Mother in law problems

Trixsie1989

Hi all,

Just wondering if any of you have difficult mil or mil2b and how you deal with them.
Our wedding is causing a lot of arguments atm coz she's trying to take over and I am standing my ground.it just seems like there's an issue with everything.
We've invited her friends as she's single so she's not on her own and now on top of that she wants more people invited plus someone we don't no as a date to the wedding.
We're having a sweetie table but apparently no one will want any of it.
Even the date is an issue coz it's in January so apparently no one will come as it's after Xmas.
And even worse, she's told me we can't have kids for a while coz she wants to have another one before we do (we're planning on trying a few months after the wedding)
We don't have a lot of money but are doing what we want on our budget and it's obviously not good enough for her but we obviously can't not invite her at all.
How would you guys deal with this? Really getting me down ATM and making me feel like we should just take 2 witnesses to the reigstry n be done with the wedding we want.

Xxx

mountainofdebt

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Hi all,

Just wondering if any of you have difficult mil or mil2b and how you deal with them.
Our wedding is causing a lot of arguments atm coz she's trying to take over and I am standing my ground.it just seems like there's an issue with everything.
We've invited her friends as she's single so she's not on her own and now on top of that she wants more people invited plus someone we don't no as a date to the wedding.
We're having a sweetie table but apparently no one will want any of it.
Even the date is an issue coz it's in January so apparently no one will come as it's after Xmas.
And even worse, she's told me we can't have kids for a while coz she wants to have another one before we do (we're planning on trying a few months after the wedding)
We don't have a lot of money but are doing what we want on our budget and it's obviously not good enough for her but we obviously can't not invite her at all.
How would you guys deal with this? Really getting me down ATM and making me feel like we should just take 2 witnesses to the reigstry n be done with the wedding we want.

Xxx

I can see you're getting married in Jan 2015....can't you for now stall her? Just say that you'll have a list of people that she would like (remember to use the words would like to invite -its important!) and then say you'll finalise the list nearer the time

if she mentions about not having a sweetie table,then tell her their all the rage and anyone whose anyone has one - and those who don't want to eat the sweets doesn't have to.

If people don't want to come because its january, then tell her then that's ok -you can invite more of who you want to invite rather than have to invite.

As for children......well you wouldn't be the first to have an unplanned pregnnacy would you lol!

Trixsie1989

I'm trying to stall her but every few days I get another person she wants to invite. For the hotel we had to give an estimated number for now so we sat and worked out who we want there n it's around 40 ppl but coz we've done that she wants this person n that person. Gonna,get really bad the closer it gets lol

We love sweets so this is a non negotiable and it's something different to desserts and finger food lol
All the important people will come in January coz if they want to see us get married it doesn't matter what time of year it is but I think she was more put out that we don't want either a summer wedding or that it's a lot earlier in 2015 than she thought it would be.
And lol about the children but how can a mil with a grown up son tell her dil2b that they can't have kids till she has one? She's not even seeing anyone, argh xxx

Mojisola

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

I'm trying to stall her but every few days I get another person she wants to invite. For the hotel we had to give an estimated number for now so we sat and worked out who we want there n it's around 40 ppl but coz we've done that she wants this person n that person.

Give her a set number that she can invite - if she wants someone new, she'll have to cross someone else off.

Other than that, start practising saying "No".

pigpen

Remind her it is you getting married and not her and she should be grateful you are letting her have ANY input at all!!


I wouldn't have any of her friends unless I wanted them there.. a celebration of your marriage is about you and the person you are marrying not about anyone else.


As for children.. my grandsons are 4y/o and 16 months x2.. my youngest 3 are 3y/o, 2y/o and 4 months.. they are more like cousins.. it is quite sweet really. How is she planning another if she is single exactly?? (I know you*can* but really?) Seems a bit crazy mad at this point in time.




Say no, mean it and stick with it.. if you start backing down to her demands you are setting a precedent for the entire married life.. her in control of you.. awful thought!.. could you live like that?


Sweetie table response is.. 'good job you are not paying for it then!'


I'd be not inviting her if she carries on... you aren't under any obligation to have anyone there you don't want...

tatabubbly

My MIL2B is lovely but she keeps going on about inviting people. But I put my foot down with my OH and said that we would invite whatever family we wanted and both our mums just have to suck it up..

We haven't told her yet, but I really don't want a bunch of old men that I don't know at my wedding!

Sazzarella

I feel your pain with the MIL problems as I have the same. Regarding people she wants there I just said we didn't have enough seats for our own friends never mind hers which is also true but I would never have let her bring her own friends to our wedding, madness!

As for the rest of the stuff just throw her a deaf ear. I have to do this a lot as MIL wants us to get married at the bowling club, have Heather buttonholes, put a twee poem on the invitations, doesn't like our favours, on and on and on and on. I just ignore her now as its not worth listening to.

Trixsie1989

Thanks guys, I was starting to think that it was just me having stupid issues like this. Sazzarella I no what you mean about the children thing, but that's the way she feels. Worst thing is she says it when oh isn't around so I'm sure he thinks I'm over reacting a lot. We are doing our sweetie table ourselves and when she found that out she was pushing me to find a company to use to do it instead so I've put my foot down with that knowing we can save a lot of money doing it ourselves and will get to keep the sweets after and have it out all night rather than just for 3 hours. I keep hearing a lot of, you need to go and look at the more expensive venues when we've already picked and booked and paid the deposit for the one we love! And I would love for it to just go over my head but it just feels a lot of the time I'm being told that my ideas are stupid and with my own mum not being around it's making it loads worse. Xx

74jax

'we are sorry you think our wedding is stupid, it's such a shame as it's totally what WE want, we would understand if you don't want to be a part of it but hope you do. Can you let us know if you will be coming otherwise we will cross you off, maybe we could have a quiet meal just us after the wedding if you'd prefer?

Trixsie1989

That is amazing 74jax I think I shall be using that :-) xxx

74jax

If you've read any of my...... Many:rotfl: posts on here when I got married you'd know I can't stand fussy, in your face, my way or no way, people.

Your MIL needs to remember she doesn't have to be there. It's your day, your way.

I bet on the day she will love it and be so proud and won't realise the stress she is causing you now....

Ps.... That quote is similar to what I said to a friend who said she wasn't coming to my wedding if we were walking from the day do to the night do...... It was 500m across a beach..... I said oooooo no problem you don't have to come il remove your name pronto.......