Maintenance, marital home, new home.. help!

EclipsedMind

When i divorced I thought I would stay single then bumped into miss right and am very happily remarried. My ex went from reasonable to raving nutter around the same time she found out about miss right.

2 years of court to maintain contact with my daughter and countless grief and at the end I am one of the few fathers with a residence order.

It may all work out fine for you but i would again suggest sort out the clean break divorce. Then if you are still good friends why not house share? Makes the childcare easier and reduces your expenses. The house could be on a legal footing with you having a 50/50 share or whatever.

Anyway you have been warned of what could go wrong so best of luck.

EM

chilli_burn

I am very sorry about what happened for you and I have to hope that it will not happen to me.. especially the meeting someone else, I just ant to be alone with my thoughts, time with kids, and time in my garage...

one question, what do you mean by:

EclipsedMind wrote: »

I The house could be on a legal footing with you having a 50/50 share or whatever.

Cally_Smart

Definitely good advice Kelpie.I've been with my husband over 10 years & we did everything the pwc wanted until the teenagers didn't want to do family things etc with us as teenagers naturally do. I thought my husband was being a bit naive after what she had done to him but had to respect his wishes.We have had a nightmare 18 months struggling to repay what we have already paid her because of CSA.I wouldn't wish this stress on anybody. There can be a lot of jealousy when one persons life seems to be going well and the others isn't.
Unless the nrp is self employed,job hops or disappears the pwc is usually treated favourably by the CSA and with the tax credits ,chben ,single parent benefits like free school trips ,school meals can usually manage very well.I was a single parent before there was total disregard of the Child maintenance for benefits and I managed very well and ran a car & took my children on holiday.In all this time I never got a penny from my exhusband in CM. As an nrp you will have to provide a house so your daughter can have her own room and although it's probably the last thing on your mind right now maybe meet someone else and want to live with them.You said you have a good job but if you need to get tax credits etc the CM you pay out is not taken off before you qualify if you see what I mean.If the qualifying child stays in full time education CM can be payable till they are 20 years of age.Start as you mean to go on and it should all work out fine.

Okydoky25

Aside from the money side and apologise if this has been covered but if you have your daughter evenings and weekends and assuming she is at school all day when will you wife actually see her?

chilli_burn

Hi Okydoky,


fair question as it does look like that doesn't it. ex-wife works evenings and weekends as a teacher (and some mornings etc.). where I work days and can work from home some times.. (more regular in the new world)

The schedule as far as i see it...

Monday - mum has kid AM, does school run. picks up kid PM and keeps till evening. 6pm i pick up kid and take to mine for snugles and sleep
Tuesday - dad drops kid at mums at 7am for school run, dad goes to work. mum picks up from school PM and keeps to 6pm. dad picks up at 6pm- repeat Monday routine
Weds - dad does school run, work from home, pick up kid form school, drop off at Mum at 6pm for bed
Thursday - mum does school run both AM and PM. I pick up kid at 6pm and take to mine.
Friday - Dad drop kid of at mum for school run. Dad pick up kid from mums at 6pm
Saturday - dad has quality time with kid. afternoon / evening, will be a weekend by weekend decision.
Sunday morning/afternoon - kid does to Mum for quality time before it starts again

Holidays I expect this to be all mixed up, mum will keep kid a bit more and let me catch up on office time... apart from me taking lengths of time off allowing mum to travel-write

caveats: Mother in law might do the Wednesday school pick up sometimes
Step-son might do Thursday evening bed time at mums house on occasion

what do u think?

Okydoky25

1stly I would say that seems like a lot of movement and disruption for such a young girl on top of her parents separation.

2nd how far are you planning to live from your Ex? To drop your daughter off for 7am that's going to be an early wake up? She and you will be doing a lot of car journeys all week as well.

A day in the life of your daughter. Get up, get in car go to mum, get in car go to school, picked up from school, picked up from home back to dads, bed. (Fitting in breakfast & dinner somewhere) that's a lot to ask of a six year old I think.

chilli_burn

hi Okydoky

I agree, but I am not sure I have many options... that said, i am pleased u have said it as it does look a but nuts so I need to think about it some more.... in the end I expect there will be a lot of flexibility in this...

for example, possibly on Thursdays, I will no be taking her at all, I will just mind her at her Mums house while mum works for a couple of hours

On the days I was planning on dropping at 7am, I might actually be able to do the school run instead so there is a lot less messing about for her on those days, and Mum will love the lie-in

I totally see you point, but the unless the ex can get a different job, or we bring in child care, I am just not sure what options we will have

I am going to be 15 mins away in my new house (assuming that is the one I buy).. which is far enough at 7am u r right... but will have to keep that it a minimum...

note that holiday season will be a different game altogether

When_the_going_gets_tough

Op you are trying so hard to be fair but I would recommend taking advice as others have suggested. Also you are keen to help your step son but I do not think you have any requirement in law to support him financially. Just a thought. The better this is tied up at the beginning the less can go wrong later perhaps? Good luck

chilli_burn

thank you... I got a reply from FNFNI but could not get through on phone. will have to pick it up officially next week.

I am viewing a house tomorrow nearby and am hoping I can move on it. I really want to get a schedule of movement put together so we can bring everyone in on what's happening.

I agree that some of this will be hard for the kids, maybe until they get older (i.e. the little one hits grammar school) but I want to do s much as possible to keep our current routine going, the difference is, it will be between 2 houses rather than on

Csa_Survivor

Hi chilli-burn, I am going to be brutally honest here, please please please go for a clean break here, seriously, there is nothing to stop you contributing more later on if you so wish, but at least it will be your own choice, cut absolutely all ties as quickly as you can financially because you are just setting yourself up to be shafted left, right and centre further down the line trust me, forget how well you may think you get on now ( don't forget your ex is desperate to stay in the house so its in her interests to be nice.....FOR NOW! ) because that will quite possibly mean diddley squat 6 months from now, but it will be too late then if you tie yourself in legally paying for things for her! Seriously, I know you want to do in your own mind what you consider the right thing but please only hand over what you have to and not a single penny more, keep control of all your assets and then it is your own freewill to pay for extras that are not your responsibility later!
You mention that you are fairly comfortable but life changes, I am sure I don't need to tell you that, you seem a clever bloke but there are obviously things niggling you, and there should be!!!. Are you comfortable enough to afford court costs for access if your ex turns funny a couple of weeks after you sign things over to her, it cost between 4-5k for myself! Are you comfortable enough to cope with the incompetency of the CSA, when a few years down the road they magically pluck figures out of the air saying you owe arrears when you don't! Would you be able to survive while they are deducting money from you wrongly until their errors are corrected, it all needs thinking about! Are you comfortable to survive if you become unemployed for whatever reason, even if you are self employed there is nothing to say you may not have an accident or become unwell that could affect your ability to earn a living. And, don't forget you will be a single bloke so don't expect any kind of help as you are looked at as something on the bottom of your shoe as far as government help is concerned! I wish you well and hope you get sorted as well as you can in a situation such as your own but I repeat, please please please, only pay your child support, anything else you legally have to and not one penny more, you appear to have rose tinted spectacles on at the moment which shows you are a good bloke, just don't be a fool!
Regards