Apparently I'm the wicked witch from the west

missty25

I actually did apologise straight away and also yesterday as I do know it was out of order loosing my cool with my MIL.

duchy

Sounds like everyone tip-toes around SIL on eggshells for fear of upsetting her and that her tragic event has left her a little unstable (or at least she is thought of that way by your MIL). It may not be fair but at least the cousins do see each other at their Grandmother's and for the rest as cousins they will either grow closer and make their own dynamic to see each other more ...or grow apart-as some cousins do when they become old enough to choose their own friends. All you really can do is put your MIL straight and assure her you will keep her confidence -and thank her for letting you know the reasons so at least you know. Other than that there is nothing more you can do for now without risking inflaming the situation.

newcook

Can you not phone to ask about their DD coming to yours and when she says ‘no we’re busy’ just ask her outright if you have done something to upset or offend her as they never visit anymore. Then its up to her if she tells you what her issues with you are and you haven’t dropped MIL in it.