Would you say something?

Prothet_of_Doom

I'd say: Hey you. I spent 18 years nurturing you and making sure you were healthy and happy, and well educated, and sent you out in the world with no skin problems, and no BO, and you insult me, by spending the next three years treating yourself with an extreme lack of care, you smell, you have bad skin, your diet is appalling, you drink like an alcoholic on a binge, and I am really really angry.
There is no excuse. Get a !!!!ing grip and sort yourself out.
By the way. I want you to change the sheets on your bed, wash and iron the old one's and when that is done you need to clean the bathroom, and hoooover all the house. If I see one flake of skin on my carpet or sofa, then you needn't come home in the summer. Then I'd flounce off in tears, muttering about how you do everything for everyone and they just throw it back in your face.

That's what my mum used to do, and it works. Nothing like emotional blackmail and a guilt trip to shock a young adult into growing up.

Prothet_of_Doom

I have eczema, and have found at 46 years of age that 95% of the time it's caused by stress.

partialycloudy

My Brother (32) is the same.
He is covered it, always has been and always will be. He has actually been signed off work for the past two years because of it.

He also doesnt take care of himself, doesnt eat the right things, drinks far to much, wears dirty clothes.

The thing you have to understand is, that taking a bath and putting cream doesn't solve the problem...it soothes for a short while but then the itching will start again, its a constant battle that he will probably never win.

My brother went through a bad spate of depression, mainly caused by his skin...He wouldn't go out, or speak to anyone, because he feels he looks awful! And your son probably feels the same.
He could wash, wear the smartest suit in the world but he will still have this terrible skin that itches and bleeds like crazy!
I remember my brother at my wedding. He was in a smart suit and looked great, but by the meal he had the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and untucked, so he could scratch, the sleeves had blood spots on them and his face was red and flaky.

There are stronger medications he could try that will help, but they have quite serious side effects, plus light treatment can help.
As horrible as you find the condition, he finds it 10times worse and hearing his own family saying how disgusting it is will not be doing him any favours. Be supportive, its a condition he cannot control.

dandy-candy

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

I'd say: Hey you. I spent 18 years nurturing you and making sure you were healthy and happy, and well educated, and sent you out in the world with no skin problems, and no BO, and you insult me, by spending the next three years treating yourself with an extreme lack of care, you smell, you have bad skin, your diet is appalling, you drink like an alcoholic on a binge, and I am really really angry.
There is no excuse. Get a !!!!ing grip and sort yourself out.
By the way. I want you to change the sheets on your bed, wash and iron the old one's and when that is done you need to clean the bathroom, and hoooover all the house. If I see one flake of skin on my carpet or sofa, then you needn't come home in the summer. Then I'd flounce off in tears, muttering about how you do everything for everyone and they just throw it back in your face.

That's what my mum used to do, and it works. Nothing like emotional blackmail and a guilt trip to shock a young adult into growing up.

Oh you poor thing! That did make me laugh tho (I hope that's what you intended)

Mojisola

partialycloudy wrote: »

Be supportive, its a condition he cannot control.

Letting him get worse with saying anything isn't being supportive.

He can't cure the condition but he can do things that make it more comfortable. By not doing these things, he's not only making life worse for himself but making life bad for the people he is living with and risking making himself a social outcast.

A lot of people live with ongoing conditions that can only be managed. They won't stand out in public because they are managing the symptoms. He needs to realise that, although he's got a horrible condition to live with, he's not the only one and he's making his own life worse by not dealing with it.

dandy-candy

partialycloudy wrote: »

My Brother (32) is the same.
He is covered it, always has been and always will be. He has actually been signed off work for the past two years because of it.

He also doesnt take care of himself, doesnt eat the right things, drinks far to much, wears dirty clothes.

The thing you have to understand is, that taking a bath and putting cream doesn't solve the problem...it soothes for a short while but then the itching will start again, its a constant battle that he will probably never win.

My brother went through a bad spate of depression, mainly caused by his skin...He wouldn't go out, or speak to anyone, because he feels he looks awful! And your son probably feels the same.
He could wash, wear the smartest suit in the world but he will still have this terrible skin that itches and bleeds like crazy!
I remember my brother at my wedding. He was in a smart suit and looked great, but by the meal he had the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and untucked, so he could scratch, the sleeves had blood spots on them and his face was red and flaky.

There are stronger medications he could try that will help, but they have quite serious side effects, plus light treatment can help.
As horrible as you find the condition, he finds it 10times worse and hearing his own family saying how disgusting it is will not be doing him any favours. Be supportive, its a condition he cannot control.

This sounds very much like DS1. It is such a shame because he has such a great personality, very witty, loving, kind, moral & aside from his eczema he is a good looking guy. The creams he's been on for so long that the skin on his knees, elbows and wrists are really thick like elephant hide.

That is the hard part for me, if I say it's gross and I'm his mum, then he really will feel unlovable. The thing is I know it doesn't have to be as bad as it is with a bit more attention and effort on his part.

dizziblonde

The one thing that is guaranteed NOT to work is telling him to stop scratching (I'm in the middle of a particularly terrible flare up myself at the moment). Cleaning up after his scratch a thon though... yep.

Mine's made MASSIVELY worse by stress - usually my mother!

paulineb_2

Ive known people who have eczema very very badly and the symptoms can only be managed to a certain degree. People with much worse eczema than I had as a kid and mine was pretty severe.

I agree, hes not helping himself, but if you havent suffered from it yourself and I appreciate some people have, you dont know just how horrible and painful it can be. You cant help scratching. I used to get prescribed steroid cream, I think in those days it was called betnovate, but theres a risk of skin thinning if you use too much and it had to go on very sparingly and even then, it managed the outbreaks, it didnt clear them completely.

Georgiegirl256

dandy-candy wrote: »

He knows breaking the skin risks infections but he will look at me and say "I know but I can't help it" scratching all the while!

It is really hard to break the scratch/itch cycle....really hard. My husband and my parents always tell me to stop itching, and I do while they are there, and then as soon as they aren't looking, I'll start again! Luckily I haven't been bothered with it for a while, touch wood!

Totally agree with whoever mentioned it flaring up with stress, that can be a trigger for me too.

Georgiegirl256

paulineb wrote: »

Ive known people who have eczema very very badly and the symptoms can only be managed to a certain degree. People with much worse eczema than I had as a kid and mine was pretty severe.

I agree, hes not helping himself, but if you havent suffered from it yourself and I appreciate some people have, you dont know just how horrible and painful it can be. You cant help scratching. I used to get prescribed steroid cream, I think in those days it was called betnovate, but theres a risk of skin thinning if you use too much and it had to go on very sparingly and even then, it managed the outbreaks, it didnt clear them completely.

That's the cream I had too. It's the only thing that I found worked for me.