Getting divorced

BigAunty

sappersmum wrote: »

At the moment I don't know what I am doing. I feel lost, helpless, on my own and don't know what to do..

Once you have sought legal advice regarding the divorce and settlement you will feel less anxious as you will have expert advice about your options and rights.

Once you have rang one or more of the support bodies that were recommended, you will feel less alone and more a part of a community of abused women, partners of alcoholics, someone going through a divorce and see yourself as more part of a group with common experiences.

You probably feel guilty about your ex's impending accommodation change, even though it was his behaviour that has caused this need for a separation. To allay this, you could research organisations that help with ex Armed forces housing/homelessness to provide some help for him to look into himself. As you are aware, it is up to him to help himself, you can't make the changes for him. Starting point here

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/whats_your_situation/ex-forces

http://www.homelessuk.org/details.asp?id=QA66

Floxxie

There is a website called wikivorce and if you post your situation, you will receive advice. There are solicitors who post on the site and there is also a helpline.

Re the house: just because it is only your name on the deeds, it does not mean that your husband has no rights. The situation can be explained from a legal basis on the Wikivorce site.

Take Wikivorce as your starting point and then obtain firm legal guidance from the information received. Act as soon as possible.

Good luck.

sappersmum

Just registered with wikivorce but won't let me on chat on iPad as Adobe isn't compatible. Will try on laptop tomorrow.

sappersmum

have checked some info today. Mortgage has 18,500 left, 8 yrs or so. I never remortgaged I had an advance do is that the same. House is ex council house so only worth £130,000 ish. If he had 50 o/other I would have to sell the house, I have stairlift, bathroom adapted, and rails outside to help me get in.

BigAunty

sappersmum wrote: »

have checked some info today. Mortgage has 18,500 left, 8 yrs or so. I never remortgaged I had an advance do is that the same. .

Can you afford the monthly payments on your ESA/DLA payments - what is the monthly mortgage payment versus your monthly income?

To help you determine affordability now the income into the house will decrease, download the MSE budget planner and be brutally honest about all your bills and expenses, including contingency for repairs.

Do also work through the site to identify the cheapest energy, insurance, tv, telecoms, broadband tariffs to see if you can slash these outgoings. There is plenty of other advice about how to be ultra thrifty - cheap groceries, frugal recipes, etc. But do be honest about your budget.

If there is any risk that after he leaves, you will struggle to pay the mortgage, you should see the Shelter website for advice for homeowners and consider speaking to your lender now before you get into arrears.

I really don't know what you mean by an 'advance' - do you mean to say that you got a 110% mortgage? For example, if property was valued at 50k when you took out the mortgage, did your lender give you 55k?

What I want to get at is if you bought the property in your sole name from the start or if you jointly bought it with your previous partner and then bought him out? But to be honest,perhaps switching from joint to single mortgage is a totally new mortgage, not a remortgage anyway, so the whole mortgage would be counted for the purposes of SMI.

However, SMI only pays the interest part of the mortgage (not the repayment) so how much of your monthly mortgage is interest only? Ask your mortgage company. As per before, while SMI may be a boon there are rumblings from the govt that suggest it is yet another area that they may look to change to make savings so this is something that you need to see not just as a help, but also as a risk if it is taken away before you have paid off your mortgage.

BigAunty

sappersmum wrote: »

. If he had 50 o/other I would have to sell the house, I have stairlift, bathroom adapted, and rails outside to help me get in.

As per the responses in the thread in the housing forum, you need expert legal advice about whether or not he could prove he had any financial interest in the property and whether you have any liability. He wasn't the joint owner, you are the sole owner.

I think but I don't know (I am not legally qualified) that he would have to demonstrate that he paid directly towards the mortgage and upkeep of the house, not just contributed to household bills and general living expenses.

Prepare paperwork on who paid what when during the relationship and then go and see a solicitor.

It may be the case that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask you to pay him off. He might try to negotiate a settlement and perhaps with informed legal advice, it might be suggested that you give him a small sum.

AFAIK, getting him to leave the property and him seeking money from you are two separate issues but do get legal advise. An owner can ask anyone else there to leave the property and can get this enforced, quite easily. Also, if you are a victim of domestic abuse, you may be able to get some kind of protection order - see the Shelter or Womens Aid advice on DA issues.

I appreciate that you've had the property extensively adapted and want to stay there but I can't see how this has anything to do with the separation, divorce or possibility of him seeking a financial settlement.

Get legal advice to find out your options, understand the risks and potential liabilities. I think you've received good advice on support for your issues and his, pointers on benefits like SMI, links to expert advice how to avoid mortgage arrears'/avoid repossession. What's missing now is the legal angle that will inform you of your potential exposure to compensating him (or not).

sappersmum

Thank you very much for taking the time to help me. I appreciate it so much. I will seek legal advice as I know that is going to be the next step as I cannot go on living like this. At least I have an idea of what to do and expect now and at the end of the day it is only bricks and mortar.

Thanks again