Mother in law problems

Trixsie1989

The main problem I have at the moment is that we live with her but in a few weeks we move out so I can say whatever I want and not have any repercussions lol i just can't believe that anyone could be so mean about what's supposed to be the happiest day of our lives you no? I would never dream of !!!!!!!! all over someone's ideas and plans, if that's what they want and like then that's upto them. The same obviously doesn't apply to mil2b I just hope I won't be the same when we do eventually have kids that are getting married xxx

DigForVictory

Can you imply that you are incapable of making a decision without H2B? That way he gets to share the earbashing.

I'm very sorry you haven't your mum to tell this lady exactly where she gets off - but this is where aunts, godmothers & old friends with enough chutzpah come into their own. Pick a candidate who is right up to the weight, check they've read up on Wodehouse Aunts (for technique) & then appoint them as Stunt-Mother Of The Bride... Dealing with MiL becomes a great deal more Stunt-Mother's problem & you can work on your own DiL/MiL relationship as something Quite Different.

As for the "no kids until" - unless she's paying off H2B's illicit past, she has exactly No Say In This & even then, (a) you should know about it already, (b) what she spends her money on is her business, but you are getting married on Your Terms, not hers & finally (c) unless she's in your bed (or worse, head), how's she going to stop you?!

How old is she? Any heart/lung/kidney disease in the family? Roughly how many years of her are you marrying into?

74jax

I don't know what it is with weddings, everyone has an opinion and gives you it. They wouldn't for any other occasion.

Also people start to forget how to do things..... How do I get to the venue? Can you book me a room at the hotel? No i bl@@dy can't. Load up Google and do it exactly the same way as you do normally.......

benjismum

Poor you, living with her! I've had a terrible experience with my MIL.

From the minute we got engaged, she insisted that my Brother in Law should be best man and all the family would be invited, followed by a big party. We told her no. At the time, we were both crippled with nerves, both had unfortunate pasts and wanted a very small, registry office service with only the witnesses. She went up the wall, told my husband he was making a mistake marrying me, we were selfish, nobody cared about her feelings, etc.

I got loads of awful emails from her, calling me alsorts of names. Me being terrified of confrontation, didn't know what to do. In the end, I told her on the phone exactly what I thought of her and three years on I still haven't spoken to her! She honestly is the most horrible person I have ever met. Thank god we moved house, as she was just down the road from us and I was scared to go out the front door in case she was around. She still tells my husband she doesn't understand why I won't speak to her, we know she calls me to everyone who will listen, because they tell us!

We got the wedding we wanted, just us, BIL, my sister and my niece tagged along Lunch at my parents house and then off on honeymoon. We've also been called selfish for not wanting to have children, but that's another story

Please don't let your MIL rule your life, it's YOUR life, YOUR wedding, YOUR decisions. If she wants to invite her friends, tell her she can make a list of 10 (or whatever) and stick to it. Start as you mean to go on

Valli

DigForVictory wrote: »

How old is she? Any heart/lung/kidney disease in the family? Roughly how many years of her are you marrying into?

sorry but:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Trixsie1989

DigForVictory wrote: »

Can you imply that you are incapable of making a decision without H2B? That way he gets to share the earbashing.

I'm very sorry you haven't your mum to tell this lady exactly where she gets off - but this is where aunts, godmothers & old friends with enough chutzpah come into their own. Pick a candidate who is right up to the weight, check they've read up on Wodehouse Aunts (for technique) & then appoint them as Stunt-Mother Of The Bride... Dealing with MiL becomes a great deal more Stunt-Mother's problem & you can work on your own DiL/MiL relationship as something Quite Different.

As for the "no kids until" - unless she's paying off H2B's illicit past, she has exactly No Say In This & even then, (a) you should know about it already, (b) what she spends her money on is her business, but you are getting married on Your Terms, not hers & finally (c) unless she's in your bed (or worse, head), how's she going to stop you?!

How old is she? Any heart/lung/kidney disease in the family? Roughly how many years of her are you marrying into?

My head bridesmaid has kindly offered to step in but she's not gonna start dealing with it till after we've moved coz the last thing I need is more tension in the house. With implying that I can't make a decision, I can't do that she already knows how head strong I am and I always do what I want so I'm a bit stuck there.oh just tends to try n keep the peace atm purely not to cause arguments but we have managed to get some alone time to work out what we want and are sticking to it so far. I'm sure she just thinks I like telling her no all the time and causing arguments.

That was my thought exactly, i actually felt quite guilty for even thinking about when we were gonna have kids after her comments and then felt stupid for feeling guilty. It's our lives and we've been together almost 10 years as it is so I don't feel that having kids shortly after the wedding would be rushing it. We are only 25 but she was younger than us when she had oh! And as I'm sure you can guess she is quite young so a good few years left in her yet lol xxx

Trixsie1989

74jax wrote: »

I don't know what it is with weddings, everyone has an opinion and gives you it. They wouldn't for any other occasion.

