How safe is a refuge?

tayforth

A's friends and family want her and her son to stay with a violent man????

Dear God.

whitewing

If you have ongoing concerns about the baby, then you need to speak to Social Services or the NSPCC yourself. Don't assume that anyone else is, even if police are aware of some of the violence.

Also don't assume that the mother, the friend or the mother's family will see sense.

thefishdude

i believe they are very very carefull with secuirty recently offered lots of free baby toys and things to a refuge they agreed as they allways in need as generally speaking poeple dont turn up there with everything packed and ready of course. so had to meet them in a car park. we had to give descriptions of ourselves and the car and wait to be approached by someone. so never saw what car they came in or were they were based.

Yorkie1

peachyprice wrote: »

A refuge is only as safe as B will let it be, if she's going to tell all and sundry where she is staying she won't be safe for long, but if she's willing to not say anything she'll be safer there that she could ever be with A.

How does she think C will find out where it is? Refuges are very anonymous, they're not listed anywhere and if you're staying there you don't give out the address, so unless she she continually returns to the area to see her friends and thinks he's going to follow her back he shouldn't be able to find her. It sounds as if she doesn't quite think she can cut ties to the area.

peachyprice wrote: »

If she doesn't intend breaking ties with C it would be very unfair to encourage her into a refuge when revealing the whereabouts of it will put the lives of all the women there at risk.

I couldn't agree more with PP's two posts. Given that B is not willing (or able) to cut ties with C then a refuge is not the right place for her.

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

The problem at the moment is that B doesn't seem to want to cut ties with C, even though their lives could be at risk and A wants to try and 'help' so isn't encouraging B to take the refuge place or seek the help she needs.

I'll try and talk to her to see if she'll take things more seriously. I think she's putting herself, B and baby B at risk.

I think A wants to help B more than B wants help at the moment, and A is likely to be seen as interfering by either B or C at some point, despite the best of her intentions.

Ultimately, B is responsible for her choices. If there are concerns for baby B's safety then the NSPCC or social services should be notified.

My guess is that it's almost inevitable that C will eventually find out A's address if B is staying there and C wants to find it out. The previous advice for A to speak to the local police DV unit so that there's an alert put on the address is sound, if the police will do this.

marisco_2

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Her friends and family are encouraging her to stick by him she really needs a fresh start away from it all.

Are this woman's friends and family fully aware of what she has endured? Sufferers of domestic violence have enough trouble facing up to and acknowledging what they have gone through, let alone feel able to confide all of it in even those closest to them. It could be very beneficial to pass on the phone number of Women's Aid, 0808 2000 247 to her. They are very experienced in helping and supporting those who find themselves in similar situations. I would also highly recommend the Samaritans as another sounding board.

MamaMoo_2

Hi.
Having spent some time in a refuge, I can tell you mine was incredibly safe & secure.
There were two sets of security doors to enter through, which passed via an office that was manned 24/7, so if someone got past the first door, they weren't getting any further. You couldn't open one without closing the other unless the fire alarm had been activated.
Every woman in there had a mobile number of a domestic violence officer at the local station which was a 2 minute drive away. That mobile was in the hands of an available officer 24/7, as when the liaison was off duty he would pass it to another colleague in his team. The staff and the DV liaison officer asked for photos of my ex so they could identify him if they saw him hanging around.
I was offered a place 40 miles away as they like you to be in a different town to the violent partner.
The address is kept private and the premises are very discrete, nothing about it being a refuge etc stands out.
Mine had gated parking too so you wouldn't be identified by your car being parked outside.
The staff were incredible, even when I got dropped off there they asked me to be driven to a local leisure centre, then transferred my belongings into the worker's car and took me the last leg themselves.
I felt so secure, I honestly couldn't recommend a refuge enough if you need protection.


If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me. x

Mrs_Imp

Thanks again for all your input. I know it's a bit of a difficult topic.

I'll talk to A to make sure she's aware of how safe refuges are (safer than having B at her house!), and maybe she can talk to B about leaving C for good. He's hospitalised her more than once, yet there are those who still believe that he's 'not a bad sort really' :mad: I know that everyone deserves a chance, but he's had too many.

I'm now thinking of donating some of our old toys and clothes to refuges thanks to your posts.

Mrs_Imp

Just a quick update. C did indeed find out where A lived and has just turned up. I curtain twitched in case the police needed to be called. B and baby B left with C. Seems she's taken him back as he's 'sorry'. It makes me very sad. I hope she'll have the strength to leave him soon.

I told A that if they stay again she needs to let the police know she's there so they can respond quickly to any calls.

Thanks again for your help.

TBagpuss

Sorry to hear this.
For those concerned about the baby - Police would automatically notify Social Services if they are called to a domestic violence incident and there are children in the household.
It would also be possible for you to contact your social services department anonymously if you are concerned about the safety of the child.
Ultimately, B is the only one who can make the decision to break away from C. If/Whe she is ready to do so, she should be able to access Legal Aid to help pay for the cost of an injunction or any proceeding relating to contact with the child (legal aid has been axed for almost everything, domestic abuse is one of the few exceptions)

Also, A can call the police if C come s to her home - she does not need to wait for B to agree to this.

most police forces have a domestic abuse liaison officer who may be able to help with access to additional security etc should B return to A's house, and need support.