Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

HeadAboveWater

Everything NSC said

Reminder of these 3 massive points:

NinjaSavingKat wrote: »

...ultimately you are very independant, headstrong and intelligent...

You seem to be doing just fine without him...

I think your little haven you have created is exactly what you and Jellytot need to thrive

I believe in you too *hug*

liltdiddylilt

First of all, a massive thank you NSK and HAW. Your support means more than you could ever know. And yes, armchair psychology and lack of real knowledge aside, you're bang on.

I am better off without him. In terms of money, he never actually really contributed. Having said that, he didn't really 'spend' either. A grand total of £19 on Direct Debits came from his bank account. His meagre wages covered that and the rest just sat in his account to pay for the occasional take-away or a PS3/PS4 game (or console) he wanted. I know that I am not taking into account the extra heating, electric, food etc that he consumed, but I doubt I will really see a difference as it is.

What has instantly made a difference is that since he moved, my tax credits have risen to cope with the 'drop' in income; my council tax suddenly became cheaper with a 25% single person discount, and I have suddenly become eligible to receive 70% funding towards Jellytot's nursery fees. Since I never used his money anyway, it's money for nothing. I will be putting as much as humanly possible away, not knowing when it may dry up or drop, or my circumstances may change, it would be good to have a very healthy cushion.

The update on our relationship status is that we very definitely called time on it on Tuesday. In a sad, giving up way, more than an angry and upset way. I wasn't really all that emotional about it. I have been so ready for him to get the balls to tell me he was done since October now. He has slowly eroded my feelings away to a level which is acceptable. I still love him, but I am by no means devastated at the loss. I am trying to look to the future, without too much worry at his new girlfriends, introductions to Jellytot etc. I am sure he has the same fears.

I've got appointments booked to view nurseries on Monday. I am hoping to be able to get Jellytot in there on a Tuesday all day (giving me some much needed me-time) and then one day that I work, releasing some of the pressure on Him to arrive at the crack of dawn before I go to work on a Weds morning, and also releasing the pressure on me to having him staying at my flat two nights per week.

I am very happy that since we split I have been able to explain to him the damage he is doing to Jellytot by sitting indoors with her for 3 straight days per week and going nowhere and doing nothing interactive. I showed him video clip after video clip of us walking, splashing in puddles, poking flowers and following dogs. Jellytot LOVES the outdoors, especially now that she has her little backpack with a lead, which means we can walk everywhere together. So he has agreed to try and take her out more. His reasons for not doing so were that she walks too slow, is too meandering on her little rambles and he struggles to keep a check on what she is doing. My attitude? Who cares if she splashes in a slightly too deep, too muddy puddle? I'm the one who paid for the Clarks boots she is wearing. I will be the one cleaning them up and polishing them back to rights. All he has to deal with is making sure she takes her shoes off as she comes in the front door?!:mad:

So, as NSK always says. Onwards and Upwards.

I've my Jellytot, my health, my lovely home, more than enough money, a lovely family, great friends. I am BLESSED and lucky indeed.

HeadAboveWater

I'm sending *happy hugs* today

I am hoping to be able to get Jellytot in there on a Tuesday all day (giving me some much needed me-time)

Fingers crossed

I am very happy that since we split I have been able to explain to him the damage he is doing to Jellytot by sitting indoors with her for 3 straight days per week and going nowhere and doing nothing interactive

Yay for this! Jelly is a lovable adorable fun girl, and she deserves to do stuff she loves! With people who love her. She's so young. But she'll grow up fast. That clock can never be reversed. Memories are being made every day Make the most of every second you have with your beautiful precious daughter.

I've my Jellytot, my health, my lovely home, more than enough money, a lovely family, great friends. I am BLESSED and lucky indeed.

I love your attitude lilt. That's how we all should be!

liltdiddylilt

Who could fail to be uplifted by this little creature?

please-let-me-be-lucky

Don't know how I've missed all your January updates Lilt :eek:. Sorry for not being there, but so pleased to hear you sounding so positive in the end. You deserve so much better than he can give you.

