Step parent responsibility ?

debbieblueeyes

Hi all havnt been on mse for a while so bear with me please.
I want my husband to have parental responsibility for my son i have the form for step parent responsibility as he is my sons step father. now my question is the father of my son died before we registered the birth so hes not on the birth certificate, would i need the death certificate? also i changed my sons name by depoll do i need to make copies of "change of name deeds" and send it with pr form?
And last but not least does anyone know how much you have to pay for step parent responsibility ?
Thank you in advancexx:)

RAS

I think you need to speak to a lawyer.

I suspect that the only way to acheive this is for your husband to adopt your son, with all that means if your relationship breaks down.

bigmomma051204

I am in the same position and yes, from what I recall - your OH would have to adopt your child. And it used to be, not sure if it has changed now, that YOU have to adopt your own child... which I always found odd and was what put me off! So would be nice to hear if that has changed from someone in the know :cool:

Mojisola

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I am in the same position and yes, from what I recall - your OH would have to adopt your child. And it used to be, not sure if it has changed now, that YOU have to adopt your own child... which I always found odd and was what put me off! So would be nice to hear if that has changed from someone in the know :cool:

That has changed.

bigmomma051204

Mojisola wrote: »

That has changed.

Well thats good!

My other concerns were always that as part of the process the social workers who assess your OH's ability to parent your child would want to A) speak with your child and speak with your ex.

My ex hasn't ever seen or met my son who is 9yrs and was violent towards me when pregnant. He isn't named on birth cert and doesn't even know whether I had a boy or girl. :cool: So would not like to open THAT can of worms!

And I haven't yet told my son that his "Dad" isn't his "dad" if you see what I mean. My Husband has been Dad since son was 2yrs - Yes, I will have that talk with him (I dread it though!) but I don't want to be forced into the subject because of a social worker wanting my son's opinion on something he doesn't know about!

So, those were always MY reservations. :A

Ms_Chocaholic

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Well thats good!

My other concerns were always that as part of the process the social workers who assess your OH's ability to parent your child would want to A) speak with your child and speak with your ex.

My ex hasn't ever seen or met my son who is 9yrs and was violent towards me when pregnant. He isn't named on birth cert and doesn't even know whether I had a boy or girl. :cool: So would not like to open THAT can of worms!

And I haven't yet told my son that his "Dad" isn't his "dad" if you see what I mean. My Husband has been Dad since son was 2yrs - Yes, I will have that talk with him (I dread it though!) but I don't want to be forced into the subject because of a social worker wanting my son's opinion on something he doesn't know about!

So, those were always MY reservations. :A

Your son would have to know that his "dad" isn't his birth dad before Social Services would consider doing any form of assessment that may or may not lead to an adoption order being granted by the Court.

Birth father's consent can be dispensed with in certain circumstances but each case is looked at on it's own merit so I'm unsure whether attempts would be made to contact his birth father or not.

Ms_Chocaholic

to the OP - your husband can apply to the Court for Parental Responsibility, it costs £215 to lodge an application to the Court, there's more information here

https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/apply-for-parental-responsibility

minimoneysaver

I was about to say the same Ms Choc. There is NO need to go through the adoption process.

I do however feel he really needs to know that his 'dad' isn't his blood relative. He has a right and I think you should have probably done it about 5 years ago. I hope you have an understanding son. It is likely you will need to build up trust with your son again.

bigmomma051204

minimoneysaver wrote: »

I was about to say the same Ms Choc. There is NO need to go through the adoption process.

I do however feel he really needs to know that his 'dad' isn't his blood relative. He has a right and I think you should have probably done it about 5 years ago. I hope you have an understanding son. It is likely you will need to build up trust with your son again.

So I should have told him when he was 4yrs old, just before he started school? Two months after we had just moved house from the home he always known? And when the man he thinks of as his Dad had just had a serious car crash which resulted in him being in a coma and then having to learn to walk again? Sometimes life isn't just normal, plain sailing - sometimes the "right time" doesn't appear easily.

No, I know you didn't know about all of that. Thats probaby why you shouldn't make harsh, quick judgements about people - assuming that everyone's situation is the same isn't always a good plan, is it :cool:

minimoneysaver

To be honest, I think you have completely twisted what I was saying. The point I was making is, he has be living a lie. Dad isn't dad and another man is his biological dad. Of course there are going to be questions, but you know that already. You can't turn back time, but hopefully you can move forward and lay it all out on a plate and then he will have to learn to trust you again.

bigmomma051204

minimoneysaver wrote: »

To be honest, I think you have completely twisted what I was saying. The point I was making is, he has be living a lie. Dad isn't dad and another man is his biological dad. Of course there are going to be questions, but you know that already. You can't turn back time, but hopefully you can move forward and lay it all out on a plate and then he will have to learn to trust you again.

I don't believe I have twisted anything. You laid it out pretty basically really... I should have told him years ago (Which I didn't because of the reasons which I outlined above) And because I haven't, he will stand in judgement of me, hopefully be "understanding" and then have to learn to trust me again..

Perhaps its less me twisting what you say, and a bit more of you being a smidge blunt which comes across as Holier than Thou Some people just find it hard to be tactful, thats life. Don't worry, I'm not xx