Getting divorced

sappersmum

Hi can anyone please help me. My husband and I are separating and I don't know what to do or where I stand with my house and benefits etc. He is an alcoholic and I can't take any more. The house is in my name as I have been here 30 years. We have been married 10 years and that is when he moved in, although been together more like 16/17 years. All bills in my name except sky and talk talk. I am long term registered disabled and get DLA and ESA I think it is called now. Can he make me sell the house? Am so scared. Thanks sappers mum

BigAunty

You should post a link to this thread on the House buying forum as the property experts are there (rather than a duplicate post).

Shelter has a relationship breakdown section that includes basic info on rights/options for house owners.

You should see a divorce lawyer for expert advice on whether he might have any claim in interest in the property. AFAIK, if he is not on the deeds, he cannot stop you from selling it but I don't know what his options are if he is going to argue that he part paid towards the mortgage while he lived with you.

There are support groups for those affected by alcoholism. If you are experiencing a big emotional crisis, the Samaritans can provide a sympathetic ear. If he's been abusive to you, look at the Womens Aid website to determine if you've been affected by domestic abuse and the services they offer.

Have you negotiated child support payments with your ex? Is he still in the property or has he agreed to move out?

sappersmum

I don't know how to do that link, only copy and paste.

Husband is still in the housemate, we or I am going through hell at the moment, have found bottles all over when thought he was sober, he has got counselling etc but can't think things going to get any better but want to say I at least tried to help him. He has not got his name on the house deeds. We have children separately but all grown up and living their own lives. He has not hit me yet but the emotionally stress and abuse is unbelievable. He is not usually sober Friday to Sunday and other days if he off work. I need someone to talk to so talking to military vets !!! tomorrow. Thanks for replying.

galante_inc

Hi Sappersmum

With divorce even if the house is in your name, your husband can effectively be entitled to his 50% share but its best to seek professional legal advice from a family solicitor, with regards to the alcoholism, it is a very difficult situation to be in and whilst he has not hit you, there is always that risk... the big question is what's the reason for the alcoholism, if its because of service in the armed forces, they are more willing to help with the issue...

What it comes down to at the end of the day, do you want to be with this man anymore, do you still love him or has the love gone....does he still make you smile, laugh.. makes your heart flutter...

BigAunty

Simply post a new thread on the Housing forum explaining that you have an existing post on another board that you'd appreciate their help with and copy the link at the top of the page in the address bar. Or simply post a new thread (some people don't like duplicate threads but might understand if you don't have much posting experience).

As you are the owner, AFAIK, he has no rights to remain in the property once you ask him to leave. He has no rights greater than being a guest. You can ask him to leave and change the locks, ask the police to help escort him out if he won't cooperate. Any interest in the property from a financial perspective doesn't mean he has any greater rights.

See the Shelter section on domestic abuse to understand the support you could get.

Do look into Service charities for him. The Royal Legion, and many other armed forces charities, can provide assistance to him, including helping him with housing.

sappersmum

Hi

No he hasn't hit me yet and I don't think he ever will, think being the word. Every weekend or nearly for a whole year it has been spoilt by drink and during the week when he in annual leave etc. he has been having counselling for 8 months for his drinking but told them he was ok, but nothing has changed, infact he has got worse or I have caught him out more. I have forgotten what it is like to laugh or hav a good time and when we so go out which is probably only once or twice a year I am on edge he is sneeking drink. He is being tested at the moment for PTSD and we are being counselled by the military vets !!! who are great but only 9 to 5 mon to Friday so when it is worse at weekend or night I have no one to talk to and I am very down, and keep it as best as I can from my family and sons. I am at my wits end.

bloolagoon

Has he paid towards the mortgage or upkeep of the property?

BigAunty

sappersmum wrote: »

No he hasn't hit me yet and I don't think he ever will, think being the word. .... when it is worse at weekend or night I have no one to talk to and I am very down, and keep it as best as I can from my family and sons. I am at my wits end.

The definition of domestic abuse isn't limited simply and solely to physical violence, it spans a variety of pressure tactics and emotional abuse. And there is no excuse, none whatsoever, that is accepted as justification for any of the abuse - the abuser is solely and totally responsible for it, no one but them. To quote "They can choose, instead, to behave non-violently and foster a relationship built on trust, honesty, and respect."

If any of the behaviour falls within the following guidelines, call Womens Aid. You have to think of your safety and take care of yourself.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence


The Samaritans will offer sympathetic, non judgemental and confidential support to anyone experiencing an emotional crisis, not just those with feelings of suicide. Give them a call to unburden yourself.

http://www.samaritans.org/

You may find your local council has a domestic abuse team - look at their website.

There is no need to feel ashamed or keep it to yourself. Domestic abuse is fairly common and not sharing your problems will only make you feel worse. Alcoholism, too, is also stigmatised but there are many people who will understand what you are going through and can give you the emotional support you need.

Links to alcohol support groups, some that help family members that are affected.

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/Alcoholsupport.aspx

sappersmum

At the moment I don't know what I am doing. I feel lost, helpless, on my own and don't know what to do. I did say I would give it a go until he has his psych tests for PTSD done and counselling but it is the drinking, lies and abuse I can't cope with, Also he is drinking any spare money away..... He had alcohol counselling for 8 months but they said they can't make him tell them the truth and he doesn't. Only I see the real problem.

sappersmum

Over the years he has paid for work to be done. I have everything in my name and pay for everything but he gives me money every month. I have been here 30 years and him 10 so would it be 50/50 split. I am registered disabled and my house is adapted for me. I would hate to loose it but if so would just have to deal with it.

bloolagoon

sappersmum wrote: »

Over the years he has paid for work to be done. I have everything in my name and pay for everything but he gives me money every month. I have been here 30 years and him 10 so would it be 50/50 split. I am registered disabled and my house is adapted for me. I would hate to loose it but if so would just have to deal with it.

When did you BUY the house. From your posts it was a right to buy so I'm not clear when you bought it and when you were a tenant. Hob long ago did you buy it?

Is his name on any loan secured on it?

Have you seen a solicitor?