Why work?

hazyjo

'Temporary' has been quite long term, although he always worked, tried some other City places, then quit and opted to retrain and started a 3 year training course - he got 2.5 years in and folded (last year). Was just all too much. I could see the cracks starting to show and desperately tried to piece him back together but it wasn't happening. I'd been with him for around 6 months at that time, but had known him for around a year.

Things went totally mental after that - we worked out he was bipolar, then he realised they'd actually told him in hospitals (and rehab) before that he was 'manic depressive'. He didn't realise it was the same thing, and didn't take anything in anyway. He barely retains anything like that. He pretty much gave up. Had all sorts of other issues (addictions) and has now come out the other side. It took moving away to sort him out. His so-called friends hated me. We went through an awful time.

But now I can see normality draining back into him like it's a colour. When I do or say totally crazy things, he's become the rational one.

He's on JSA at the moment and is going to be doing a training thing soon. I think it'll be good for him. Bipolar isn't recognised as enough for him not to work (unfortunately). I think it should be. They don't see the anxiety every time he leaves the house. Sometimes enough to throw up. Everyone thinks he's a chatty jack-the-lad who gets on with everyone, but I see the other side. The side that's been known to cry when I've left the house for work, the man who is bordering agoraphobic (his mum is and has been for some while). His dad's an alcoholic. There's history of abuse too. Honestly, there are sometimes circumstances that should be taken into account. I like our life as it is, but I think that maybe two days a week would be a positive step for him. Things have improved drastically for him over the last year. He's back in touch with his family and his eldest son's staying this weekend. He will find his feet again, I know he will. But I will never force him to work anywhere with a huge amount of pressure (unlike his mum and exes).

Anyway, sorry if off track, know we're on the property forum! Just think some people might not be signed off medically, but that doesn't mean they're fit for work. Sometimes, if we could make our own choice not to work (and afford to do so) and not get any other free services than working people, maybe it should be an option that's considered. Even if it's by someone who's too lazy to get off their backside - I'd rather we all pay a tiny bit towards them doing naff all than have them drain more by paying for them to sign on every week or whatever, do training programs, or get certain things paid for. If my BF could get even £40 or £50 a week as a 'house-husband' while not adding to the unemployment figures, we'd happily say he never has to work again. As it stands, two days a week somewhere may bring in around £100 a week. Can live with that.

Just another slant on it...

Jx

lessonlearned

Hazy-Jo - sorry to hear about your partner, it sounds as if he has been through the mill. It's good that he has had some time to recuperate.

Actually he sounds a gem - a real "keeper";)

Hope you don't mind me making a few suggestions.

Both the vintage clothing and furniture could be the basis of a little sideline business, I dabble in both myself.

I recently revamped a Welsh dresser, paid £25 for a 80's orange pine one. Painted it a lovely vintage cream, saw one in Laura Ashley's £600!!!! I've been asked if I want to sell it, Not at the moment, my son is using it. I'm sure I could ask at least £150 for it.

What about bric-a-brac /antique dealing as an extra income stream. I dabble in this a bit from time to time. Don't make a fortune but it's a nice little bit extra.

The one thing you mention that really does stand out though is the painting and decorating. There are loads of people - especially those of more mature years - who might be happy to pay someone like your partner.

He could try putting up a few posters or cards in your local shops. Those local magazines are also very cheap to advertise in, or a leaflet drop perhaps.

Does he like gardening - that's another nice way to earn money. Gardening in summer, decorating and simple diy/handy man type jobs in the winter.

I can well understand his terror of office work. I was never a 9 to 5 type of person myself and being cooped in an office all day was my idea of hell on earth.

However, it sounds as if he has lots of practical skills, and self employment - picking and choosing his hours might suit you both very well.

20 to 30 hours a week - say 10-4pm - @ £10 per hour as a gardener/decorator/handyman might be just the ticket.

Just edited - I recently employed a handyman who charged £15 per hour. However, some work i.e. decorating etc is best priced as "the job price"

SG27

Lord_Baltimore wrote: »

I think part of his viewpoint is that the best things in life are 'free'.

I'd be interested to know what he thinks those things are?

lessonlearned

Posts crossed.