Jellytot is, quite simply, adorable! My DS2 has the same curly blonde locks Xx

NinjaSavingKat

Hello Lilt.... I think it's the measure of a person when their baby comes before anything. Having your ex stay in your flat 3 nights a week won't be easy I am sure. Frustrating even more than he has to be encouraged to interact with his own daughter in a way that will benefit her and enable her to grow - and who doesn't like a muddy puddle. My brother still knows its the best way to encourage me to go mountain biking..."there's lots of puddles Kat"....:T

I am glad you are where you are with this situation. I am sure it must have been crushing dealing waiting for so long for him to man-up! You will just grow from here Lilt.. you have proven yourself stronger than most and your fortitude it something your daughter will thank you for in years to come. You have shown her that forgiveness (assumptions by the way) aren't easy but are sometimes necessary (in letting him stay in your home to be near his little girl) and that a person must in some occasions put themselves first (not taking him back).....

However excitment that you have this extra money to stash away - dare I say a holiday might be on the cards this year for you and Jellytot..? :T:T:T... and I would have to concur that she is simply gorgeous! beautiful little cheeks, gorgeous hair and a slight mischievious little face - whats not to love!!! I love seeing these updates!!

I've my Jellytot, my health, my lovely home, more than enough money, a lovely family, great friends. I am BLESSED and lucky indeed.

Yes, yes and YES some more. The only way is up!

Onwards and Upwards!!

liltdiddylilt

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Jellytot is, quite simply, adorable! My DS2 has the same curly blonde locks Xx

They are adorable indeed! I got them chopped yesterday for the first time by a real hairdresser, rather than in her highchair, in front of cbeebies by ME :eek: - curly hair is so forgiving! it's much better for having had a proper chop though and she sat there for 20 minutes good as gold without a murmur having it chopped away

Need to write a decent catch up post on here. Off to do so!

liltdiddylilt

Ok, so what has been happening in the world of Lilt?

- Jellytot has visited a couple of nurseries and we have settled on a lovely very local one with a great outdoor area, plenty of space indoors and lots of lovely children for her to interact with. She should be in the 'baby room' as she is under 2, but her boisterousness and curiosity, along with her excellent counting skills mean that they would like her in with the 2-4 year olds. I am sure this will only help her to grow and learn even more quickly! She's going to go 1 day when I am off work and at least half a day when Him is there. It is a double whammy for me as I know she is well looked after and learning and having fun, and I get some much needed me time as a single mum who spends 4 days a week with Jelly, and the other 3 at work all day THEN with Jelly. Him shall just have to deal with it, and enjoy the time himself.

- She also (as written above) had her very first hairdressers haircut. She has exceptionally curly ringlets, which I can only get a brush through once a day, with conditioner on, when she is in the bath! :eek: - It was more than overdue that the front especially needed the dead ends taking off so that bathtime didn't dissolve into floods of tears at tangles! She was perfection Not a peep out of her. She gave the hairdresser some dirty looks when spray from her hair got in her eyes but other than that was wonderful!

- I have booked a holiday from work. 3 days holiday has left me with the 8th to the 18th off work, going back the 19th! Love part time working holidays! I'm going to spend some time back home with family, and also my parents will come back with me and Jellytot for a couple of days. Means I can go to IKEA and splurge and they can drive us back, rather than me trying to put it all on a train with me and the littlie! I needed something to look forward to

- Helped Him pack up all of the stuff he left behind the last time he 'moved out' and his parents collected it all and him on Monday. Never realised how much stuff he had! 4 huge bags of DVD's alone.. He text me 20 minutes after they had left asking if there was something he didn't know. Because I seem to be taking it all too well. My reply was something along the lines of, we have been doing this for 5 months, you've moved out once already. I've cried all I am going to over this. And somehow magically, he has turned it around so that he is the one who could have made this work, if only I hadn't given up on him in September when he dumped me, telling me he no longer had any feelings for me... :rotfl: I still haven't 'given up' on him now... so that is a huge joke. I ended up telling him I was no longer continuing the conversation because I was literally speechless at that. Cue him turning up this morning, minus the ring he was wearing until he left. Tried not to get hurt. Failed a bit, but got over it swiftly.

