Life coach, therapy or just a boot up the jacksee?

Pthree

I have more than one area of my life at the moment where I just cant seem to sort myself out.

I don't have that many friends to sound off to, and feel like I am starting to bore the ones I do have with the same issues over and over again.

I just feel like my life is stagnant and I have no idea how to move on (or the courage to do so).

Half of me thinks all I need a is a boot up the ar8e and for someone to point me in the right direction, but I am guessing neither option would actually do this and it would be more of a 'tell me how you think you should move forward'.

None of my problems are major (to anyone else) it just seems to be a build up of solving one would solve the other and thereafter a bit of a domino effect.

I need to take action but am terrified of screwing up and at the moment seem to be just going around and around in circles and not actually doing anything.

Thanks in advance
P3

Brallaqueen

The problem with people giving you a boot up the !!!! is that it is only temprorary because it comes from an outside source and is imposed upon you. One day the booting stops, people have other things to worry about, or they get sick of trying to help you and you are back to square one.

Change is one of those things that has to come from you. Other people can't change you and it is unfair and really a bit of a manipulative cop out of you to ask them to try - if they fail you can blame them for not being there, for not giving enough support, for not helping you as you so oblivious need to be helped, but really that's a mask for not having the strength to change yourself.

flossy_splodge

Pthree wrote: »

I have more than one area of my life at the moment where I just cant seem to sort myself out.

I don't have that many friends to sound off to, and feel like I am starting to bore the ones I do have with the same issues over and over again.

I just feel like my life is stagnant and I have no idea how to move on (or the courage to do so).

Half of me thinks all I need a is a boot up the ar8e and for someone to point me in the right direction, but I am guessing neither option would actually do this and it would be more of a 'tell me how you think you should move forward'.

None of my problems are major (to anyone else) it just seems to be a build up of solving one would solve the other and thereafter a bit of a domino effect.

I need to take action but am terrified of screwing up and at the moment seem to be just going around and around in circles and not actually doing anything.

Thanks in advance
P3

Ever thought of trying either/both?
As I'm sure you know, coaching 'tends' to look forward and counselling 'tends' to look back to establish what has put you where you are.
Not a hard and fast rule obviously but the golden rule is if you try either and the person you talk to does not 'gel' with you, move on.
Both these activities need a degree of trust for them to work and not all of us respond in the same way to the same people.
Good luck.

Kynthia

Is it that you need a sounding board, someone to actively listen to you and allow you to see the big picture and come up with your own solutions rather than interjecting with their own experiences or suggestions of what you should do? Does your work offer a mentoring service or a Freephone listening/counselling service? Maybe google free counselling services in your area, or horsesmouth.co.uk seems to do some sort of mentoring on different issues.

skattykatty

Counselling does not necessarily look back. If you know, and it sounds like you do, what the difficulties are at the moment then you could try googling counselling services in your area, some provide low cost service, and see who offers short term work (maybe 6 sessions) and take it from there. Maybe even taking a step to contact someone may be enough of a boost that you may not even see anybody about it! Motivation follows action 'they' say (this is true for me at least!)

belfastgirl23

I have been trying to work on good habits and on making one small change since I also tend towards overwhelm when I think of all the things I want to improve on. At the minute the one small change is giving up drinking. Even though I know that I need to make a lot of changes to my diet, starting somewhere is really helping me. Could you identify one small change you could make?

Journaling also helps!

As an aside thigh I think you are a lot more likely to benefit from life coaching (esp if it's based on cognitive behaviour therapy) than counselling! Why not treat yourself to just one session and see. Small steps again...

Pthree

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I am struggling with even the smallest changes at the moment.

In no particluar order:

1) I need to stop smoking (gum disease, so my teeth will drop out if I dont)
2) Lose weight
3) Build up confidence back up
4) Stop drowning my sorrows and feeling sorry for myself
5) Get out more, even if it's just for a walk. I went home on Friday and didn't leave my flat, or speak to anyone apart from a few phone calls to my Mum.
6) Sort my career out I am at a stand still at the moment, I really want to relocate closer to my family, but am to insecure to apply for jobs, rejection terrifies me at the moment a few years back I wouldn't have given a toss.

