Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

Mrs_Cheshire

So pleased for you Lilt. Glad your getting loads of support and making changes to help you move on. Enjoy your first night in your new room!

HeadAboveWater

Roll on bedtime, huh?! :D

Glad things went well with HV too And I'm glad she's looking out for you as well as jellytot.

He is beginning to resemble a strangled chicken from her firm neck grip on him!

:eek::rotfl:

Yeah maybe a new one for christmas isn't a bad idea!!

Really good to read your update - and you do sound more positive and upbeat One step at a time

Enjoy your crimbo shopping/organising today, and the time with your parents. And don't eat all those mini heroes at once!!

liltdiddylilt

*hangs head in shame*...

It's been nearly a month since I posted. I'm very sorry diary.. I have had a lot going on, both inside my 'relationship' and outside of it. That is no excuse though!

Christmas was excellent in terms of time spent with Jellytot, gifts for both me and her and general goodwill. I managed to keep my DFW hat on right up until I spent a combined £2500 between supermarket shops. Only a fraction of that was on gifts, and zero on alcohol so that leaves the rather mind-boggling question of how I ended up having to do another shop a little over a week after Christmas?!? Bah. Good job it comes around once a year and not monthly eh!

I took the tree down on the 28th to make room for a slide in my living room, amongst half a dozen other 'big' presents. Myself, I only spent £24.99 plus £50 worth of vouchers on a vtech innotab baby 2 for Jelly. She adores it!! Everyone else bought an eye watering amount of stuff, that I am still working out how to cram into my flat!

The same day, Jelly and I skidded to A&E after she ran through the house, tripped over my foot and smashed face first into the wooden flooring. Ouch. One 20 month old with a broken nose and banged up face... I'm sure she only did it so I couldn't wipe her nose from the lingering cold she has!:rotfl: I'm counting it as a win that this is her first trip there in 20 months. And LAST in the first 5 years might I add *touches that wood flooring...*

Other than those lovely easy to write about things, I have a whole bunch of other unexplainable stuff going on. I'll just leave it with an ''In Progress'' sign hanging over it until I am ready to talk. I know you won't judge but hey.

Off to eat more stollen bites and spread yet more Christmas cheere aka icing sugar over my pyjamas and laptop have a lovely evening!!

HeadAboveWater

*hugs* to you lilt

One day at a time. We're here when you need us.

liltdiddylilt

Just saw my typo up there... £2500 on food?!? £250****

Hugs back atcha!!

HeadAboveWater

£2500?? I didn't even notice!! :rotfl:

I'm away to wake myself up properly now....

liltdiddylilt

Ha well I feel much more virtuous now that it isn't £2500. That would be a ridiculous amount to spend on 2 days of Christmas food, unless it was to feed a few hundred people!!

Just got some new trainers, which were desperately needed as I have been walking around in Sainsbury's plimsolls c. £10 for the last 6 months feeling every stone and puddle along the way! Got a bargain and paid £30 for some £70RRP adidas. It's not often I go all out on branded items, so I was pleased with that and they are exceptionally comfy. I floated to work today in them! Also got a pair of 'Replay' jeans with a £100 reduction on them, so paid £17.99. They almost fit me perfectly but I need to lose the Christmas pounds to feel comfortable in them.

Set myself up a First Direct regular savings account. 6% interest, pay in a max of £300 per month/£3600 total over the 12 months. You then get your 6% return minus tax the day after the 12 months is up. I only managed to put £100 in it so far this month but hope to be able to add in the extra (which they let you do) in the first 3 months.

Waiting for my next tax credits payment as I currently have no idea thanks to new single claim and Christmas early payment when it's actually due. Or what the amount will be. Feel a bit ropey not knowing any facts and figures on it as I have followed it so closely for the last 18 months.

Update on me and Him... A couple of weeks after he moved out, he suddenly decided he wanted to 'try' again. He couldn't seem to fathom why I wasn't down on my hands and knees saying thank you and going back to how we were when we were 'trying' from September to Decembers proper split. My own feelings on the subject were very mixed. I didn't want him to come back to 'try'. I know it needs work, but hanging a sign over our heads saying 'trying' just seems to be setting us up to fail. I asked if we could take it slow, date a bit, him live with his parents as he was doing etc... And go from there, with no labels on it. His reply was stinging and made me quite angry. He can be SO selfish. HE didn't think HE was strong enough to wait for ME to make up my mind on it. Precisely how he didn't link that to the 3+ months from September where I had been living with him day to day with exactly that problem I am not sure. He just ploughed on in about how it was too difficult for him to do that so I basically had to throw myself back into it full force, with all my heart, no reservations, for him to TRY and make it work. Yeah, seems reasonable. I kind of told him to stick it and grow up.

