Help with domestic abuse

mummytofour

Hi, I posted on the mortgage bored and they said to come here :-)

It's a long and horrible story of emotional and financial manipulation by my ex. I finally got him to move out if out mortgaged house in October 2012. We then tried again for a few months, then I had my light bulb moment.

Anyway I am now at the stage I need to get the heck out if this house ASAP. He keeps coming and going when he likes and won't leave, it's horrible and I feel trapped. The house is in joint names so I can't change the locks and I'm too weak to get a restraining order. I hate confrontation. I have basically been giving him 80 a week to not live in the house! I pay the mortgage and work full time, which can't carry on I'm on happy pills and in therapy because of everything and need to stop and re build my life.

I have five kids two are disabled on on high rate dla.

The house is up for sale and had been since sep but going nowhere , it needs a few things doing to it but I will not pay as its in joint names and I can't afford everything. I have just had to pay 1500 for roof repairs.

What are my options? I don't want to go bankrupt as I have just paid off my dmp. I have some money I could use for a rent deposit.

I Am aware I need a lawyer and have been in touch with women's aid, I am on the list for a support worker. But I am not prepared to take my kids out of their special schools so need to stay in the area.


I just need to know what I can do. If I rent will I get help with hb while the house is on the market? Plus what happens with the mortgage?

Thanks people xx

DUTR

Sorry for your situation, there is no easy exit and contrary to those that responded in the other thread, emotional abuse etc is equally levied by the female's in a relationship. Trouble is here the more mortgage is a factual thing eg money, and if either of the lenders ensure that the repayments are kept up to date, then the lender can commence reposssesion,this will affect BOTH of you, it's not about he said she said or he did she did.
I have friends that have been through similar, they now have no home but still large debt hanging over them, sorry that's the reality sometimes.

Marisco

I'm not sure of the benefits angle, but I'm sure someone will be along shortly who knows. But the first thing you need to do is get a restraining order against him! Then if he comes anywhere near you or the house, call the police and they'll haul his sorry backside to prison! This will give you some breathing space to think things through properly, without him hovering around.

With 5 kids and special schools etc, you need to think carefully what is best for you and the kids, explore your options, without him hassling you. Seek legal advice re restraining order, and then do it! Good luck

bloolagoon

What benefits do you want advice on? You already claim tax credits.

As people have said before to you, as you own another home (not the marital home) you may not get housing benefits.

Dunroamin

Can't you reduce the price of the house to the point where it will sell? You can sell anything at the right price.

Valli

You know the strength and determination you are using to make sure your kids stay in their schools? Harness some of that strength and apply it to yourself. Get a restraining order then get the locks changed to keep him out under the terms of the RO.

I know it feels like an uphill battle - best of luck with it all.

Mojisola

mummytofour wrote: »

He keeps coming and going when he likes and won't leave, it's horrible and I feel trapped.

I'm too weak to get a restraining order.

I hate confrontation.

Only you can make this change.

Which is worse - getting a restraining order or putting up with him coming whenever he wants?

It's not easy at the moment but things will improve if you can take the next few steps to get him out of your daily life.

You may not feel it but you are doing an incredible job - being a working single parent to five children with two needing extra care would be more than enough for many people. To be able to manage that and cope with the extra stresses of your ex shows how strong you are.

BigAunty

Unfortunately the link to the DWP document I used to provide has been archived and I can't find it anymore. Womens Aid do have benefit advisors.

I've found part of the content of the link but can't verify that it's still up to date. Hopefully another poster will confirm and outline if the capital in the marital home will affect any entitlement to HB in a rental property:-

Property you own but do not occupy [HB Sch 6, HB(SPC) Sch 6; CTB Sch 5, CTB(SPC) Sch 4]

The value of this property is counted as capital but you may be able to get HB/CTB even if the value of the property means that your savings are more than £16,000. This is because the value of the property may be ignored when your savings are worked out, in certain circumstances.
If the property is occupied by an elderly or disabled relative as their home, its value is not taken into account for as long as it is so occupied.
If you have recently acquired the property and you intend to occupy it as your home, its value may not be counted for 26 weeks, or for a longer period if reasonable, from the date you acquired it.
If you are trying to sell the property, its value may not be counted for the first 26 weeks after you start doing this. It may not be counted for longer than this if you are finding it difficult to sell the property.
If you are carrying out essential repairs or alterations so that you can live in the property, its value may not be counted for a period of 26 weeks from the date you first arranged for repairs to be carried out. It may not be counted for longer than this if you are finding it difficult to finish the work.
If you are taking legal action so that you can live in the property, its value may not be counted for the first 26 weeks after you start doing this. It may not be counted for longer than this if legal action is continuing and you cannot live in the property.
If you have left the property after the breakdown of a relationship, and it is occupied by your former partner, its value may not be counted for the first 26 weeks after you left. If the property is occupied by your former partner and they are a lone parent, the property will not be counted for as long as it continues to be so occupied.

BigAunty

Also, do enter your details into the Turn2us online benefit calculator to ensure you are receiving your entitlements. You could use it to model whether or not you would be receive sufficient benefit income to live on should you give up work - how old is your youngest child?

Lone parents are only required to work 16 hours to qualify for working tax credits. AFAIK, lone parents with 5 children tend to receive quite high benefits and there is no requirement for them to seek work if they are Carers for disabled children, they can claim Carers Allowance and earn up to £100 on top of this. The Direct Gov website has information about Carers Allowance. If you experience high child care costs, you may find you are better off being a SAHM, for example.

There is a Support for Mortgage Interest scheme for those on certain types of benefits - again see the Direct Gov website for a link to how this operates. However, I don't know if the joint nature of the property ownership makes accessing SMI more problematic. Also, in future the govt aim to make changes to it to discourage long-term benefit claimants from having their mortgages part paid by the public purse indefinately.

I suspect that you don't want to go down the CSA route or think it will be futile or upset matters?

BigAunty

mummytofour wrote: »

Anyway I am now at the stage I need to get the heck out if this house ASAP. He keeps coming and going when he likes and won't leave, it's horrible and I feel trapped. The house is in joint names so I can't change the locks and I'm too weak to get a restraining order. I hate confrontation.

Do you have any friends or relatives that could live in the property with you to give you a bit of peace of mind? As an owner of the property, I should think you are entitled to have guests there but I don't know the actual legal position on this, it's an assumption.

mummytofour

bloolagoon wrote: »

What benefits do you want advice on? You already claim tax credits.

As people have said before to you, as you own another home (not the marital home) you may not get housing benefits.

And as I have said before as far I understand I do not have any rights to it as it is my dads home. According to him he has the property to live in upon his death it passes to me and he will then pass his half also to me. I wish you would stop stalking me it feels like your out to victimise me and make me into a lier, which I am not. Nor am I out to screw the state. What I am out to do is not have the financial pee taken out of me and to do best by my family and for the first time in my life recognise that I need too ok after myself.

I guess I was wondering if I could rent somewhere when the house is on the market, that way I would feel safe. But then on he other hand he may move back here and I would be screwed. I was with him for almost 20 years I am not some fly by night chav with loads of kids. I have worked very hard for what I have and I will continue to do so. But I won't be bullied or made to feel !!!! by people who have not walked in my shoes.