer to do any other jobs? No
Does he offer to make me a cuppa? No

Oh but he got huffy when I said I was too tired for nookie

I'm seriuosly questioning whether its reasonable to try and make this relaitonship work.

slates

You are definately not being unreasonable. I feel like my fella's housekeeper cause when i go over there, i always end up cooking, cleaning (washing up), even bringing food over as there's never anything to eat. I feel like charging him. Then he has the nerve when over at mine to treat my place like he treats his so my place ends up looking like a pig sty..The problem is with us women is that if no else does we will in the end as we cannot leave it long enough..Thats my problem