13yr old son with no appetite / interest in food

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

No wonder you married him!!:D

ha ha, but that comes with the pressure (from myself) to keep up!

Nicki

FBaby wrote: »

My husband said that he went through a phase as a teenager when he just never ever felt hungry. He says that he was just too busy with the things he was doing to be bothered with food. He was very skinny and he didn't care.

He grew to be a very fit sporty adult, and at 45, he has the body of a 20 year old. He takes his eating habits very seriously, has studied nutrition and he could eat healthier. Skipping meals and eating very little during his teenage years have definitely not had any detrimental effects on him in any way.

The trouble is OP's son's diet has already had irreversible detrimental effects on his health so this situation is not the same. She has said that his teeth are in a terrible state with lots of fillings. These are adult teeth so there is no going back from there, and if they are already filled at 13, I would suspect that he is looking at an adult lifetime of root canals and extractions at the least. OP has also said that her son has such poor muscle tone as a result of his diet that he is physically unable to play a full game of football. Again this is not normal for a healthy 13 year old boy, and not something which you would want him to take into adulthood. If he has poor muscle tone due to his diet does he also for example have poor bone density? I know in the area of London I live in there is a big problem again with things like rickets with young adults for example.

I think there is a huge difference between a picky eater who is otherwise healthy, and a child who is refusing food and is already suffering long term health consequences as a result. The colds and low immunity OP also mentions are not nice but those probably are reversible, but the developmental bone and muscle structure stuff isn't. I think now that OP has recognised that the diet is having health consequences for her son, it is not an option to leave things be and hope that he will grow out of his fussiness. She has tried that for 11 years after all with no success, so what is going to be the catalyst for change now after all this time? It would in my opinion be irresponsible not to address this with professional help if his physical health is at risk, and he will likely thank her for doing so when he is older.

Arlandria606

Your son's food choices sound a lot like mine were until I was about 10. I wouldn't eat butter in sandwiches or on toast (dry toast was my preference). Pasta could have nothing on it but fake parmesan from the shaker can things. I didn't like anything saucy, nothing too rich, and nothing with a "funny texture" like stews, chili, etc. The exception was lasagne, which I loved. I really didn't like vegetables and you had to get me in the right mood to eat fruit. I wouldn't eat eggs, either - in something, like pancakes or yorkshire puddings, was fine, but just an egg - however it was prepared - no chance.

I'm now a very enthusiastic chef and a massive foodie. I'll try anything once. My oldest-running "signature dish" is carbonara and my favourite foods include pate and foie gras, things I would have screamed at if anyone even suggested them to me as a child.

It also sounds like my nephew, who won't eat anything that isn't breaded in a dinosaur shape, sweet (but not chocolate), or pizza.

It also sounds like DH - but his mother is the worst cook I know, and he says he wouldn't eat things because they were too dry or too overcooked, and I don't get the impression that's the problem here!

Personally, I just grew out of it. I learned that things I thought I didn't like were sometimes nice prepared in a different way or by a different person. My Mum would then prepare them the way I'd liked them until I just liked them (much to her credit and my gratitude). I also got a LOT better around food when I started cooking myself in my teens - I baked a lot as a child, but it was when I started doing Sunday dinners for the extended family that I got really into food.

With the nephew, I've had great success getting him to eat my cooking. I tend to roast vegetables to keep them sweet and lean towards things like peppers or honey-glazed carrots so that the bitter taste doesn't put him off. I've also had him help pick out ingredients at a farmer's market, teaching him how to tell when vegetables are ripe, getting him to smell things and making lots of yum noises myself, then getting him in the kitchen with me helping to assemble healthier toppings on home-made pizzas. He's always happy to try something he's had a hand in making, and usually he likes it enough to eat a decent portion.

That said, those examples are much younger than 13 - by that age I would, like other posters, expect less pickiness from a child, or at least I would expect fairly consistent likes and dislikes with some input from them as to what they do and don't like.

Maybe the best first step would be to sit him down and ask him bluntly, why aren't you eating enough? Don't give him any suggestions for answers and see what he comes up with. Whatever he says might shed some light on what the issue is, whether it's a fad, a preference he hasn't voiced, a mental issue, or a physical health issue, and then you can decide on the best next step.

beth464

Will he drink milk? If so, you could try Complan milkshakes. They come in strawberry, chocolate, banana, vanilla or completely plain. They're designed to be like a small meal in terms of calories and they've got vitamins, iron etc in. You could try making a dessert with them or a hot chocolate.
If he will eat cereal that's got to be better than nothing. Even something like coco pops at least has some vitamins and iron in. I'm sure someone has probably mentioned it, but maybe a multivitamin is a good idea.

Wyre

You say he has always been like this so my suggestion is feed him very little but often. Several small 'meals' rather than 3 bigger ones, and maybe taking the pressure off by not eating all of them at the table. He may be one of life's grazers.

I would also suggest a good multi-vitamin and a visit to the doctor's won't hurt. One of my girls had no appetite really but I read that an iron deficiency, even a small one, can actually make you feel less hungry - obviously the less you eat the worse it gets. So I bought a multi-vitamin with minerals and made sure she and her sisters (so she wasn't singled out and given greater pressure) took it. It didn't take long before she was eating more, she is still the fussiest child, in food terms, that I have and eats the least but it is sooo much better. Coincidence possibly but it worked for us.

FBaby

The trouble is OP's son's diet has already had irreversible detrimental effects on his health so this situation is not the same. She has said that his teeth are in a terrible state with lots of fillings.

To be fair, from what OP says her son's diet consists of, something else is going on that he needs so many fillings. Maybe he is stuffing himself with sugary snacks behind her back. That would explain his lack of appetite and the filling issues. If he has a good metabolism and eats little otherwise, he would still gain little weight.

As for the muscle tons, that's only OP deduction. His GP has never been concerned. My boy who eats very well and does a lot of sports also struggles with his fitness when playing football. He is really strong, yet gets out of breath quite easily. So the two are not forcibly related.

As for the lack of vegetables, my husband also would refuse to eat any of them despite his mother insistance. Yet he developped more and more a taste of it as an adult. There are some that would still make him throw up, but he has introduced quite a few of them in his diet now, even avocadoes which he now loves and has 3 or 4 times a week.

NinjaSavingKat

Sorry I haven't time to read everyones post but have you considered the slippery slope of anorexia / bulemia - there is a lot of pressure on boys now to look a certain way and I certainly wouldn't rule this out. Good luck with everything though!

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

To be fair, from what OP says her son's diet consists of, something else is going on that he needs so many fillings. Maybe he is stuffing himself with sugary snacks behind her back. That would explain his lack of appetite and the filling issues. If he has a good metabolism and eats little otherwise, he would still gain little weight.

It may also indicate that he's making himself vomit. Excessive tooth decay is a classic sign of an eating disorder.

FBaby

peachyprice wrote: »

It may also indicate that he's making himself vomit. Excessive tooth decay is a classic sign of an eating disorder.

Indeed, as a matter of a fact, it would be a very good indication if there is no evidence at all of sugary snacking.

kacie

my ex is like this, not so much in the fussiness, but the skinny, small portions way, unless you put a steak in front of him then he'll he the lot! He told me that if he's at someone's house then he'll force himself to eat it all, so as not to appear rude to them, but he felt uncomfortably full afterwards. Maybe that's the only way his stomach would have got use to eating more though if he continued to do that all the time?