Don't know what to tell her

seven-day-weekend

I have a friend, we have been friends for almost forty years, although we lost touch for 25 of them. I have not actually met her for over thirty years.

She told me on the phone that she had lost some weight, and would I like some of her 'bigger' clothes. Now I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I said yes.

This huge parcel finally arrived, it cost her £17 to post it. There were loads of clothes in it, many brand new with tags and all of good quality. I was not expecting that, I thought they would be used, although I was expecting the quality.

I rang her to tell her they had arrived, as she was worried about it, and offered to pay the postage, which she refused. I told her I had not tried anything on nor looked at everything. She then said she had some other clothes, so to tell her what I liked and didn't like and she could send some more. I agreed to this but insisted on paying postage.

The problem is, I don't like any of them There are one or two pieces that I thought were not too bad and I might wear occasionally, but nothing I'd have chosen, and many of them are brown or beige, which is absolutely the worst colour for me, it just makes me look sallow. Also I think they are 'fogey' clothes. I know I'm in my 60s (she's a few years older than me), but I still think they are old womens' clothes and I don't want that.

I don't know what to tell her. It just seems so ungrateful and insulting to say I don't like anything apart from the red pashmina. On the other hand I don't want her sending clothes that she could give to someone else, especially if I have to pay for them. That's just a waste of her time and my money.

If it's relevant (although I don't see why it should be), my friend is disabled and housebound.

Any ideas what I can say to soften the blow?

Counting_Pennies_2

I would send her some flowers via the postal system that the likes of John Lewis and M&S offer and also post her a note and say thank you very much for the clothes, they are really lovely, but unfortunately after putting them on they just don't fit your body.

Would she like you to gift them to charity or put them in a 50/50 second hand shop and see if they will generate some money?

seven-day-weekend

That's a great idea, Counting Pennies I did just actually say to my husband that I could say they were the wrong shape and offer to send them back

Mojisola

If you don't meet up, do you need to say anything?

If she offers you more clothes, you can say that you don't need any more and is there someone else she would like to offer them to?

Pass the clothes on to a charity shop.

aileth

Agree with Mojisola, and I'd still send her some flowers to say thank you for it.

seven-day-weekend

Thanks, I think I have been overthinking this . I think I will just say thanks for the clothes, but I don't need any more as I have nowhere to put them (this is true) and send her a seasonal present (not Christmas as she is an Orthodox Jew - I have until the end of Chanukah on Thursday evening before I need say anything ).

She gets very lonely and spends hours on the phone talking about the past - it is not easy for me to get to see her as she lives in sheltered housing in Middlesex and I live in the Midlands, and also it has to be fitted in around our dogsittiing and her Jewish Festivals.. But I will try to see her in 2014.

Mojisola

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It just seems so ungrateful and insulting to say I don't like anything apart from the red pashmina.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But I will try to see her in 2014.

Wear the pashmina when you do!

seven-day-weekend

Mojisola wrote: »

Wear the pashmina when you do!

Certainly will

Tiddlywinks

On a slightly different subject, have you though about keeping in touch using Facetime or something similar... that way it's cheap because it's over the internet and you get to see each other on the screen.

It actually does feel like a cosy chat once you get used to it. It might make her feel less lonely as it can feel like a visit because you chat face to face and see smiles etc.

seven-day-weekend

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

On a slightly different subject, have you though about keeping in touch using Facetime or something similar... that way it's cheap because it's over the internet and you get to see each other on the screen.

It actually does feel like a cosy chat once you get used to it. It might make her feel less lonely as it can feel like a visit because you chat face to face and see smiles etc.

She doesn't use the computer much because she can't get in a comfortable position to use it, although she is on Facebook, but never logs in. She can only use her wheelchair for a limited period, otherwise she is in bed.

seven-day-weekend

I have sorted through the clothes. I am keeping three items. The Pashmina, a green cardigan which I think will look OK with a summer teeshirt and a little white top. Some of the clothes don't fit (wrong shape), but most are just not 'me'. My husband agrees with me.

I think I will tell her that some don't fit and ask her what she wants me to do with them, otherwise they will go to the local Hospice.