Also people start to forget how to do things..... How do I get to the venue? Can you book me a room at the hotel? No i bl@@dy can't. Load up Google and do it exactly the same way as you do normally.......

Yeah I've already had a friend ask if we can book their rooms and I've said no coz well end up paying for them! Not like we're not providing enough already with 2 meals, 3 drinks and entertainment is it! Xxx

Trixsie1989

benjismum wrote: »

Poor you, living with her! I've had a terrible experience with my MIL.

From the minute we got engaged, she insisted that my Brother in Law should be best man and all the family would be invited, followed by a big party. We told her no. At the time, we were both crippled with nerves, both had unfortunate pasts and wanted a very small, registry office service with only the witnesses. She went up the wall, told my husband he was making a mistake marrying me, we were selfish, nobody cared about her feelings, etc.

I got loads of awful emails from her, calling me alsorts of names. Me being terrified of confrontation, didn't know what to do. In the end, I told her on the phone exactly what I thought of her and three years on I still haven't spoken to her! She honestly is the most horrible person I have ever met. Thank god we moved house, as she was just down the road from us and I was scared to go out the front door in case she was around. She still tells my husband she doesn't understand why I won't speak to her, we know she calls me to everyone who will listen, because they tell us!

We got the wedding we wanted, just us, BIL, my sister and my niece tagged along Lunch at my parents house and then off on honeymoon. We've also been called selfish for not wanting to have children, but that's another story

Please don't let your MIL rule your life, it's YOUR life, YOUR wedding, YOUR decisions. If she wants to invite her friends, tell her she can make a list of 10 (or whatever) and stick to it. Start as you mean to go on

I think the main sticking point with us is that she had to get married coz she was 6 months pregnant and didn't get the wedding she wanted so is now trying to do that with ours but I'm sure every woman knows what her wedding day is gonna be like? And I will not lose what I want for what someone else wants. Or at least im trying not to! I don't want to fall out with her but it is fast becoming a dreaded subject in our house to the point where it upsets me thinking about it. She has today offered to buy our cake toppers tho ( at almost 100 I wasn't willing to pay it) and is now trying to arrange an engagement party for us so she is trying to do nice things and not just cause arguments.
Fortunately she doesn't have a lot of friends so we can keep the numbers at a maximum of 45 (15 more than originally so we've had to completely rethink the venue over recent weeks) but today oh has brought up her wanting to bring a date to the wedding and she said who says I want to bring a date so now I look like a liar! Now she can sod off with one completely! Lol xxx

floss2

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Thanks guys, I was starting to think that it was just me having stupid issues like this. Sazzarella I no what you mean about the children thing, but that's the way she feels. Worst thing is she says it when oh isn't around so I'm sure he thinks I'm over reacting a lot. We are doing our sweetie table ourselves and when she found that out she was pushing me to find a company to use to do it instead so I've put my foot down with that knowing we can save a lot of money doing it ourselves and will get to keep the sweets after and have it out all night rather than just for 3 hours. I keep hearing a lot of, you need to go and look at the more expensive venues when we've already picked and booked and paid the deposit for the one we love! And I would love for it to just go over my head but it just feels a lot of the time I'm being told that my ideas are stupid and with my own mum not being around it's making it loads worse. Xx

If she starts all that again, just say, "If you want us to be married there, then we'll go and have a look but of course you know that you'll have to pay for it all as we'll lose all of our deposits for the venue we chose and booked..."

benjismum wrote: »

...Please don't let your MIL rule your life, it's YOUR life, YOUR wedding, YOUR decisions. If she wants to invite her friends, tell her she can make a list of 10 (or whatever) and stick to it. Start as you mean to go on

Good advice - hard to do, but good!

OP, wait until you move, then as others have said, your stock answer is to be: "Oh that's a good idea, I will talk to OH & see what he thinks as its his wedding too so I can't possibly make a decision without him knowing about it. Perhaps you'd like to ask him yourself?"

moments_of_sanity

Not a problem with my MIL as she was terminally ill when we got married and we brought the wedding forward so we could attend but my stepdad on the other hand......

He refused to attend the wedding along with my Brother if my biological Dad was invited and attending, so I told him in no uncertain terms that I was not about to 'choose' between them, no one was being favoured over the other and I wasn't going to be dictated to over our wedding. My Stepdad and Brother didn't attend and we didn't speak for a while afterwards but he now bitterly regrets is as he would have loved to have been there. I too was disappointed but had made a stand and had to stick to it.

It was hard but if I had let him dictate to me what was going to happen, I feel it would have continued in every area of my life with him adding his 'tuppence' worth.