CSA and self employed fathers

kelloggs36

Quite! Yes they are still together - they were made for eachother! Apparently she has been constantly on the phone to the Court Presenting officer clearly trying to ensure that my ex doesn't get sent down lol. What I find odd, is that she is the third party representative on the case so she acts on behalf of my ex as he has made it clear that he won't deal with anything to do with the CSA. I can't decide what is going on in their heads when he has already been given a suspended sentence for not paying, which he breached; hence the current hearings and order to remortgage. He failed to pay even when I have e-mails which showed that they made false promises which I passed to the CSA as evidence of wilfull and culpable neglect to pay. Is it down to her or him that his is in this situation? If she hasn't been telling him the whole story then if I were him I would be absolutely livid that her actions had led to this happening to me, and if it is him, then if I were her then I would be seriously questioning my relationship with him - I couldn't stay with a man who clearly neglects his own child as it could happen to me if we ever split up.

If you were about to be sent to prison, would you still continue to refuse to pay? Would you still string the CSA along even though after weeks of adjourned hearings, the outcome is inevitable? Why put yourself through all this stress?

TheWaltons_3

kelloggs36 wrote: »

Quite! Yes they are still together - they were made for eachother! Apparently she has been constantly on the phone to the Court Presenting officer clearly trying to ensure that my ex doesn't get sent down lol. What I find odd, is that she is the third party representative on the case so she acts on behalf of my ex as he has made it clear that he won't deal with anything to do with the CSA. I can't decide what is going on in their heads when he has already been given a suspended sentence for not paying, which he breached; hence the current hearings and order to remortgage. He failed to pay even when I have e-mails which showed that they made false promises which I passed to the CSA as evidence of wilfull and culpable neglect to pay. Is it down to her or him that his is in this situation? If she hasn't been telling him the whole story then if I were him I would be absolutely livid that her actions had led to this happening to me, and if it is him, then if I were her then I would be seriously questioning my relationship with him - I couldn't stay with a man who clearly neglects his own child as it could happen to me if we ever split up.

If you were about to be sent to prison, would you still continue to refuse to pay? Would you still string the CSA along even though after weeks of adjourned hearings, the outcome is inevitable? Why put yourself through all this stress?

Having been told of how vindictive this woman was towards your daughter - a child - I could quite believe that it is her who has indeed worsened this situation by encouraging him not to pay any money. She could very well have been seething that he had to give money to you - not seeing it as maintenance for his daughter. It does seem that they were made for each other!!

The fact that she is his representative - well, I would be tempted to send her down for non payment too - a representative is someone who is dealing with something, on someones behalf. She hasn't dealt with this at all. On the contrary, she is a big part of this and this makes 'revenge' taste so much sweeter.

It isn't really 'revenge' as you know. He is simply paying what is owed - like many fathers are paying weekly/monthly all over the UK without a problem. He has chosen not to do this and it has bitten him (and her) on the !!!! big time.

Nasty people get their comeuppance, they really do. What goes around comes around.. we must believe in Karma else we'd crack up!

Sad thing is, had she not been a big part in all of this... he could have played an active role in his Daughters life. Now he has blown it. And as for her, well as you say, she should really question her relationship because no way would I want to be with a man who could cut his child off completely without compassion...

He may end up hating her after all of this, and I bet things in their house are ... strained... to say the least :T

Serves the vindictive !!!!! right.

djdido2

I'm in exactly the same situation. Have been phoning the CSA on a weekly basis for the last two years and they tell me exactly the same thing every single time. Got a letter this morning saying XXX does has to pay £0.00 per week as his net income is less than £5 per week.

What an absolute joke. Not even a homeless person could survive on that!. The job hopping prat has decided to pay nothing towards his son and has sent a text message saying that we dont exist anymore.

No birthday cards, phone calls or anything. HE IS WORKING!! as a taxi driver and has been seen by many people including myself.

I am so mad its untrue. I'm not going to waste my time and energy on him a moment longer. Since leaving him I have my own business and have bought a house. We have managed this far without him or a partner, so I am just going to get on with it.

kelloggs36

I like the idea that the third party could face the same penalties as the NRP themselves - as you say the lack of action is her responsibility as she is doing it all FOR him. If I said to my partner that my actions had led to him possibly going to prison, I don't think he would be too pleased with me. I would love to be a fly on the wall in their house!

My daughter now says that she hates her father as he hates her. She has concluded this for herself - she was the one who suffered at her stepmother's hands (literally). When she DID stay with them (the last time being about 7 years ago) she told me what the !!!! used to say and do to her. unfortunately as her mother who never witnessed this first hand, it is very difficult to know exactly what went on. I do believe what she says, but it would be pointless in confronting them as there would be total denials and it could have made it even worse! In the end, my DD told her father and was told 'sorry, but my wife comes first and I have to believe her'. i had encouraged her to tell her father as he would be in a position to do something but he completely let her down. What my DD suggested was that her father took her out on her own sometimes, but he didn't want to and just ignored her pleas.

