Not having an engagement ring

Fuzzy_Duck

clarethere wrote: »

Wow, I was assuming it was a recent thing but to still be getting comments months later is awful! I'm not a confrontational person at all but in your shoes I wouldn't be able to resist pulling them up on it and saying something like "Are you STILL bothered about that? Wow, get a hobby!"

Haha, yeah it's pretty sad isn't it? I can't mention anything wedding-related without being told there's not going to be a wedding because I didn't have a proper proposal. I've been ignoring it but clearly that's not working!

To be honest I can deal with our less than enthusiastic parents- it's a bit disheartening but at least it's better than them taking over like a lot of parents do- but comments like that from our supposed friends are just so rude and totally wrong I'm generally too gob-smacked to reply.

clarethere

That's very sad then, that they can't be happy for you instead of concentrating on the details, sorry. (know what that's like, my parents phoned up the day after and asked if we were still engaged!) You could talk to them about how it's making you feel or if not I love the stock response I've picked up from another forum - just say "Did you mean to be so rude?", works for every scenario!

Mojisola

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

I didn't have a traditional proposal. It was more a mutual agreement. We were both fine with that- it seemed a far more natural way of going about it.

We were the same - no fancy proposal, no ring.

I don't like rings - I only wore my wedding ring on the day, it's been back in its box since then.

If you're going to do things even slightly different from the "norm", you have to be prepared to stand your ground. Don't get forced into fitting into other people's way of thinking.

moments_of_sanity

Firstly congratulations.

Family and friends can be funny creatures over these sorts of things can't they!

I have an engagement ring but my wedding ring is one that my great aunt owned, it then passed to my Mum and when she died 10 years ago I inherited it. When I got remarried in 2010 I decided I wanted to use great aunt Violet and my Mum's ring, I thought what better way to remember them and always have 'part' of them with me........family didn't think it was anywhere near as sentimental as I did, they said it would have been nice to have a new one yada, yada, yada.

My wedding ring has very little monetary value but so much more sentimental value that I wouldn't trade it for the world despite family and friends negative comments.

You will be the one wearing the ring and as long as you are happy with what you have decided, go for it. Please don't let them talk you out of something that has meaning to you and your Fiance!.

Best wishes for the future x

balletshoes

we were the same OP - we decided to get married by mutual agreement, there was no "proposal" as such, and I didn't want an engagement ring. So I don't have one, even now, 12 years after deciding we'd get married, and 10 years after being married. I'm not keen on rings, I have a wedding ring which I do wear most of the time, but its just a plain wide gold band.

As it does now matter to you (because of what others are saying to you) that you have an engagement ring, then I think your OH is right, sorry. He wants you to have a proper "I saved up for months to buy this bit of bling" engagement ring, so let him do that. In the meantime, you tell your disapproving family and friends (as you care what they say) thats what he's doing, saving up to buy you a nice ring. If you got your way and bought a cheap ring, your parents would have something to say about that, too.

Whatever you do regarding your life, your engagement, your wedding, any children etc etc etc you'll have people who will have something to say about it. Maybe you need to learn to not take these things to heart so much?

Fuzzy_Duck

balletshoes wrote: »

we were the same OP - we decided to get married by mutual agreement, there was no "proposal" as such, and I didn't want an engagement ring. So I don't have one, even now, 12 years after deciding we'd get married, and 10 years after being married. I'm not keen on rings, I have a wedding ring which I do wear most of the time, but its just a plain wide gold band.

As it does now matter to you (because of what others are saying to you) that you have an engagement ring, then I think your OH is right, sorry. He wants you to have a proper "I saved up for months to buy this bit of bling" engagement ring, so let him do that. In the meantime, you tell your disapproving family and friends (as you care what they say) thats what he's doing, saving up to buy you a nice ring. If you got your way and bought a cheap ring, your parents would have something to say about that, too.

Whatever you do regarding your life, your engagement, your wedding, any children etc etc etc you'll have people who will have something to say about it. Maybe you need to learn to not take these things to heart so much?

You are totally right- I should have just said at the time that I couldn't care less what they thought, and instead I took my frustration out on my partner and tried to dictate what kind of ring I got. I still don't even want one. My inherited ring is not my style, but then no typical engagement ring would be. I do appreciate the sentimental value however. I think I will suggest that we save our money and put it towards a decent set of wedding rings as we would both like a matching custom made pair.

Neither of us is conventional regarding our wedding plans so there almost certainly will be more criticism to come. I am definitely going to take your advice and toughen up over this (I expect easier said than done though), as it's already becoming one huge stress when it should be an exciting time.

flea72

I didnt have a proposal and engagement ring either, we just decided to get married. However we prob avoided all the 'wheres the ring' comments because we didnt have an engagement. We just announced the wedding, so people were more focused on that, rather than the ooh look at the ring and whens the date, etc.

Do you already wear the ring that you intend to use, or have you been saving it for such an occasion?

floss2

OP, just tell everyone that you are doing a "Kate" by wearing an inherited ring

Oh, and don't forget that a ring is generally safer on your finger than in a box in your knicker (or any other) drawer, and if it has sentimental value I'm sure you would get great pleasure from seeing it on your hand every day.

Fuzzy_Duck

flea72 wrote: »

I didnt have a proposal and engagement ring either, we just decided to get married. However we prob avoided all the 'wheres the ring' comments because we didnt have an engagement. We just announced the wedding, so people were more focused on that, rather than the ooh look at the ring and whens the date, etc.

Do you already wear the ring that you intend to use, or have you been saving it for such an occasion?

I already had the ring and had wore it a few times on my right hand. Just seemed a nice excuse to wear it permanently really- it's my grandmother's ring and I like being reminded of her whilst I'm wearing it.

Good point floss2, I'd totally forgotten Kate has an inherited ring! If it's good enough for the Royals...

tatabubbly

Hey congrats on your engagement!

I think it doesn't matter how much money you spend on a ring or if you choose to have one. Its the sentiment and the decision that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together!

I tried to explain this to my OH, that he could of got my ring in Argos, couldn't of cared as it was more about marrying him.. But he wanted to get me one so he did. Its a nice heirloom to have now, one I hope to pass on to my children if I have any..