The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

Poppety

For some reason when I'm clicking "Thank you" on posts it's not registering. I would like to know I thank you all!

New_Me

Poppety wrote: »

For some reason when I'm clicking "Thank you" on posts it's not registering. I would like to know I thank you all!

I get that too, I have to hold it for a bit until it decides to take

graemecarter

stupotstu wrote: »

So today I am hungover and remorseful.

Feel awful. I had a straight run of 10 AF days preceded by a 3 day binge before that.

Friends came for dinner last night and I initially sat out the wine then for some reason whilst discussing a future, exciting venture, I had a glass of wine which I spritzered. Then I spritzered it down again for safety then before I know it I was on my 4th or 5th glass of unspritzered and whilst in kitchen making the coffees (away from prying eyes) I topped up my coffee with a massive liqueur then more wine after that. Then watched Celeb BB with more wine finally retiring to bed long after my OH with no clear recollection of it. Luckily no repeats of the previous incident but I have been pacing the floor today in anguish terrified that something could have happened. I am lucky to even still have my partner after that incident.

I haven't been back to AA after my initial couple of meetings.
At the risk of being judged and thought badly of i will tell you exactly why.
I really struggle with AA. I struggle with the desperation I see. I struggle with the poverty I witness. I struggle going to ugly church halls, community centres etc. I struggle hearing about the tragedy and loneliness I hear in some of my AA colleagues lives where I have such a fortunate life of abundance on all fronts. I look around and I feel decades younger than everyone else. It always feels like it takes up too much of my evening (not because I feel I should be drinking I might add).
I am going to go back to a meeting tomorrow but I am not comfortable doing so. Maybe it all feels too close and uncomfortable so I've thrown up all these defence mechanisms.

Tonight I am definitely not drinking.

Thank you all for your kind words and supportive encouragement.

SPS. X

Thanks for your honesty Stu.
I sometimes I feel the way you do at meetings, that I am different from other people there and their lives are 'harder'.
That is true to an extent, but the reason that both they and myself are in the same room is that we both have had struggles with alcohol and alcoholism.
The poverty and ill health I sometimes see at meetings are good reminders to me that my life was heading in that direction. If I carried on drinking I would have lost my job, relationships, health etc
I go to different meetings during the week. My Thursday meeting is more upper middle class and wealthy, and my Sunday less so. Both are good for me.

I think of getting sober like getting fit. I need to go to the gym regularly, work hard and keep going, and it will take months. If I stop going to the gym, I lose my fitness.
I cannot expect to get fit after just 2 gym sessions, and I cannot expect to get and stay sober after 2 meetings.
That's just my thoughts on the matter.

There are other things apart from AA. I hope you find whatever works for you.

ManPants

I've sent Moany Stu away! Normal happy one today.

Didn't drink last night and have woken up refreshed and clear headed. Going to get myself ready and head out to a daytime AA meeting.
Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement. It really is helping. Perhaps if I'd stayed with this thread all along I wouldn't be in quite the situation I'm in now but hindsight is a wonderful thing and retrospective musings always reminds me of an "expert friend" who is always the wise words after the events have occurred.

Thank you to Graemecarter, Maman, Piggles1, AlexLK, HoneyBear, DizzyImp, Maggiesoup & Poppety for your kind words and encouragement.

I'm feeling so positive now that I will call in early for tonight taking my monthly total to 24/31 AF. so far with more days to come.


SPS X

Honey_Bear

maman wrote: »

I tell myself to look forward to a nice evening in, get all comfy, mug of tea, trash tv, chocolate....... (insert whatever you enjoy doing;)). That works for me.

What a lot we have in common, Maman! I have to wait for OH to go out to watch real trash (KUWTKs anyone?) but I relish those evenings!

piggles1 wrote: »

There's a little blip in my plan though. I've got to meet my friend who said 'but you never got drunk' (I had a huge tolerance! ) and saying he must stop when he doesn't have a problem. He won't drink if I'm not, and he can't go to the pub if we're not drinking so our meetup never happens, then he says what's wrong with a couple? then he says well howabout a half, then he says ok, none and we won't go the the pub, so we don't meet at all, etc. etc. It goes round in circles. Why can't he just have a pint and I'll have none? But he won't do that either. There's nowhere else to meet and I'd like to go out. I feel pressured by it though that I have to drink because he is.

Hmm. I don't know, Piggles. It sounds to me as though your friend may have some issues around alcohol. There are a lot of people who can go to a pub without having a drink, so I'm just not sure what your friend is telling you about himself, but it doesn't seem to be that straightforward.

There are cafes, coffee shops, museums, galleries, exhibitions and all sorts of places that don't have licences to sell alcohol where people meet up and have a great time; those of us that have an issue with alcohol tend to forget they're there. One of the reasons I have a dog is to make me go out and about, so I'm always looking for lovely walks, even in the winter. I hope you find somewhere neutral that you can both enjoy without having to think about booze.

StupotStu, there's an organisation called Smart that is about addiction and recovery that some people find suits them better, or it may just be that, as Graham Carter suggested, you haven't found the right AA meeting, because each one has it's own vibe. Speaking entirely personally, I don't think it would have worked for me, but I didn't ask my doctor for help either and for a lot of people it's the first place they get help.

