Inspiration for valentines day

tinybee

Hi (regular forum poster under a new user ID).


I have an unusual situation and wanted to ask if anyone had any special ideas for my wife for valentines day.

2 years ago we were unfortunate enough to lose our first baby girl (stillborn) on valentines day, which makes celebrating almost impossible. From mid-January our household is pretty broken up and by the time the day arrives my wife doesn't really have the energy or will to celebrate. I don't want us to just wallow this valentines day so I am looking for ideas.

We now have a healthy and lovely baby girl who is coming up 11 months old.

A bit more context:

We are both on annual leave on friday 14th.

My daughter goes down to bed at 6pm and my wife won't leave her in the evenings (still breast-feeding and the baby doesn't sleep so well) so we cannot do anything then.

My wife is not remotely materialistic, doesn't do jewellery or diamonds etc.

We're in the north east.

Our daughter doesn't sleep during the day and generally doesn't like the car (screaming, rage fits) so cannot really be relied upon to travel too far.

Thanks for any help!

tinybee

pawsies

Why not do something romantic at home? Cook the meal and watch a nice dvd. Your wife will be with her daughter so not worried, you don't need to travel at all and it could be a nice way of taking her mind off the dreadful event you have been through.

Netwizard

pawsies wrote: »

Why not do something romantic at home? Cook the meal and watch a nice dvd. Your wife will be with her daughter so not worried, you don't need to travel at all and it could be a nice way of taking her mind off the dreadful event you have been through.

I'd agree 100% with this

LEJC

I agree with doing something at home...whether thats together as a couple or even having a special tea with your little one involved it totally up to you....babies love a few bits of finger food too and it could be a great time for you all to celebrate what you have together as a family unit...


if you were thinking of ways in which to "not forget" your other loss then how about releasing a heart shaped helium balloon or even as a family planting a tree or small plant in the garden...maybe something that might flower at this time of year each year...maybe small daffodils or snowdrops.


good luck with your planning...I'm sure whilst your time will be reflective it will also be very positive towards the future too.

daisygirlmac

My OH did an indoor picnic for my birthday in December just gone as he doesn't drive and we live out in the wilds, so he didn't want to arrange something that I would have to drive to. He lit the fire, put a blanket down and some music on and just made a load of lovely nibbles - it was heaven!

My friend has just lost a baby and I bought her a rose to plant out, maybe something like this? I like LEJC's idea about bulbs that will come up each year. It's heartbreaking, I don't know that it ever gets easier but I think it's lovely that you are trying to do something nice for your wife.

InsideInsurance

I think you really need to decide what you want to do:

1) Actively remember your loss
2) Dont actively remember it but plan something quiet/ discrete in case it does "come up"
3) Actively plan something to be very busy to try and distract from remembering it

Only you know yourself and your partner to know which of these three are best suited. Once you've decided that then others can possibly come up with suggestions

Reggie_Rebel

Depending on the weather and where you are but how about a picnic on the beach at somewhere like Bamburgh?

flutterby_lil

Sorry to hear of your loss, Congratulations on your baby girl

rachiibell

I like others ideas of planting a flower or plant as a way of rememberance. Then maybe you could follow it up with an indoor valentines themed picni with your little girl (bitesize food cut into heart shapes ect). Then when its time for the little one to go bed you could run your wife a bath and whilst she's in it relaxing you could do some of the household chores she normally does; washing, ironing, clean the kitchen, ect (i know i'd appreciate that!). After that you've got a romantic evening in to yourselves

marisco_2

Sorry to hear of your loss. I would recommend talking to your wife and discussing together how you would like to spend the day, rather than planning a surprise for her. It must be a very difficult time for you both. I hope you do come up with something nice to do as a family and that the day goes as well as it can.

itsanne

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It can't have been made worse by being Valentines Day because it was so awful already, but in the following years Valentine's Day must be like rubbing salt in the wound. With that in mind, I'll make a slightly different suggestion.

Valentine's day, as a celebration of love, is just a date. You don't need to celebrate your love on that particular day, and as it's going to be a day tinged with sadness whatever you do, why not choose your own date? Then you could celebrate without the two being connected.

It's not how you are on one day that shows your love anyway, but all the rest of the year which counts. From your sensitivity in this thread, I'd imagine you're doing fine in that respect.;).