advice needed please on baby sleeping and two year old xx

tj55

hi there,
I have read these forums for a while but until now been a bit shy!!
I would really appreciate any advice though if possible please and I will try to keep it short (ish!!)
my daughter has a nearly 3 year old and a 7 month old. the problems she has are :

her baby just donsn't sleep any longer than about an hour and a half per night! she has tried all the obvious like feeding , giving water etc, but nothing works, and she just cries extremely loudly until shes given a bottle ! can't try the leave for little bit to cry as she lives in a flat and the people under her work and complain! she is exhausted, and we try to help as much as we can, but obviously we work, her partner does help, but works as well, so basically its her that gets up in the night, but then she has to stay awake in the day as well !! she has an appointment next week with doctor but any advice would be appreciated please xx

the second problem is the two year old is going through the terrible two's , you know the general tantrums, and seeing how far she can be pushed etc, but he has a different dad who he sees every week and stays with every other weekend. he also has two more children of a similar age, and when they are together he doesn't believe in telling them off , which is nice to know that he is treated nice there, but he teaches them boxing, so you can imagine that the kids run riot and have no rules etc, as he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" telling him off! But when he's home with his mum , her partner (who treats him lovely) and their baby, he thinks he can do the same there, and when he cant get his own way he has started hitting ( this is where the boxing comes in I think), and shouting ( I think this is just a mixture of getting himself heard and the terrible twos) he has also started to say that he hates her and he wants to live with daddy, even though when hes there, he enjoys it, but misses his mum!
my daughter is a fantastic mum and extremely patient, but I think just needs a little advice as she feels that she is constantly telling him that he cant do that!!
there is no way that his dad will correct him, so he is obviously getting really confused , but just not sure how to go about things apart from she gives him lots of love and reassurance, and is doing a reward chart for him. he is normally such a loving and happy little boy, and still is, and says sorry when hes hit out etc, but confused I think. maybe just that little bit too young to realise what he is doing.

I am soooo sorry that I have rambled on and on, but would appreciate any advice that you could give please:)

I am going to have to go to bed now as have an early start so if any replies , I will be able to read and reply back tomorrow after work thanks xx

skintchick

Hi. I saw you didn;t have any replies so thought I would reply

Fist then the baby. At seven months old it is within the parameters of normal to be waking up every 90 minutes, although obviously very tiring for your daughter.

If she wants feeding then she should be fed. It's that simple. She could be having a growth spurt, or a deelopmental spurt causing her to wake more frequently, or she could be teething, but it is also very normal baby behaviour to wake.

If the waking is a new thing investigate if she is having a spurt or teething, and also check whether she is too hot or cold, or uncomfortable in any way.

I'm assuming baby is formula fed, but if breastfed please do not give any water as that will affect the breastfeeding. If formula-fed I believe water is OK but don't use it to fill her up when she is hungry or she will miss out on essential calories needed to grow and develop.

As for the toddler, the terrible twos are pretty terrible! It's OK for there to be differnet rules at home and at dad's - children are clever and can work it out.

Your daughter should be consistent with her rules and understand that hitting is a really common phase, albeit upsetting.

If she feels she is saying no a lot,she could try reframing the statement in a positive way. For example, instead of saying "no don't hit me" she can say "we do not hit. It's not nice" while gently holding his wrists to stop him, and she could add "if you feel angry and frustrated, you can hit a cushion instead" and guide him to a cushion.

Helping him to name his emotions and understand them will reduce the tantrums, as they tend to find them uncontrollable and frightening.

Does that help a bit?

tj55

hi there,
thanks for taking the time to reply,
will show my daughter and hopefully it can all be sorted out xx

pennypinching77

Hi there

I have a just turned 3 yo and a just turned 6 month old. We also live in flats and all sleep in the one room!

I know people go on about the terrible 2's but it is an age where they are learning to express themselves and learn cause and effect of their behaviour on individuals. It is really so so important at this stage to give love and consistantboundaries so they know what is acceptable.

Our ds1 is really lovely and generally well behaved
My Husband works away during the week so is home only at weekends so my Husband finds it harder to discipline our son and sometimes ignores or 'does not notice' certain behaviour which my ds2 has picked up on, so then he plays up terribly and will not listen to me or runs screaming to his Dad as though I've hit him (which I don't, tis harder to tell a child not to hit if he is being hit) and then he becomes almost uncontrollable. I will often stand back to make his Dad discipline him. He needs to see us both on the same page. He has also worked out if he is naughty he will get more of Dads attention and has reverting his toilet training. Deciding that negative attention from his Dad is better than nothing. It is difficult as I feel like I'm taking backwards steps at the weekend and am working all my hardwork will go out the window once I'm back to work. He is back to being generally good during the week though his behaviour from the weekend is now threatening to continue during the week as he's find it harder to switch it off.

I do love him so much though and we have great times talking and playing and messing about. He LOVES this personal time.

Your daughter really needs to try and get the Dad onside because as I told my Husband, the lack of discipline will cause him to not respect him in the end. Children really do feel more secure knowing their boundaries.

I would really recommend a book to your daughter called
The 5 love languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. I so wish I had this book before he was born!


My 6 month was exclusively bf but as I will be returning to work next month I tried to combination feed which did not go down well and he was waking 1 to 1.5 hours every night the same as when bf. Unfortunately my milk has dried up too so am up most nights making bottles.
In a 24 hour period he would only drink sometimes only 10oz of formula.

I was recommend after trying various formulas to start weaning around 5 months and he noticeably slept for longer periods. Two hour intervals then 3.5. 2 days ago he slept from 7.30pm till 7am waking just once. I think this is because I give him his milk albeit only 4 oz and then a jar of egg custard or rice pud to fill him up.

However last night he slept for 7 hours straight then woke almost every hour and in between from 2am and 5 but I know this is down to his teething. Tooth poked through the same day he slept through... can't work that out though!

It's tricky having them in the one room with the regular waking but I feel we are turning a corner and Ds 1 who was also actually a worse sleeper is able to somehow block out or patiently stays down through babys shenanigans.

Hope things change for your daughter very soon. x

pennypinching77

Sorry. I also forgot to mention. I noticed a great change in my babys sleeping pattern when I put him to sleep in a sleeping bag.
I know this may not be recommended and I dont zip it up and will ditch it as soon as he becomes more mobile but as soon as he feels the material cover him he cosies down and goes to sleep.

He has also found his thumb which comforts him. I'm not that happy about it as it may affect his teeth but I could not go back to the mad scenes with my ds1 where I would be waking up everytime his pacifier fell out.

I tend to sleep my ds2 on his side and alternate him when he woke as when on his back would wake more often. However I am trying to put him more on his back as he seems more ok with it. I think he was uncomfortable as has had a stream of colds and blocked noses and being on his back made things worse.

Sometimes if ds2 woke too often I would not offer a bottler but check nappy, wind, turn or simply bounce him on my knee back to sleep. I don't interact with baby during the night or try to look at him as he then thinks it's playtime.

Best wishes once again.