one salary family

sulphate

I don't see anyone judging you on this thread, it sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder more than anything!

So you are a happy SAHM, your husband earns more than £50k/annum, yet you still think you should be entitled to state help?

Rosie_D

I do not have a chip on my shoulder, who do you think you are, you're judging me by saying that, and I'm not saying I want state handouts, I'm saying other people shouldn't get them who have a combined income, they've got more than us coming into their household & they're the one getting the handouts!!!

You don't even know me so who are you to say that, you want to take a look at yourself!

savier

Rosie check your pm please

sulphate

Rosie_D wrote: »

I do not have a chip on my shoulder, who do you think you are, you're judging me by saying that, and I'm not saying I want state handouts, I'm saying other people shouldn't get them who have a combined income, they've got more than us coming into their household & they're the one getting the handouts!!!

You don't even know me so who are you to say that, you want to take a look at yourself!

Oh dear.

Perhaps their expenditure is higher than yours? Perhaps they have a bigger mortgage? If they both work perhaps they also pay for childcare? As well as the work expenses such as commuting etc.... Perhaps one of your neighbours would love to stay at home but can't afford to and think you're the lucky ones.

You sound really defensive about your life choices and if you are truly happy with them then why are you affected so much by what other people supposedly think of you?

retromother

I'm a stay at home mum until my two are both school. We have two children full time and my stepson at weekends. The younger two share and stepson has his own room because he is much older. We have to run a car because his mums house has no proper public transport and is over ten miles away.

I'm not sure I agree that working mums get handouts. I had to quit work because of lack of childcare support. Even with childcare vouchers I made no money and I had less time to shop smart, cook and walk places rather than driving. I think some women can't afford to stay at home and some can't afford to work. It really depends on how much you earned and also how much your partner earns. I earned very little and hubby earned enough to tax us out of tax credit eligibility.

I'm certainly not complaining. We can pay our bills, we eat well and we are happy. I just think there is truly no one size fits all solution.

retromother

savier wrote: »

thank you for your replies
it seems that indeed you CAN live with one salary

but we live in 2013 and in one of the richest economies in the world
and what one salary can offer is as far as I see well below the standard we should have

for example, is it luxury to have two laptops for the kids? to have seperate room for each? to have two cars? to get them to the gym? to buy them smartphones? to offer them holidays overseas?

these shouldn't be consider a luxury, but the standard, given where and in which era we live in

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

Laptops - I don't believe a child should have their own laptop for safety issues anyway. A family laptop or PC can be used for homework and browsing in the presence of an adult. You only have to google Amanda Todd to see why.

Rooms - ok maybe. Kids of different genders need their own room and perhaps older kids, but my young boys love sharing.

Cars - the only reason I see two cars being needed is for two working people. The hypothetical is for one working person.

Gym - ugh, not everyone loves the gym. I hate them, would much rather get outdoors on a bike. Kids get plenty of exercise at school and certainly don't need a gym.

Smartphones - maybe for older kids, but again concerns regarding cyber bullying make me cautious

Holidays overseas - with the laws surrounding taking kids out of school, even working parents struggle. Plus they have to compete for time off with all the other working parents. My husband never gets time off during school holidays, because everyone else in his dept has kids too.

These are all wants (except rooms in certain circumstances) and personal choices for everyone.

MrsGSR

Rosie_D wrote: »

USA1, I would just like to add in my defence that I worked FULLTIME from the age of 17 until the age of 35 when I had my first child so I think I have contributed enough NI contributions for myself thank you very much. Please do not insinuate that I am trying to make working mothers pay for my "lifestyle choice" as you all seem to think I have made, I have paid my own tax & NI contributions to justify me being at home with my kids.

Everyone is different & as I said I am not saying I don't agree with working mothers, it's just that people seem to have a downer on SAHM's, that they're scroungers or something, I am not like that in the slightest! We pay our own way in life & I'd like to know what is wrong with a man earning a high wage so his wife can bring up their children?

Nothing is wrong with it, if my husband earned more I would be a SAHM, I work so I can pay for our food. I do enjoy it as well because it gives me something for me. I'm practically a SAHM as I am around during the children's waking hours.
As I said in the governments eyes it is a "lifestyle choice" whereas years ago it was pretty much the norm and that was what you did.
I do think as a mother you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, society judges working mothers as well as SAHMs, you can't win! I even get funny comments about giving up working as a HLTA to working in a supermarket!

Rosie_D

I'm not getting into this any more, it's got way out of hand & people are entitled to their own opinions but sulphate has got way too personal for my liking.

I would just like to add that I am totally happy with being a SAHM & I have done it out of choice for the last 6 years, I could have gone back but me & my husband thought me giving up work was the right thing for our family, & if that bothers some people then that's up to them.

MrsGSR

It doesn't bother me Rosie and it's clearly something you are happy with and works for your family. It will always be an emotive issue for many.