Being a 'paid companion' to older person

Goldiegirl

I think you need to clarify with them, and get it in writing, exactly what they expect of you.

On paper, just dropping in for a couple of hours sounds fine..... But people with dementia could need help at any time of the day - would you be expected to drop everything and go round there at a moments notice.

Also, what are the family's long term plans? The lady may be just mildly forgetful at the moment, but she will get worse and worse, and sometimes the decline can be steep. I'm just a bit concerned that they'd be using you a a cheap option when they should be getting trained help, or even a care home, in the not too distant future.

Mr_Toad

Some good advice above.

My only comment would be is to avoid falling into the trap of doing it for less than the going rate.

If the person in question has more than £23,000 plus change in savings, I can't remember the exact amount, and/or owns their own home then Social Services will charge for this service and that charge will be more than they pay the people that actually do the visit.

I look after my mother who has dementia so know the pitfalls as well as what is required. If she needs help then she should be getting Attendance Allowance, there is no reason why this can't can't be paid to you as you are the one attending.

Be very wary of family claiming this then getting you to do the work for less. That may sound harsh but it does happen, I've met carers in this position through the Alzheimer's Soc.

Tiddlywinks

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I would say £10/hour, with a minimum charge per visit of £10.

Whilst I agree with the concerns others have raised, I think they're an extremely sad sign of the times and I would hope they wouldn't put me off helping this family out. Perhaps the family concerned could investigate and pay for some insurance? It shows commitment and seems to be a logical thing to do.

The trouble is that once you accept payment for caring duties you become a 'professional' with all the liabilities that go with it.

You used the phrase 'helping this family out'... OK, so you accept the 'going rate' for popping in BUT the family then blame you when the lady goes for a walk at 2 am - they say you must have left the door unlocked.

Or the lady sets a fire in the kitchen trying to make tea just 5 minutes after you've left and the family say she only did it because you failed to give her a meal.

Once you are charging for your services the family will expect so much more than 'companionship' - friendship won't come into it if a problem occurs... The 'blame game' will start pretty quickly.

That's not a sad reflection on society, that's just being realistic about the nature of dementia and of human nature.

onlyroz

I agree with others that you need to step carefully here. This lady might just be mildly forgetful at the moment but if and when she declines further you might find yourself expected to perform duties or deal with behaviour that you can't cope with. At this stage it would be far better to get a qualified carer to help out.

BitterAndTwisted

What I cannot understand is why if "the family want the reassurance of knowing that she has eaten her supper, the house is secure and she feels safe and comfortable etc." they would really require someone popping in for only two evenings a week. This should be done daily if it's to be done at all.

I can see the OP being taken advantage of from the outset if they agree to this. Little old ladies showing early signs of Alzheimers don't require to be fed only two evening meals a week, or have need of ensuring the house is secure only two days out of seven, do they? Who's going to provide these meals? Shop for them? Pay for them? Cook them? Serve them?

Lilacblue

Hi Everyone

Thank you so much for all of your replies - there is definitely 'food for thought' in the points you have all raised.

Update - I met the lady's family last week. I don't know them but their relative lives near me (they live 20 miles away). Her condition is not very advanced (I understand that it is only quite recently that she had to give up her car, for example). They already have a paid carer for a few hours during the day, but just want someone else to pop in on a couple of evenings, for a chat and a reassuring check that all is well, and that she's had her tea etc. This lady is not elderly and there is no need (at the moment) for any personal care/manual handling etc. That's good, as it minimises 'risk' factors (although I do appreciate there still are some). She is keen to go for a walk, be active etc. I sense that the family just want to do everything they can to prolong her independence and involve her in the community. I can relate to that, and it brings back memories of how desperately I wanted the very best for my grandparents when I was supporting them. I used to work as a care assistant many many moons ago, and I was hyper-critical of other people treating them shoddily.

