Being a 'paid companion' to older person

onlyroz

Lilacblue wrote: »

Sorry if this sounds a bit defensive, but it feels a bit as if my decision to support her is being attacked. I want to help her live as full and as independent life as possible, whilst she can. There will be a time (possible even quite soon) when this is not possible, of course there will, but she isn't there yet.

Just as long as the family also understand this. I would also feel nervous about being held responsible if anything went wrong. E.g. we had my mother-in-law come and stay with us a few years back when she was still in the early stages of dementia. She "went for a walk", and turned up just at the point when we were considering calling the police. She managed to fall on our garden path and I didn't have the strength to get her back to her feet. Not too long after that she managed to soil herself while trying to find the way to our bathroom, and proceeded to smear excrement over the carpets and surfaces in every single one of our bedrooms. This was while the family still considered her to be mostly in control of her faculties.

troubleinparadise

Sorry if this sounds a bit defensive, but it feels a bit as if my decision to support her is being attacked. I want to help her live as full and as independent life as possible, whilst she can. There will be a time (possible even quite soon) when this is not possible, of course there will, but she isn't there yet.

Dear Lilacblue,

What you are being asked to do is exactly what I would have wanted for my mum when she started on her dementia journey.

As it was, that was a very gentle decline over 18 months, and a friendly watchful eye, (along with a cleaner and delivery of lunch daily which she had), would have been a godsend alongside the other caring put in place, to keep her happy and safe in her own home.

And as you say, you are familiar with dementia. The journey and course of decline for each sufferer is different, and there are no hard and fast rules. But to have someone who sees that something is changing, even if that fluctuates, but can alert the family early enough will be a real help.

Lots of very good points have been raised in the many responses, and all are valid - but it doesn't always go badly. The decision to move my mum to a care home came after a crisis, when she had a fall. Prior to that she was pretty lucid, still had capacity and managed alright in her own home with help.

If you can help keep this lady happy and secure for a bit longer in her own home, that really will help her and her family. It sounds as though you have your eyes open to the problems that might arise, and if you feel you have a good relationship with the family members and can keep the lines of communication open, this arrangement could work out well for as long as it is appropriate.

undaunted

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

What I cannot understand is why if "the family want the reassurance of knowing that she has eaten her supper, the house is secure and she feels safe and comfortable etc." they would really require someone popping in for only two evenings a week. This should be done daily if it's to be done at all.

I can see the OP being taken advantage of from the outset if they agree to this. Little old ladies showing early signs of Alzheimers don't require to be fed only two evening meals a week, or have need of ensuring the house is secure only two days out of seven, do they? Who's going to provide these meals? Shop for them? Pay for them? Cook them? Serve them?

Perhaps family are doing this but just want / need a couple of nights to themselves?

I know of someone doing this kind of thing & charging about £12.50 per hour.

I guess it depends on the going rate in your area (not necessarily what you see as advertised wage as agencies & the like will be taking their own cut on top of what you see) also on what your relationship is to this person / family and what expereince you have in comparison to those other people / rates. Perhaps you'd charge a stranger more than someone you were close to (who you might not charge at all)?