At what point do you give up trying with family?

OrkneyStar

krustylouise wrote: »

Hi OS,

Thank you for your reply. My sister admitted today that she had written out the card but just "hasn't posted it so I won't receive it now" so to me that's a couldn't be bothered.

I have no time to join any clubs as I work full time, DD's dad isn't involved a great deal. I do have a partner, we recently got engaged but again aside from this I don't have much of a family/friends support network.

I am looking to reduce the number of days I work as of next year because I just cannot cope any longer working crazy hours, looking after DD alone and keeping a house. I know others may be able to, however as difficult as it is I have to admit I cannot do it all on my own. So possibly volunteering at DD's school may be an option next year.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas and a happy new year

Your sister doesn't sound very considerate or bothered, that's horrible, remember though that it is her who is choosing this (and if she does have some problem with you, then it is up to her to talk about it with you, not you to read her mind).
Congratulations on your engagement too, at least you have support in the way of a partner, even if DD's dad is not on the scene so much.
Of course if you are busy with work and so on it is hard to make time for clubs and so on, it was just a thought for you to meet some other adults and have a little chill out time. I hope you are able to sort something out, regarding work hours, I am sure you are not alone with finding it all more than you can take some times!
All the best.

1886

I think it's disgusting to not send somebody a thank you card when they've gone to the effort of sending you a present. If it's a young child, I would expect the parent to send the thank you card on the child's behalf, the kid could just sign it etc.

I was at my Mum's last night. She mentioned that one of her nieces never sends a thank you card after my Mum has sent her a birthday and christmas present. I'm talking about a girl here who's in her late twenties!

This year my Mum has decided to just send her a card. The last two years I've sent one of my cousins and his family a christmas card and they have'nt sent one back, did I send one this year? No.

I'm a firm believer that you can only try so much with people and if they don't make the effort too then it's time to move on

krustylouise

Hi adrenalina - my sister doesn't work, 2 of her kids are 15+ and the other 2 are 8+ and so all in school so posting a card wouldn't be such an effort would it?

I have tried numerous times to talk to my brother, he said he will make more of an effort, then asks when I will go round (140mile round trip for me!) and then when I arrange it he tells me lat minute he's working! My sister is volatile, if I speak to her she blows up and blames me for not making an effort when my parents moved me away (I was 6!)

I bought the kids 3 presents each because they were only small tokens eh a book, a t shirt and some chocolate.

Own_My_Own

I bought my sisters 4 children presents again this year. But it will be the last lot. I don't know them, don't know their likes or what they already have. I have never even seen the youngest 2. It will the last tie broken but I can't do it anymore.
I don't speak to my mother at all ( drink problem), and rarely see me Dad. He is coming over on Sunday to collect their presents but I'm not looking forward to seeing him.


As I have said on here before, my family live in my home. As do yours.

krustylouise

Hi OMO,

My life is very similar to yours. My mum was an alcoholic, hence why she passed away at the age of 49. I don't see/hear much of my dad. My sisters and brother don't make an effort.

I shall have that opinion now that my family live in my home.

Thank you for your comment and I hope you have a nice Christmas and new year x

red_devil

DKLS wrote: »

Last time I saw the majority of my family was at a funeral 12 years ago and my parting words before the alcohol started to take effect was "see you at the next funeral"


Relationships with family and friends are a two way street where all parties need to make an effort, if one party doesn't make an effort sod em.


Send a card if you wish to keep the comms channels open, personally I would choose the really cheap cards, where the

card is so thin the card wont stand up on its own, that's an

effective way of showing how much you care.

but if your heart isnt in it, why bother sending. Also its not just about cards its about putting it in all year round.

LEJC

red_devil wrote: »

but if your heart isnt in it, why bother sending. Also its not just about cards its about putting it in all year round.

I agree its about trying but sometimes a card is all you can send without appearing too pushy...


This thread for me seems to overlap with your thread about seeing family at christmas where I posted a response about life events making families more distant.


In our case when we experienced the death of my brother his family shrank into themselves so to speak...they accept tokens from us but dont seem to want to join in...we want them to feel part of the family and would love them to join us for gatherings etc...however there is a point where we dont extend quite so many invites as we used to as it seems there is always an excuse for them not to attend.....my sister and I do feel quite strongly about keeping in touch with our SIL and neices and nephews and it seems that for the moment at leat this is done via christmas and birthday cards only at present....
Theres been no falling out....just a shift in the dynamics I think...maybe one day it will sort itself and things will be less raw but until then contact is sporadic but at least its there....
If you maintain some contact even if only minimal then at least it shows that you bear no grudges

harrys_nan

I dont have any contact with 2 half sister's and very limited contact with 1 other. 1 lives in Canada and is my sister from my dads 2nd marriage, she just doesn't want to know me, the other 1, I dont see is my sister from my mum's 2nd marriage and with her, well the only thing i will say is, we just dont have the same outlook on life and respect of other ppl. The 3rd one is an alcoholic and will not help herself at all, she mixes with ppl that drag her down.
So I have cut contact with all of them because I dont want the hassle or the rows anymore.
My english sister's are the ones who decided we are half sister's, I only ever referred to them as sister's. To me that speaks volumes

I do wish I had more friends though.