I realise that losing weight would probably help with the confidence thing, but I have always been big and never used to be a problem.

There was no big trigger for this, I just seem to have lost a little bit more of myself everyday and I need to stop it.

egoode

Pthree wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I am struggling with even the smallest changes at the moment.

In no particluar order:

1) I need to stop smoking (gum disease, so my teeth will drop out if I dont)
2) Lose weight
3) Build up confidence back up
4) Stop drowning my sorrows and feeling sorry for myself
5) Get out more, even if it's just for a walk. I went home on Friday and didn't leave my flat, or speak to anyone apart from a few phone calls to my Mum.
6) Sort my career out I am at a stand still at the moment, I really want to relocate closer to my family, but am to insecure to apply for jobs, rejection terrifies me at the moment a few years back I wouldn't have given a toss.

I realise that losing weight would probably help with the confidence thing, but I have always been big and never used to be a problem.

There was no big trigger for this, I just seem to have lost a little bit more of myself everyday and I need to stop it.

I personally think you need to work on having confidence in yourself before working on any of the other items, as having confidence will help you with all the other items. There's clearly something that's happened in the last few years to make you lose confidence in yourself so maybe counselling will help you with that.

belfastgirl23

I would say your no. 1 change is to take a walk every day. Set a target that seems really achieveable to you, either in terms of time or distance - 15 mins or around the block or whatever. This will help with losing weight, clearing your head and getting out of the house. And exercise is a cornerstone habit that helps build other good habits. Make this your one good change that you start right now. Have a routine of when you do it, whether it's before breakfast or after tea.

The other great benefit of it is that walking gives you thinking time, time to reinforce the changes you're making. Getting out is also good for you, a day when you don't get out at all is just bad. And making this small change will give you confidence that you can make changes.

Think it out. Make lists (I have a sense you like lists from your excellent list above I'm a list maker myself by nature). Why do you want to make this one small change? What will your sabotaging thoughts be and how will you respond to them? This is important because it means when you hit a sabotaging thought you recognise it for what it is.

Sorry I'm being bossy but I do think this is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

maman

Pthree wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I am struggling with even the smallest changes at the moment.

In no particluar order:

1) I need to stop smoking (gum disease, so my teeth will drop out if I dont)
2) Lose weight
3) Build up confidence back up
4) Stop drowning my sorrows and feeling sorry for myself
5) Get out more, even if it's just for a walk. I went home on Friday and didn't leave my flat, or speak to anyone apart from a few phone calls to my Mum.
6) Sort my career out I am at a stand still at the moment, I really want to relocate closer to my family, but am to insecure to apply for jobs, rejection terrifies me at the moment a few years back I wouldn't have given a toss.

I realise that losing weight would probably help with the confidence thing, but I have always been big and never used to be a problem.

There was no big trigger for this, I just seem to have lost a little bit more of myself everyday and I need to stop it.

There are two excellent threads on here that have helped me.

This one's a Slimming World thread where we all help each other stick to the plan. I can thoroughly recommend SW as a way to lose weight. In January there are invariably vouchers in magazines so that you can join for free. It's best if you go to a club as well but not essential. If you can afford it (£5 a week) it would help you get out and meet a few people too.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4666031


Then this thread is for cutting down/giving up alcohol. It's very supportive with loads of advice and tips. Most of us have a target for how many days each month we want to be alcohol free.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4409761

Try lurking and see what you think.:)

dancingfairy

I think the dark nights don't help with the mood and all the thoughts of New Year and wanting it all to be amazing etc etc.
A few thoughts in no particular order:
1) how about a holiday or change of scene? It doesn't have to be anywhere fancy, sometimes just a break from the norm will give you a different perspective. maybe even a few days at your mums?
2) how about volunteering one day/evening a week? If you like animals you could volunteer to walk dogs or something? Anything that will get you out and about meeting people and thinking about something other than yourself is good.
3) How about taking up a hobby. Maybe a dance or exercise class? You'd get to meet new people and get fit and have fun at the same time.
I'd try one thing. Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed by it all right now and just need to try one?
Best of Luck
df