If I'd found it impossible to stay off the sauce with the support that I carefully chose to suit me, I'd have racked it up and started adding all of the resources I could think off until I found the combination that did. The great thing to recognise at this stage is that you went 10 days without booze, and the trick to giving up anything is to never give up giving up. You will succeed if you keep working at it.

28/31 please, Shaggy.

cathybird

Calling it very early today - 28/31 for me please Shaggy

gien

AFD 25 in the bag for me so 25/31 so far.

I am off to the mountains for the weekend this evening. Tonight will be AF, tomorrow and Saturday I will have a drink I'm sure but I will make sure that I don't drink too much. I do not want to wake up on Saturday or Sunday morning feeling dreadful.

maggiesoup1

Met a friend and went to see a 6pm movie last night then he kindly suggested taking me for supper so would have been rude not to accept! My oh so smug self whispered "of course you can have a small glass of wine with the meal" I had the car after all so couldn't have another, but as soon as I got home the "you've started so you may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb" got the better of me and I tucked into two large Bic & cokes (and not the decaf coke either) while watching News at Ten.

Paying for it today as I was up at 4am for a headache tablet again and the pounding has continued throughout the day, despite just going for a swim to try to shake it off.

Bought liquorice tea on my way home so will not be drinking tonight. I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth drinking alcohol at all as there are so many negative after effects. Time will tell.

piggles1

New_Me wrote: »

Can you agree to meet, then get the drinks in and make yours non alcoholic? Change your mind in the pub Would a non alcoholic version work?

heh I wondered about that except he has a weird expression when I decide to have non alcoholic stuff, a kind of mystified and trying not to be cross. But I think a decision in the pub is better yes.

smiley_77 wrote: »

This is totally how it happened for me and by the time you realise that this has been your coping mechanism it is well embedded and it is taking me a long Tim to not only change my thinking but find alternative ways to cope with the stress and anxiety it helped to blot out.

Well I will be taking all the victories I can. I know really I should never drink again bit I'm just going to get to the end of January.

Thanks to everyone who post on here it is helping me massivley.

It is really difficult isn't it. I was disappointed when I didn't drink and it didn't all go away. But I'm telling myself it's easier to cope with when not drinking. I suppose it takes practice to change something as big a crutch as alcohol. There is a sense of freedom though that comes with AFDs, almost like leaving a rotten chore behind for a bit.

You're doing well though smiley and I'm glad I'm not the only one who started for the reasons I did.

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Hmm. I don't know, Piggles. It sounds to me as though your friend may have some issues around alcohol. There are a lot of people who can go to a pub without having a drink, so I'm just not sure what your friend is telling you about himself, but it doesn't seem to be that straightforward.

There are cafes, coffee shops, museums, galleries, exhibitions and all sorts of places that don't have licences to sell alcohol where people meet up and have a great time; those of us that have an issue with alcohol tend to forget they're there. One of the reasons I have a dog is to make me go out and about, so I'm always looking for lovely walks, even in the winter. I hope you find somewhere neutral that you can both enjoy without having to think about booze.

I think you're right there's something else going on Honey Bear. I'm just not sure what it is. He has very small amounts when he does drink, but just doesn't like it when I don't.

Many years back when I stopped drinking for a bit (I forgot this other time, it was short), I lost a lot of friends during it. They didn't know how to approach me, and gave me that quizzical look that my friend does. It unsettles people when I'm not the boozing pub mate. I'm still the same person, still laugh, talk the same, but there's something they don't like. If they didn't know it was alcohol free they'd be the same as always.

I'll talk to my friend I think when I see him. If he has a beer in he'll drink it, but if he has none he won't bother. So he'll drink because the beer is in the pub, have one or two then that's it. I can't do that, I'll carry on when I get home. So for me it's easier to have none in the pub, but why does he hate it when he can stop after two but I can't. Is it because I'm no longer being part of their excuse to drink? Maybe I'm being selfish, but I'm not sure what's going on.

I had another AFD, and tonight if I don't have any will be the longest I've gone without for two and a half weeks.

So far though, 18/18 AFD please shaggy

piggles1

stupotstu wrote: »

I've sent Moany Stu away! Normal happy one today.

Didn't drink last night and have woken up refreshed and clear headed. Going to get myself ready and head out to a daytime AA meeting.
Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement. It really is helping. Perhaps if I'd stayed with this thread all along I wouldn't be in quite the situation I'm in now but hindsight is a wonderful thing and retrospective musings always reminds me of an "expert friend" who is always the wise words after the events have occurred.

Thank you to Graemecarter, Maman, Piggles1, AlexLK, HoneyBear, DizzyImp, Maggiesoup & Poppety for your kind words and encouragement.

I'm feeling so positive now that I will call in early for tonight taking my monthly total to 24/31 AF. so far with more days to come.


SPS X

You're doing brill there stupotstu to keep picking yourself up again each time and going AF. And thanks also for the wellwishes in your previous post

I'm going to remember your pacing the floor drinking water if that's ok. You showed it can be done