'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

Dunroamin

barbiedoll wrote: »

That is the important bit. There may be many reasons why perfectly stable and happy couples don't marry. Religious differences, personal beliefs (like *max* who won't get married until everyone can) and even still being married to someone else who won't grant a divorce could be "valid" reasons.

Those three reasons and the words "stable and happy" don't really belong in the same argument.

Dunroamin

claire16c wrote: »

Just because someone has a lavish wedding doesn't mean commitment isn't there though.

I know a couple who got married in a registry office, then had a small party in a community centre hall down the road. Which according to a lot of people on this board means you'll be together forever just because you had the cheapest wedding ever.

They split up within 2 years.

I don't see why how much money you spend or how crazy/lavish/cheap your wedding is has anything to do with the strength of your relationship.

That might be true if you or your family are rich and can spend that sort of money without blinking. If not and it means years of saving and going without other things then it does seem to me to be symbol of immaturity and lack of commitment.

geri1965_2

I love this assumption that you must be married, or even in a relationship, to have kids.

What about the single parents who successfully manage to bring up their children in the absence of the partner?

My sister has three children, with different fathers, and pretty much no help from any of them (the father of the youngest was on the scene for a few years and made sporadic payments afterwards).

All of them are happy, rounded individuals with good values and work ethic, my nephew works on a oil ship in Azerbaijan, my eldest niece is at uni training to be a social worker and the youngest has just finished GSCEs and is going to do animal care.

My sister has also fostered many other children.

Gillyx

I know plenty of married people who have stayed together very unhappily for the sake of the kids, even participating in extra marital affairs.

After watching my parents marriage fall apart, I don't have a wish to get married at all, so apparently that means I shouldn't have my son? I'd like to think he is being brought up in a loving, stable family home and that my relationship status doesn't affect that.

What about couples who are together 10 years plus before they decide to have children, shouldn't they do it if they decide not to get married?

Tiddlywinks

geri1965 wrote: »

My sister has three children, with different fathers, and pretty much no help from any of them (the father of the youngest was on the scene for a few years and made sporadic payments afterwards).

... this is a sad reflection on our society now - yet you are offering it up as a 'success' story.

Don't you think those children would have wanted both parents around? Wouldn't it be a better environment to have two parents supporting each other?

What about the older child having had 3 different 'fathers' and then having lost them all?

No, parents shouldn't stay together 'because of the children' but... this is the other end of the spectrum.

Your sister made it work to the best of her ability - good for her BUT I shudder at the thought of 'x number of children by x number of fathers' becoming the norm... and the readiness for people to see this as normal.

Tiddlywinks

claire16c wrote: »

Just because someone has a lavish wedding doesn't mean commitment isn't there though.

I agree BUT so many people cite the reason for not marrying is that it is just an 'expensive piece of paper'.

We are just pointing out that it does not need to be expensive - not that everyone should get married in a sack cloth.

Mojisola

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Except the article contradicts the headline:

He made clear he was not saying people should not have children unless they were prepared to marry.

He said: “I don’t think they should have children until they are sure that their relationship is stable enough to cope with the stresses and strains.”

Soleil_lune wrote: »

For what it's worth: I agree with the judge 100%

Do you agree with the judge or the headline?

System

I don't think marriage has got anything to do with the stability of a relationship to be honest but I do think its no good complaining that your partner wont marry you when you've given them too much too soon.

duchy

Really all your post shows is that your sister is better at raising children than choosing committed partners as fathers though.

Few little girls grow up thinking.... One day my prince will come ....and then leave and me and the baby he fathered before he rode off and we'll live happily ever after !

geri1965 wrote: »

I love this assumption that you must be married, or even in a relationship, to have kids.

What about the single parents who successfully manage to bring up their children in the absence of the partner?

My sister has three children, with different fathers, and pretty much no help from any of them (the father of the youngest was on the scene for a few years and made sporadic payments afterwards).

All of them are happy, rounded individuals with good values and work ethic, my nephew works on a oil ship in Azerbaijan, my eldest niece is at uni training to be a social worker and the youngest has just finished GSCEs and is going to do animal care.

My sister has also fostered many other children.

duchy

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I agree BUT so many people cite the reason for not marrying is that it is just an 'expensive piece of paper'.

We are just pointing out that it does not need to be expensive - not that everyone should get married in a sack cloth.

Indeed - I just googled for some figures -Eastbourne is in the SouthEast so no doubt not the cheapest of areas

Small register office ceremonies
These ceremonies are held on Monday to Fridays only. They take place in the Registrars Office at Eastbourne. Maximum size is four people (the couple and two guests).

£45 per couple.
Registration office ceremony rooms
Monday to Thursday – £105
Friday – £135
Saturday and Sunday – £200
Public holiday – £325

I costed a wedding for someone on here a few weeks ago in Vegas- including the flights and a week in a decent hotel and a simple ceremony, bouquet etc-it came in under £2K.

When people say to me they aren't getting married because they can't afford it............ I always wonder whether they just can't afford a big enough party or if one of them doesn't want to.