Anyway, nothing will happen until after Christmas now as the whole family are all away for a month (lucky them!!).

Thanks again everyone for your input x

Lilacblue

Hi again - I think my posts crossed with the last two above.
You are right, BitterandTwisted, that if someone needs checking up on to make sure they are eating ok, then they need this all the time and not just twice a week. That was just given to me as an example of the kinds of thing to check for when I'm there. The family are also hoping to find other people like me who can go in on other days.
I do appreciate what you all say about the demands of supporting someone with developing alzheimers. And, of course, the cruel fact is that this lady's condition will only ever deteriorate rather than improve. From what I can tell, at the moment she has only early stages but the family are also looking ahead. The family choose to pay for support because they are in a position to do so. They are probably doing exactly what I would be doing in their shoes.

PasturesNew

Mojisola wrote: »

It's very common for people with dementia to think that things have been taken from the house

This is true. I've heard of one who had somebody changing their quilt cover/sheets weekly who kept complaining the carer was stealing their bed linen.... they couldn't understand that the bed had been changed and the "stolen" quilt cover would turn up again in next week's bed change.

Tiddlywinks

Lilacblue wrote: »

Update - I met the lady's family last week. I don't know them but their relative lives near me (they live 20 miles away). Her condition is not very advanced (I understand that it is only quite recently that she had to give up her car, for example). They already have a paid carer for a few hours during the day, but just want someone else to pop in on a couple of evenings, for a chat and a reassuring check that all is well, and that she's had her tea etc. This lady is not elderly and there is no need (at the moment) for any personal care/manual handling etc. That's good, as it minimises 'risk' factors (although I do appreciate there still are some). She is keen to go for a walk, be active etc. I sense that the family just want to do everything they can to prolong her independence and involve her in the community. I can relate to that, and it brings back memories of how desperately I wanted the very best for my grandparents when I was supporting them. I used to work as a care assistant many many moons ago, and I was hyper-critical of other people treating them shoddily.

Anyway, nothing will happen until after Christmas now as the whole family are all away for a month (lucky them!!).

Thanks again everyone for your input x

Sorry, but the bold bit does show how little you know of dementia - and I do mean that kindly.

Regardless of age, dementia can rob a person of the ability to remember how to do things. Sometimes the fog descends very quickly. You could turn up and find her naked or incontinent or whatever - not because of age but cognitive ability. How will you deal with that? The next day (and for weeks after) she could be fine again.

Physically strong and active people can 'forget' how to get dressed. Can suddenly be transported back in time to being a child... or a young mum... or a teenager getting ready for a date.

If you find her in soiled clothing what will you do? She might not remember who you are and scream and fight you... how will you prevent injury?

I fully understand the family wishing to help - but are you the right person to provide that help? That is not meant as a slight on your character - just a question as to whether you really know what dementia can do to a person.

It is not fair to anyone to take on this job without fully understanding the difficulties (physical and mental) that dementia can bring.

Lilacblue

Thanks Tiddlywinks - I do have experience of dementia, both personally and professionally. If any of those situations that you describe were to arise then there is no way that I would consider attempting to support the lady concerned on the basis that is currently being requested; in those situations a proper assessment should be made and a co-ordinated care plan put to together to ensure her comfort and safety in the most appropriate environment. I get that.
However, at the moment this lady is absolutely nowhere near that state. Most of her neighbours are unaware of her condition as she usually presents normally and appears (on the surface) to cope. However, her family know differently and have the resources to pay people to be the 'eyes and ears' that they cannot be on a daily basis. I appreciate that this current stage may last for some months, and that there could then be a sudden deterioration. I am confident that I have the competency to recognise where my own abilities to support start and end.
Sorry if this sounds a bit defensive, but it feels a bit as if my decision to support her is being attacked. I want to help her live as full and as independent life as possible, whilst she can. There will be a time (possible even quite soon) when this is not possible, of course there will, but she isn't there yet.