How to tell a close relative they smell?!

Frugalbride

Inspired by another thread I am wondering how I can tell a 28 year old man they smell and look scruffy?
To be fair I have already hinted and directly said he smells and maybe he would like to have a wash at least twice.
He is in a serious relationship and lives with his girlfriend. I have no idea how she has not said something/noticed/asked him to get his act together.
My whole family is concerned, buying him new clothes, vouchers, razors, deodorant, lending him things. He is finding it hard to find a full time job and I am sure that a reason is that he looks unkempt and wears old scruffy clothing. His hair is always messy etc. my husband has lent him a suit for interviews but he wears it with clumpy shoes - doesn't have a clue about looking professional. We think the smell is in his clothes more than anything.

I love him to bits, he is kind, amiable and fun and we are close. However I feel this waning as he is not listening, and if I'm honest I am anxious about what he is going to look/ smell like. I am starting to avoid him. At Christmas he smelled and I told him and asked him to wash and change his top. He laughed it off, didn't and then stank the room out for the rest f the evening! This annoyed me to say the least, as I think it is selfish.
The rest of my family won't say anything and leave it to me although they mention it constantly.

No idea what to do. Wonder if he is depressed, though I don't think so. So worried although I know it is not really my problem. Any ideas?

meritaten

He cant smell it, his GF obviously hasn't said anything - so he thought you were joking?
and when your family whine about it to YOU - tell them to tell HIM! it isn't up to you to 'fire their bullets from YOUR gun'! Perhaps if enough people tell him - he may take notice?

paulineb_2

He could be suffering from depression, back off I would say, youve made your point of view very clear, what else can you do.

gunsandbanjos

He won't change unless he wants to. My ex husband became like this, he became lazy, would wear the same things for weeks without washing, wouldn't brush his teeth etc.
Didn't matter how many times I spoke to him about it, he was just lazy.

I tried my best to grab his clothes to wash at every opportunity, put them on long washes with extra fabric conditioner to get the smell out. I couldn't even wash them with my clothes as the smell transferred!!

Raksha

If the clothes are being dried without heat in the house rather than a tumble drier or on a line outside, there coukd be some bacteria growth that's making the smell

Frugalbride

The clothes are being dried inside. Think this is definitely a cause but not much I can do about that.
Don't think he is depressed as I speak to him often and he is upbeat most of the time, apart from when his job prospects.

Southend1

He's 28, not 8. It's up to him if he wants to look scruffy. As for the smell, again it's up to him but if it really bothers you, you could say that when you're with him you notice an unpleasant odour which makes you feel unwell and may not be able to spend as much time with him as you would like if the odour persists. You only need have the conversation once, if he doesn't do anything about it then you need to look at what you can do e.g. See less of him, stick cotton wool up your nose (!).

The worst case of BO I ever came across was a colleague a few years back. It turned out he was wearing plastic shoes and had sweaty feet. The bacteria were obviously loving the warm wet conditions because the smell was unbearable within a 15 foot radius.

Raksha

Dettol make an anti bac you can add to washing which helps eliminate that smell
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dettol-Antibacterial-Laundry-Cleanser-Spring/dp/B00FQHNDFG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389827414&sr=8-1&keywords=dettol+laundry

jenhug

If he was a close relative of mine i would tell him to stop being a dirty skank and have a proper wash, but thats just me!

andygb

I would say that it is definitely the clothes playing a big part in the smell. Even if he did wash daily, then putting dirty clothes on again would not help matters.
When I was a youngster (infant to mid teens) at home, my mother never had a washing machine (just refused to get one) or tumble dryer, and our clothes absolutely stank, with all too predictable reactions from my school mates. We had to wash the clothes in the bath or sink, and then somehow try to dry them (mostly inside the house - damp problems obviously!).
I really don't know what you do with an adult who refuses to wash though, because we have experienced this from a close relative, and the result was a show of defiance, and even an excuse that washing regularly isn't good for you, and makes you susceptible to germs more!

stir_crazy

paulineb wrote: »

He could be suffering from depression, back off I would say, youve made your point of view very clear, what else can you do.

He's more likely just lazy. One of my brothers is very lazy in the hygiene department even though he also has a long term g/f. She doesnt mention anything so if any of the rest of us tell him, he treats it as a joke. There's not much else you can do really, we've all told him, and also tried less direct hints - buying new clothes, toiletries, etc. and nothing changes.