Since then he has tried to make things work from afar, vaguely compromising on very small things, but pushing my limits and boundaries too far repeatedly. At Christmas we agreed for Jellytots sake that he would come Xmas Eve and stay for the christmas period. The same evening he arrived, he went through my phone (which I had left with Jellytot for the cbeebies app) and went mental at a text message from a man who works for my company which he took completely out of context from several weeks earlier. Number 1: why is HE going through my phone? He split up with me?!?! Number 2: Why is it any of his business who is texting me? Number 3: CHRISTMAS EVE REALLY?!?! We spent hours going back and forth screaming, luckily after Jellytot was in bed. It wasn't pretty, he wasn't listening. He was insistent that I had cheated; I won't go into the ins and outs, but this is a happily married man who just happens to think it's hilarious to request payment in kind for work completed. It's all in jest and I didn't dignify it with a response, which apparently means I am sleeping with him.... Anyway we decided to let it lie until xmas was over and just got on with it. All seemed fine, we were getting on much better but then he wouldn't leave after xmas. I ended up having to kick him out and he is upset by that... He keeps on winding back to this text message... It's an insurmountable problem for him apparently. I have tried to explain that the last 8 months of him talking day and night non-stop via text, snapchat, skype and playstation to a girl he met online did the same thing to me only I learned to live with it all that time. Apparently I am being dramatic, and it isn't the same thing because she is his friend and 'as far as he tells me' they haven't done anything wrong, whereas I am not 'innocent' in one text message sent from someone else to me... Yeah I will take his word for it shall I?

You know when you feel like your life is a washing machine and you're just spinning around trying not to get too soaking wet and/or drown? Yeah... that is what the last few weeks have been like. I'm definitely not winning the battle with the water.

All other things in life are good though!!

NinjaSavingKat

To think I have only just found this!! I am so sorry Lilt!

I did wonder where you went for a little while but thought that people have their own lives and heartache to deal with and didn't ask. I am even more sorry for that.

What an awful thing to happen before Christmas and what a situation to deal with (although I have only read your opening entry and wanted to post straight away) but I know you have your head screwed on, Jellytot is gorgeous and happy and healthy and you will create a wonderful little life for her...

[STRIKE]I am going to read the rest of the posts[/STRIKE] All read .... but consider me subscribed!!!

HeadAboveWater

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Ha well I feel much more virtuous now that it isn't £2500. That would be a ridiculous amount to spend on 2 days of Christmas food, unless it was to feed a few hundred people!!

Does that mean I'm invited next year seeing as you've so many seats to fill?! :rotfl:

Well done on the bargains Seen quite a few 'wants' in TK Maxx at lunch, but managed to resist! I soooo wish that shop was my walk-in wardrobe....

Hopefully the tax credits will be sorted asap so at least you know where you stand. And fingers crossed it'll help you reach the max savings with FD too.

ref your OH!! All I'm gonna say is that it's not always about him. There's meant to be 2 people in a relationship. And both parties need to consider the other.

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

You know when you feel like your life is a washing machine and you're just spinning around trying not to get too soaking wet and/or drown? Yeah... that is what the last few weeks have been like. I'm definitely not winning the battle with the water.

If I knew where the 'off' button was it'd have been whumped long ago

NinjaSavingKat wrote: »

.... I know you have your head screwed on, Jellytot is gorgeous and happy and healthy and you will create a wonderful little life for her...

Bingo! Well said NSK!

NinjaSavingKat

Well now.... I have written paragraphs for you and deleted them 4 times. I am just a passer-by looking into your life and worry about the effect my words might have on you. I could possibly not reply at all but I have to - I quite like you Lilt, I personally appreciate your sense of humour and above all believe in you! So yes - I have to post! But would I be patronising you by telling you what you probably already know.

You are better off without him. I know it's easy for us arm-chair psychologists to sit here and assume we know the full picture and can happily extol all kinds of logic and explanations to help you but there are a few things that stick out that you clearly may have already realised but that I wanted to reiterate so you know you are doing the right thing for you and Jellytot.

To me, from all the posts on my own thread and from this own thread of yours, makes me think that ultimately you are very independant, headstrong and intelligent. The man in your life needs to accept this, give you space, support you and not lord it over you, and most importantly discuss life with you and not tell you want you have to do.

The man you have in your life doesn't seem to be any of these. However strong we women are though, feelings for the father of our child and the man we once loved can come seeping through and render us pliable to words so I understand why up until December you were happy to "try".

But now, the man who told you he didn't want to be with you, who can't see the women you are and appreciate the complexities of relationships that involved children and the changing motions of feelings that come with it towards the other significant person - has proved himself to be simply pathetic.

He doesn't trust you with one simple text becaue of what you yourself said he was up to. He thinks that text means you had an affair probably because he has had one. He thinks he has a right to your life despite turning his back on you and your daughter. He doesn't realise that your heart can be with him because of Jellytot but not acutally his.

You seem to be doing just fine without him. I think your little haven you have created is exactly what you and Jellytot need to thrive ( can you fit on the slide by the way?? :T) and I think you are doing the right thing to ask for more of a commitment if there is to be any reconciliation otherwise you are wasting your time and wasting your heart.

So Lilt I am glad that Joy believes in you, clearly there is reason too. You are intelligent and you are making the right choices, Jellytot is fine and loves her mangled bear and the toxicity that emanates from "him" needs to be avoided until you repair. What can he offer you?

Biggest hugs to you LiltDiddyLilt..