TheWaltons_3

kelloggs36 wrote: »

I like the idea that the third party could face the same penalties as the NRP themselves - as you say the lack of action is her responsibility as she is doing it all FOR him. If I said to my partner that my actions had led to him possibly going to prison, I don't think he would be too pleased with me. I would love to be a fly on the wall in their house!

Exactly - my hubby would be furious with me. I am his CSA representative but only when he is too busy to talk. I actually speak to his ex more than him, and the relationship is as ideal as any could be - obviously we're not best friends and there is perhaps mutual distrust, however, CSA is something, like the Council Tax, that must be paid.

It sounds like he has buried his head in the sand, and perhaps she is very overbearing and demanding? It can be hard in situations like this, one partner will do anything to please the other. Perhaps he feels this is his last chance at a relationship? Who knows.

My daughter now says that she hates her father as he hates her. She has concluded this for herself - she was the one who suffered at her stepmother's hands (literally). When she DID stay with them (the last time being about 7 years ago) she told me what the !!!! used to say and do to her. unfortunately as her mother who never witnessed this first hand, it is very difficult to know exactly what went on. I do believe what she says, but it would be pointless in confronting them as there would be total denials and it could have made it even worse! In the end, my DD told her father and was told 'sorry, but my wife comes first and I have to believe her'. i had encouraged her to tell her father as he would be in a position to do something but he completely let her down. What my DD suggested was that her father took her out on her own sometimes, but he didn't want to and just ignored her pleas.

This is unforgiveable. Perhaps his wife has been feeding him with all sorts of lies about his Daughter? Whatever the truth is, the emotional damage has been done and can't be undone. Your Daughter has been hurt. Money can't and won't undo that hurt, but it will help for her future. I don't think she will ever see this as good though, what good is 25k when your own Dad has blanked you?

Well done for being strong enough to cope with this and for getting justice. As for that pair... I would love to be a fly on the wall too (I'm nosy) but I'd bet my last pound that they fight like hell! Sadly, his controlling wife hasn't reckoned that the CSA really will take them for what they owe - if she disliked your Daughter that much.. perhaps she could have just paid you to 'buy' you off. Many men do this to appease their partners.

She really is one stupid woman. How brilliant is it, and how sickening for her, that they now have to part with 25k... ohhhh I'd love to watch her for just one minute when you get the money :rotfl:

kelloggs36

Yes me too! I am tempted to e-mail her with a thanks for the money message! I could just then say 'sorry we can't reply as we are on holiday for a month' lol. Not that it would be true, but it would upset her!!!!! I have decided to put some of the money into a high interest savings account for DD when she finishes uni. That way she will not be tempted to waste it and will learn to be self-sufficient and work for her living. When she qualifies, she will have a nice lump sum to do what she wants with. The rest will go on bills and overdrafts etc and maybe a small family holiday.

kelloggs36

For anybody who feels that the money is all my daughter's remember that me and my husband have financially supported her in full for the last 7 years since she has been cut off from her father so technically I could just repay my hubby with all the money he has spent on my DD when he didn't have to, but did by virtue of the fact that he took her on as part of the package. We have had to make sacrifices financially as we haven't had the maintenance when it was due.

TheWaltons_3

kelloggs36 wrote: »

For anybody who feels that the money is all my daughter's remember that me and my husband have financially supported her in full for the last 7 years since she has been cut off from her father so technically I could just repay my hubby with all the money he has spent on my DD when he didn't have to, but did by virtue of the fact that he took her on as part of the package. We have had to make sacrifices financially as we haven't had the maintenance when it was due.

You don't have to justify yourself!!!

If you wanted to keep 10k and pay off debts... that is perfectly acceptable and NECESSARY!!!

£15 in a High Interest Savings account will do just nicely over the next few years!!

Kimitatsu

kelloggs36 wrote: »

For anybody who feels that the money is all my daughter's remember that me and my husband have financially supported her in full for the last 7 years since she has been cut off from her father so technically I could just repay my hubby with all the money he has spent on my DD when he didn't have to, but did by virtue of the fact that he took her on as part of the package. We have had to make sacrifices financially as we haven't had the maintenance when it was due.

Dont feel the need to justify yourself! You have earnt the right to that money and how you choose to use it best for your family is up to you!

Family holidays and a family that has fewer stresses over money is just as important as her having a large amount in a high interest account. She will enjoy it whatever, a family holiday sounds a really good idea.

kelloggs36

Thanks guys! I am so used to people saying that all the money belongs to the child, but in the real world there are bills to pay and food to buy, all of which of course does benefit the children, but this case is slightly different as we have not received anything when we needed it and will all come at once! At least we can relax (once it comes of course) knowing that we can at least support my DD whilst she is at uni if she gets desperate as we won't have the credit card bill hanging over us any more!

DJdido - I would never give up but obviously if it is causing you stress you must come to your own decisions. I tried not to get stressed over it as I had nothing to lose so I could keep fighting. Of course each action (or lack of it) was stressful and frustrating, but it was never the end of the line. For every letter HE got from the CSA was a reminder that he does in fact have a daughter - as much as he would like to forget that fact!!!