-Enough about that.... What else has happened? I've cleared out a huge cupboard in my hallway and can finally fit my stuff in it. I threw out two huge bin liners full of tat that I would or have been asking Him whether I should throw away with the answer 'keep it for now' for a long while. No one to ask means decisive action and a clean house is a clean mental state in my world!

Speaking of the house. It is spotless... all of the time. My draining board doubles as a mirror. I may be slightly OCD but I don't put pots to dry on it... I place them on the counter, dry them immediately afterwards and mop up the puddles later.... :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: sad eh?!

I've got half a dozen money related things on my to do list. I need a quiet evening to myself with my laptop. Everytime I get one however, I end up catching up the ironing, showering and going to bed not long after Jellytot. Once I catch up the missed sleep maybe I will get around to it. Or maybe I will just have to have a late night and sort it out this weekend! None of it is pressing... I've got my savings to transfer back from Him and place in a couple of accounts. Got to switch my gas and electric, re-do my budget, check out my broadband bill for last month and see what extra's they added on as it was astronomical for some reason... Change my standing order into my regular saver and up it to the maximum...

Kat, a holiday may indeed be on the cards. It seems redundant to go though, when I live on the coast within a couple of minutes walk of the beach! :T

HeadAboveWater

Who says a holiday has to be by the beach?! How about going to a city for a change and noseying round museums and coffee shops and stuff like that? North Coast of Ireland is beautiful by the way....

All your money stuffs, write them in a list and score them off as you do them. One a day or something. You said they're not pressing which is good.

Pleased to hear how things have worked out for jelly And well done on her first hairdresser trip!

All the cleaning/clearing you're doing - you binning or selling on ebay? You may as well get a few ££ for stuff if you can. I've managed to do quite well on ebay recently which makes a change!

liltdiddylilt

Ahahahaha! That sounds like a hint HAW. The holiday my parents are pushing me for, is to go and share my brothers static caravan with them in Newquay (providing it is still there and not underwater!:eek::eek:) in June this year. It means a heck of a long and roundabout cross-country train to get there. And that is why I feel that it is maybe a redundant exercise, swapping one south coast of England for the other south coast of England. Ireland sounds much more fun! I have to be honest, I was hoping for somewhere hot and Spanish though

I am pleased to say I have done most of my money stuffs!!
- Regular Saver topped up & standing order changed to the maximum (gulp!) I can save each month.
- BT Bill deciphered. I did owe them that amount of money. It was set up costs and nigh on 2 months worth of bill because of when it was set up. Luckily my £150 cashback popped into the bank today
- Transferred my savings over from Him. Left his account looking much less healthy than it has been for the last year, but that was artificial and I left him with more than I could have so I refuse to feel guilty for making sure Jellytot & I are cared for (my money anyway!).
- Budget rewritten & looking healthy even with the whopping regular savings going out. I had to 'borrow' a small portion of my other savings in order to top it up to the max, but now I am working hard to get that back across, starting with the BT £150 being moved the regular saver is massively higher interest than the Lloyds current account I have stuffed the rest of my savings into for now so it works out better.


Still need to sort my gas & electricity out and find a better savings account for the rest of my cash. ISA's are pitiful rates.

In other news, Jellytot starts nursery on the 18th. I will have a full day work & jellytot free a week. Since I spend 4 days a week entirely alone with her, followed by 3 days at work, I am not going to feel guilty for this 'me-time' whilst she is being entertained and learning from other adults & children alike. Him refused to let her go for a day of 'his time' with her, and so we compromised and she will go on a Weds afternoon. All sources said she needed to go on 2 separate days a week and I wasn't able to put her in for the other weekday I have her because his parents insist on coming that day. Lord knows what they will do when she starts school...

I am on my last day of work and then have next week off - This 3 day holiday means I am off for 11 days straight! Love working part time.

I am going to Nottingham on Tuesday for a few days with Jellytot & then my parents are bringing us back and staying a couple of days. Not a very relaxing holiday but hey, different places, different faces.