Anxiety...how to help?

victory

My eldest best girl friend for years and years (girl that is a friend nothing else) has just been diagnosed with anxiery, panic attacks, stress, she has always seemed a very nervous girl but now she has been to the docs and got the professionals behind her it's like a weight lifted and she is hoping to gain control back...

The thing is my lad wants to help her, show support and love, that she is not on her own and he wants me to help her(known her for years) but I am at a bit of a loss how to?

She came round the other night, I spoke to her for a bit then they went off to watch a movie and before long she was bolting out of the door, son said it was her anxiety getting to her, that she could not relax and she just wanted to go home and be safe back home.

I don't know what we can do to help?

krustylouise

I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety and suffer with panic and anxiety attacks regularly, I also suffered agoraphobia in the past. The best thing you can do is not to force her to come round or the time, don't judge her if she has to leave, let her know you understand and she doesn't have to stay, but she's welcome to if she wants.

The odd hug wouldn't be too inappropriate either, if she so desires. Sending massive hugs to you all because I know it's a difficult situation, but she will overcome it, all she needs is time, and support x

DomRavioli

That sounds just like me OP - although you wouldn't get me in a cinema!

Best thing to do is not put pressure on your friend - I have lost so many friends because they were putting pressure on me to be "normal" and I just couldn't do it. Tell them you are there if and when they need you, but until they get a handle on it, don't set things in stone, most people with anxiety need people to be flexible until they are ok with something.

I'm thankful that I'm at the other end of the tunnel, but it took months of preparation, re-learning, and facing the fact that the fight or flight mechanism (which is what anxiety comes from) is perfectly ok - you just have to get used to the way it works.

Oh and we are not the easiest to deal with when the anxiety is high. Please be forgiving! They may tell you to go away and leave them alone - its not a reflection of you, they just can't cope with the situation they are in at that precise moment.

victory

Thank you for the replies, great advice thank you:D

marisco_2

Your friend clearly feels comfortable and at ease around you enough, to have confided in you about her condition. A very dear friend of mine suffered terribly from anxiety and depression and over time he learnt many techniques which helped him control his feelings.

When he felt his anxiety creeping up on him he took time-out; meditated, listened to music, got a massage, or tried other relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and stretching. He avoided excess alcohol and caffeine. Alcohol in particular can seem to help anxiety at first, but it can rebound, leaving you more anxious than ever. Getting plenty of sleep worked wonders. While you're stressed, your body needs extra sleep and rest. He didn't skip meals even when he felt low and didn't feel like eating much. He also kept healthy, energy-boosting snacks around. A daily exercise routine helped greatly. Not only was it good for him physically, but exercise tends to release the "feel good" chemicals from the brain. Exercise also helps you channel the nervous energy from anxiety disorders.

He accepted that all he could do was his best and didn't aim for perfection. Started to be proud of his accomplishments, big and small. Even if it was just getting out of bed of a morning. He broke bigger tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks and did them piece by piece rather than focussing on the big picture. He realised he couldn't control everything. Also sometimes stepping away from a problem helped to clear his head and refocused him.

Whenever possible, he avoided situations he knew would send him straight into an anxiety attack. He didn't feel the need to suffer in silence or to over explain his reasons for not going. He had a medical condition and needed to take care of himself. He meets up with myself and our group of friends occasionally and seems to get a lot from it. Relaxing with friends and having a laugh and sharing some humour is one of the few ways to bring about a much needed feeling of lightness.

southerngirl_2

I too have recently been experiencing anxiety and panic attacks due to stress at work. With support from my GP and counselling I could understand how my anxiety had slowly been building up and what I needed to do to get myself well again.

I'm not sure how it is for your friend but for me my anxiety was so high that all my emotions where just beneath the surface and it would only take something small to set me off, I found it very difficult to have too much noise or stimulus around me (even having the tv on was too much initially) and I got to the point where I simply couldn't think anymore or even feel able to make decisions. I had become this way because I was never letting my mind rest and I was always thinking ahead about what I had to do next etc, this was leaving me feeling exhausted and too tired to do exercise or any activities that make me feel happy.

If one of my friends had said what can I do to help - I would have told them that initially I was enjoying some time to myself doing very little to allow my mind just to rest. I would sit looking out on the garden enjoying the peace and quiet and also fit some gentle exercise into my day by going for a walk (I found walking near water along the canal very relaxing) and keeping my thoughts in the very present. Exercise is very important for releasing those feel good endorphin's. I made sure I did something every day that gave me some pleasure & made me feel happy (for me this was gardening, cooking or reading) I avoided any highly stimulating environments. I found texts from friends helpful just to say they were thinking of me and if I needed anything to let them know - these texts didn't put any pressure on me yet still reminded me that people were thinking of me and they cared. The last thing I needed during this time was to be around people who were negative, would talk about their problems or put any type of pressure on me, to start with I didn't even have the energy to make any decisions about anything. When my mind started to feel more rested and I started to get my energy back I then felt ready to meet up with a friend for coffee or just go for a walk with them and enjoy being outside.

I hope some of this helps

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Something that could be helpful is to know how to respond to a panic attack.

Be calm, softly spoken and very still. Talk gently, saying something like 'it's ok, the feelings will ease off in a minute'. Let them lie on their back with their feet flat if at all possible, as even sitting can make it worse, especially if they're over breathing (less noticeable than stereotypical hyperventilating, but still likely to end up with dizziness, fainting and a strong fear of it happening again).


Other than that, be aware of exits free of obstruction. And develop a speed walk for the times when they're just about keeping a lid on it, but know they need to leave NOW and you have to keep up. Plus, if you can see the signs of anxiety start, a calm voice just letting them know you're there (and if possible, they can leave and you'll stay in the queue/only a couple of minutes left and we can go) can also help.

sassyblue

Learning deep breathing may help it was what helped me in the end. Breathe in through your nose and out slowly through the mouth. When she's panicking (or feeling panicky) the breaths become shallow and quick so really trying to hold it in and eventually being able to breathe in so the chest is fully expanded before breathing out will quickly stop the panic attack and help her to stay calm.

If she panics with you encourage her to slow her breathing down and breath deeply, it really works.

The beauty about it is no-one will even know you're doing deep breathing to stay calm once you've got the hang of it.

I even put cold water down the back of my neck once when l couldn't control the panic, that gasp of shock started me to slow my breathing down. :-(

Buick

It sounds like you have some insight OP (and the other posters on here too). Unfortunately far too often people think of anxiety disorder as just someone 'being nervous'. No, it's a disorder!! It stops you being able to function normally.

Edwardia

I had panic attacks when I was newly married, trying to restore a house and combine this with a degree and this organisation helped me.
http://www.nopanic.org.uk/