Elite christmas special

kadison

EMMAP wrote: »

Believe me when I say I know where you're coming from. After years of close friendship with a girl, I slowly began to get left out of invites to parties, sleepovers and such. One year she didn't get me a birthday present or come to my party (this makes it sound like we were children but this was only a few years ago) and never apologised the next time she saw me or ever gave me a gift. In fact she didn't even send me a card. I called her on it as we were best friends. Or supposed to be. We spoke on the phone and she was really cold and said our friendship had never been the same after I'd lied to her.

Basically she dumped her ex very callously, I was embarrassed by her behaviour as it was really childish (amongst other things we had a birthday party for her and she sat next to him in silence, ignoring him) and I felt bad for him. It was just so cruel. She totally ignored him after that and never answered a single message or text. He then came on to me in Edinburgh about 5 months later. I was flattered and we did flirt but told him nothing would ever happen as friendships always come first. Then my friend asked if there was anything going on between us and I said no, because in my mind, there wasn't. And me telling her he was coming on to me wasn't going to help her in any way. She found out I'd 'lied' and the rest is history.

I was in floods after the phone call. I begged her (and I'm ashamed but she was one of my best friends) to tell me what I could do to make things right. She said nothing. And slowly but surely we saw each other less and less. I'd still send her best wishes and so on but this year she deleted me from FB. Some of you might remember the wedding I was bridesmaid at? It was this girls mother who made the nasty comment about me in the wedding photo.

So what I'm trying to say kadi is, sometimes you don't realise that people leave your life for a reason. Usually because they're going to be replaced by someone better and kinder. Even though it might not seem like it at the time. My former friend is still spoilt and childish and I'm far enough removed to see it now. Fortunately I'm out of that environment because it was starting to make me act in similar ways. And I have much better friends

Edit: I realise your situation is a bit different and hope you get a better answer than I did!

Thank you hun, and I'm so sorry to hear what happened with your friend, I've had things like that happen (being cut out of someone's life and begging to be let back in), but over time I too have seen it was for the best.

I really hope it isn't the case with this friend, I don't see how it could be and I would be gutted if she cut me out, it would go against her personality completely.

Basically she's the solid, reliable, calm and unflappable one and I'm the neurotic, depressive, paranoid one. I try so hard to look at things from a 'real' perspective but sometimes I can't find any argument against what I originally felt and just hope I'm wrong.

I sound completely loopy!

TrulyMadly

kadison wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

OK, I have something to air.....

Whilst I understand this pales into insignificance in relation to problems others are having, I've plucked up the courage to message a friend of mine about something.

I am hugely scared of confrontation (with people that matter to me, I have no problem doing it with SAs for example ) but we've been friends for 12 years, I've known her kids since they were born (the first one 10.5 years ago) but I've not seen them since Feb last year, she only lives down the road (well a few miles away) and transport isn't an issue, yet every school holiday she's posted about meeting up with friends, all over facebook, having a whale of a time, and I've been sitting wondering when I'm going to get a look-in. I've even now hidden her from my news feed as I feel so upset over it.

She promised me we'd meet during this holiday but she hasn't even acknowledged that we were meant to, let alone apologised for not meeting up. The hols are over in 5 days and there's no chance now, she always plans 2 weeks in advance.

I know she's busy and I realise sometimes that friends with kids want to meet up without their kids, but we've done that twice, I want to see her AND the kids, am I being unreasonable?

I'm beginning to think there's something she's not telling me, so I've messaged her, nicely but straight to the point, asking if there's an issue, and now I'm bricking it. I was in tears about it earlier and have been several times in the last couple of months.

Thanks for listening

Can't friendships be tricky. She obviously means a lot to you and you are hurting. But is her life really that great. It's like those round robin letters you get at Christmas telling you how wonderful their life is compared to yours. If that's the case, do people really need to shout about it? Inner contentment speaks volumes:)

I wonder if you have both moved on in different directions over the years. Do you have another friend who is more deserving of your friendship? Someone who can nurture all that love you have to offer.
I'm not saying it's time to move on but perhaps time to reassess the people in your life.