I would say that working with his hands is probably the best thing for him - allowing him to "get in the flow" - basically allowing him to get absorbed in the task in hand so that his mind doesn't race and the anxiety levels rise.

Whenever I've been stressed or at a low ebb I've found working at something physical and doing something creative, painting, gardening, cooking etc can be very therapeutic.

hazyjo

lessonlearned wrote: »

Hazy-Jo - sorry to hear about your partner, it sounds as if he has been through the mill. It's good that he has had some time to recuperate.

Actually he sounds a gem - a real "keeper";)

Hope you don't mind me making a few suggestions.

Both the vintage clothing and furniture could be the basis of a little sideline business, I dabble in both myself.

I recently revamped a Welsh dresser, paid £25 for a 80's orange pine one. Painted it a lovely vintage cream, saw one in Laura Ashley's £600!!!! I've been asked if I want to sell it, Not at the moment, my son is using it. I'm sure I could ask at least £150 for it.

What about bric-a-brac /antique dealing as an extra income stream. I dabble in this a bit from time to time. Don't make a fortune but it's a nice little bit extra.

The one thing you mention that really does stand out though is the painting and decorating. There are loads of people - especially those of more mature years - who might be happy to pay someone like your partner.

He could try putting up a few posters or cards in your local shops. Those local magazines are also very cheap to advertise in, or a leaflet drop perhaps.

Does he like gardening - that's another nice way to earn money. Gardening in summer, decorating and simple diy/handy man type jobs in the winter.

I can well understand his terror of office work. I was never a 9 to 5 type of person myself and being cooped in an office all day was my idea of hell on earth.

However, it sounds as if he has lots of practical skills, and self employment - picking and choosing his hours might suit you both very well.

20 to 30 hours a week - say 10-4pm - @ £10 per hour as a gardener/decorator/handyman might be just the ticket.

Just edited - I recently employed a handyman who charged £15 per hour. However, some work i.e. decorating etc is best priced as "the job price"

Thanks. I nearly walked many times. There's nothing lazy about him, he just can't handle that environment and stress/pressure any more.

Welcome the suggestions. He used to sell records (vinyl) at markets at weekends. His love is with that and old original comics. I would love him to get back into either. He loves customising his own stuff and often buys things like badges which he sews on clothes.

He is a brilliant decorator. Did a far better job with the wallpaper than the actual decorator did in my last house. And the painting! He's a perfectionist. Very thorough. Very slow too though lol - but practice makes perfect! Once his confidence is up, he may well consider doing that.

I had already started checking ebay for exactly the sort of thing you've done with the dresser and have seen asking prices way in excess of £150! (Had a few alerts set over the last month or two.)

I'm going to get him a little table or something to start on and get the paints (certain paints sell items I've noticed!). He can sit there for hours doing it up. It'll give him the confidence to do more.

He's not mad on gardening, but did once get into growing stuff. Ours is paved so he's not having much to do - just weeding, a few flowerbeds/climbers (and digging up the cat s*** every few days lol).

I'm pretty sure that he won't have the confidence in himself to seek out decorating work (although one neighbour recently came round and was amazed at how well he'd done and seemed interested in passing some work his way). He's put up fence posts (including the concrete posts) before and handpainted and customised some 'family stuff' years ago. I know he should be painting furniture and selling it on or customising clothes/other items. We've been doing a lot on ebay lately so that's definitely giving him some confidence back.

Once we get to January, I'll encourage him and possibly buy something to get him started. He just barely has a penny right now. I will stress the fact that if he does that, and does it well and sells it on, he'll never have to set foot in a job centre, training programme or office ever again!

Jx

lessonlearned

Well I wish you both the very best of luck.

Come January I shall be expecting progress reports :rotfl:

Gently does it, and - with your help and support - I''m sure he'll come through it in the end.

The thing is once he has done a couple of jobs for people, they will recommend him and he won't have to go out and hawk his wares or "sell" his services. People will refer him and the work will come to him. Good decorators/handy men are worth their weight in gold. If he is a bit slow then definitely price for the job and not an hourly rate.

hazyjo

Lord_Baltimore wrote: »

It would be churlish of me to attempt to add to the great advice from lessonlearned so I'll say just one thing and hope it sticks in your mind - take care of yourself too, you may not be fully aware of the pressure you are under.