Sending her a message is the right thing to do....keeping the lines of communication open .......but you shouldn't upset yourself if she reacts. It's YOUR life, a New Year and maybe time to take stock:)

streetlights

Kadison I am sorry you have been so upset, it's sometimes better to clear the air by an honest conversation, at least you both know were you stand. It can be distressing when relationships change, but dwelling on it on your own will only lead to more upset. I hope the message you sent gets a quick response and you can get back on track.

fairclaire

kadison wrote: »

Thankfully she's a rather 'straight forward' person so I think she'd say if there was anything, once prompted anyway, she won't leave me hanging whatever her reply.

I understand, but life has never 'taken over' for 10 whole months before, 4-5 at most, which is what makes me think something must be wrong

Well do let us know what she says. It really is nice to have you back......where on earth have you been anyway :eek:

auto.armadillo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmwRQqJsegw

A fave track of mine to end the night with

Thanks for the company elite:beer:

Goodnight x

fairclaire

TrulyMadly wrote: »

Can't friendships be tricky. She obviously means a lot to you and you are hurting. But is her life really that great. It's like those round robin letters you get at Christmas telling you how wonderful their life is compared to yours. If that's the case, do people really need to shout about it? Inner contentment speaks volumes:)

I wonder if you have both moved on in different directions over the years. Do you have another friend who is more deserving of your friendship? Someone who can nurture all that love you have to offer.
I'm not saying it's time to move on but perhaps time to reassess the people in your life.

Sending her a message is the right thing to do....keeping the lines of communication open .......but you shouldn't upset yourself if she reacts. It's YOUR life, a New Year and maybe time to take stock:)

I think this thread is wonderful. EMMAP and Kadison.....friends of the future you saw it here first

silvercar

scamps1966 wrote: »

Hi V, thankyou for the advice. House is a council property, joint tenents. They won't let me stay in it on my own as it's a 3 bed unless if I asked one of my kids to move in with their family. All the council will do is give me a 1 bed flat in god knows where!!

Only a small pension so I don't think she'll be worried about that!
As for the savings account, It's mostly mine from selling stuff from glitches, so I've worked hard in getting it!! I'm hoping it's a knee jerk reaction on her part, will see sense and sort it out. Just waiting for the 'games' to begin. :cool:

I wouldn't assume that the council would evict you. Council properties usually come with virtually life long tenancies and if she is being housed privately, chances are good for you retaining the tenancy.

I don't want to pry into your circumstances, but the big difference I can see is that you may be expected to pay some of the rent if you are now deemed to be living in a house too big for your needs. This would be if you were claiming housing benefit obviously. The other thing would be the single person discount on council tax and of course the whole question of whether you can afford the utility bills on the house on your own.

Council house tenancies are like gold dust, don't give it up if you can avoid.

streetlights

auto.armadillo wrote: »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmwRQqJsegw

A fave track of mine to end the night with

Thanks for the company elite:beer:

Goodnight x

Good tune sis, goodnight.

EMMAP

kadison wrote: »

Thank you hun, and I'm so sorry to hear what happened with your friend, I've had things like that happen (being cut out of someone's life and begging to be let back in), but over time I too have seen it was for the best.

I really hope it isn't the case with this friend, I don't see how it could be and I would be gutted if she cut me out, it would go against her personality completely.

Basically she's the solid, reliable, calm and unflappable one and I'm the neurotic, depressive, paranoid one. I try so hard to look at things from a 'real' perspective but sometimes I can't find any argument against what I originally felt and just hope I'm wrong.

I sound completely loopy!

Yeah I realised about half way through my reply I was just going off on one about friendship!

It is good to clear the air though. Sometimes you think you already know the answer but can be surprised Hope all turns out well.

fairclaire

silvercar wrote: »

I wouldn't assume that the council would evict you. Council properties usually come with virtually life long tenancies and if she is being housed privately, chances are good for you retaining the tenancy.

I don't want to pry into your circumstances, but the big difference I can see is that you may be expected to pay some of the rent if you are now deemed to be living in a house too big for your needs. This would be if you were claiming housing benefit obviously. The other thing would be the single person discount on council tax and of course the whole question of whether you can afford the utility bills on the house on your own.

Council house tenancies are like gold dust, don't give it up if you can avoid.

I don't like to volunteer folk for things normally. But the go to guy for this type of advice on the thread is mimi. He's well qualified and knows his stuff on civil housing issues. He's also a lovely man