Best of luck hazyjo.

Yep ta. Calm as you like now but had awful times with him. Few and far between thankfully but he put me through hell. Lost my dad, my cat, FIL, bought and sold a house, bought another, got divorced, all within about 2 years. Think I actually broke without being able to admit it. Had to stay strong.

Had zero probs with bf when since we moved in April. Can't tell you how much easier it is having him do basically everything. He even plugs my hairdryer and straighteners in when I'm in a mad rush lol. He's so calm too and had lost all the stress. He cries he's so happy. Yet still my mum pushes for him to work. We're just taking our time. Lots of change has already happened so we're handling one change at a time. He's still got a lot of proving to do.

Jx

Soleil_lune

But how can anyone not work? Where would you get your income? I think the article is stupid.

Saturnalia

I'd love to know how the writer of that piece has any sort of life on benefits alone. I have experience of it and not through choice at all. HB isn't anywhere near the cost of the rent and once the excess is taken out of JSA, there's a handful of rice left.

You hear all sorts of tales about people living the life of riley on benefits - I'd love to know how they claim these extra £100s a week that I could never find! Or do they all have stunningly well-paid under-the-table jobs on the sly? Or mastermind crime empires?

But never mind the money. It was the depression I couldn't stand. Not being a part of society, loneliness, missing out on so much of my young years due to lack of funds. I was too paranoid to go out in the daytime at times, scared for my safety if a benefits-hater saw me out during work hours and realised I must be jobless. And the utter misery and hopelessness of the Job Centre.

I was on meds for depression and many a time I didn't want to live any more. And to think people actually aspire to that existence?!? S/he is welcome to it. I'm now a wage-earning, rat-racing, tax-paying, commuting member of the workforce, and I wake up at 6am feeling incredible.

moneyistooshorttomention

wile wrote: »

I would be quite interested to know what the writer is doing with himself these days.

Which is a good point, partly in view of the fact that that letter was written in 1982. Rather different times to now. My periods of unemployment I had were back in the 1980s (ie back before all the Death of a Thousand Cuts imposed on benefit for childless people since). So, because I was prudent, I was fine and managed to survive some months of unemployment okay. I wouldn't care to try it these days....:eek:. I'm only too aware that I would be eating through savings at a rate of knots (to subsidise benefit not being enough to manage on) and then what?....if the savings ran out and I still hadn't got a job? Doesn't bear thinking about....

Another factor of being on benefit back then was that most people agreed with me that the job I was waiting for had MY "terms and conditions" (ie safe/indoors/traditional office hours only/convenient enough in its location that I could walk or, at most, take one readily available bus or train to it). I cant see a lot of people these days agreeing with me holding out for MY work conditions. Goodness knows, I couldn't even get MY work conditions any more in a lot of offices these days (visions of constant conflicts with employers about "Whaddya mean 8pm on a Saturday is deemed to be an okay time to finish work for the week? and of course I don't work Sundays").

I do feel sorry for people being expected to put up with what are being deemed to be normal work conditions these days and work at what are deemed to be normal work pace these days (ie far too fast...with the unrealistic targets often set these days).

So...yep...the best things in life are free...but many of them are being taken off us these days (eg suitable places to go for those long walks in...ie nice countryside that hasn't been over-developed and/or got too many other people out there at the same time with the same idea of "escaping to country for a walk, with very few people around"). Even a time as recent as the early 1980s almost feels like "something in a history book", as things have changed so much (and usually for the worse) since then.

I honestly don't know what I would do personally for one if I "back-tracked" to being working age again and was expected to put up with the work conditions prevalent with many employers these days. I'm only too thankful that I about managed to hang onto MY work conditions for JUST long enough to reach my retirement age. If I hadn't I'd be in a dilemma and a half as to how "play my part/pay my way" and not get stuck with unacceptable work conditions to earn the money to pay my way (definitely would be a "There's no easy answers" situation). If indeed I had any answers at all personally...