Maintenance, marital home, new home.. help!

chilli_burn

Hiall



Notsure if this is the right place, but I am basically trying to work out how bestto approach my journey through separation. I have not sought legal representation yet, I was hoping to geteverything ready first before going down that route… as I am not a fan of them. It is a very friendly separation (I hope) and Iexpect there to be zero arguments over assets etc… I want to be fair.



Ihave been fed 2 horror stories so far about how it all went wrong because thebloke was too nice or too easy on the divorce. because of this, I was hoping tomake sure there are no loopholes I need to be aware of in terms of making sure Ihave maintenance sorted especially regarding the homes….



- oneHorror story was about the CSA getting involved 10 years after the event andtrying to take back money that was not due.

- 2ndHorror story was about being a friendly divorce, only for the ex-wife 2-3 yearslater deciding she could not see the Ex any more for child access, so movedaway and denied any access to the kids. the fella killed himself over it



Iwant to avoid both of these of course, but I would also like to keep this outof the courts as much as possible.. (DIY divorce as much as possible)



Ihave been told I am being too nice and I do agree to a point. but if I canarrange it do that I am comfortable, and so that she is comfortable, then I seeno reason why there should be any nastiness. what I have had pointed out to me,is that people change and hence I need to aware of the future.



rawfacts:



1x step-son (not adopted t me or anything so legally no tie I think). age 17,25% through a-levels

1x daughter (biologically mine). aged 6-7



Weown a house with NO equity (outstanding mortgage is worth about the same as thecurrent market value)



Wifeworks 17 hours a week (plus some informal work), earns ok wage but would betopped up by benefits when out on her own to around 400 a week (I think)



wehave no need for childcare costs due to her working evenings and weekends, andme working days



Theplan is for me to have the younger child 4+ nights a week, including most ofthe weekend. However, Wife would be marked as primary care (for sake of benefitsetc.)



Iwould like to sign the mortgage over to the wife and the house, it becomes allhers, mortgage and all. It is quite big payments, but on budget planning itlooks doable (not sure if the banks will agree)



Iwould like to do this all out of court with an agreement, a legally bindingdocument that describes what we are doing, and have agreed to. including



1.dad gets 4 nights a week, wife can not take kids away etc (move away somewhere)

2.Dad will pay for CSA estimated maintenance and also pay for child incidentals(uniforms, club fees, school fees, travel etc)

3.house goes over to wife to be funded by her and her alone

4.maybe something about the assets in the house, but I am going to give hereverything, I will just start again

5.I will have to get myself a new home L



whatam I missing? how could this all go wrong in the future? my friends are tellingme that I am being too nice, and thinking too short term... There stories arebased around the laws years ago but there has been a lot of change over theyears. also, I am in northern Ireland to make things a little more complicated…



doI have to pay her mortgage as well as my own new one? That would seem very unfair…



Basically,my primary focus here is making sure kids are safe and looked after, and makingsure that my ex-wife is OK (even though the divorce is due to her actions – I amjust a door mat I guess)

also, when can I by a new home for me, should I con the system and buy one now as a couple, and then I just live it in and then instigate the separation? (we are still in the original house together)

thoughts?

Cally_Smart

It is a minefield you are right to get everything legally sorted out.The pwc(parent with care) can change when you get a new partner & move on with your life.If you have a look over my posts it might give you an idea of how the pwc can change despite everything going along happily for years! We were having the children every weekend ,buying uniforms etc taking them on holiday.Now she has alienated them all & we have no contact despite living less than 100 yrds away from them. You will not be able like us to get another mortgage while tied up with this one and will have to rent at considerably more like us. You pay CSA and she has to pay mortgage out of that but if she doesn't it could end up having it repossessed and wont be able to get another one! You are jointly & severally liable for the debt & if she doesn't pay they will chase you for it .Don't get into debt with CSA work it out on their calculator and pay or put it away till needed because they can take up to 40% of your wage by DEO if necessary if you are in arrears to them and is is almost impossible to manage to live on what's left! You seem to be putting the children first and that's the main thing.

cte1111

How much is outstanding on your mortgage? Given that your wife only works part time, I fear that the bank might not be that keen on giving her a mortgage in her name only. As there is no equity, you might both be best off selling the house and starting afresh separately.

You really do need to see a solicitor. We can all have an opinion and evidently some of your friends have come up with some good scare stories but the person who can give you the proper advice and help is likely to be a paid professional.

HoneyNutLoop

As far as I know the only real way to get all of those points into a legally binding document is to get it into a court stamped consent order. However, if this is wrong I am sure others will be along shortly to correct me.

This website:http://www.cmoptions.org/en/separating/index.asp gives info about separation including child maintenance, has a web app that can give more tailored advice depending on what you need and referrals to other organisations that may be able to help.

Could it all go wrong in the future? Well, yes. There is nothing you can do in life to assure an entirely positive outcome in every hypothetical scenario; that isn't just confined to separation. But starting out amicably is a good start. Recognising that changes in life circumstances can cause bumps along the way is a realistic view and how you both deal with those bumps will inform the outcome.

Do you have to pay her mortgage as well as your own? Only if you agree to this or are instructed to by virtue of a court order, or remain named on the mortgage and don't want to tank your credit.

Should you con the system and buy another house as a couple and then separate? What do you mean by the system? The mortgage company? You already worry that the bank may not let your wife take on the first mortgage by herself. Then you are stuck named and responsible for servicing both mortgages. Seems risky to me. Probably worth getting professional advice on that score.

chilli_burn

thanks guys, great to get quick replies... I will try and answer the replied questions:

deffo children have to be sorted. they are priority one, then making sure the ex-wife is sorted is priority 2, then it is trying to make sure I can more on. I honestly would go for primary care status as they would be better off with me (I assure you this is true), but I know she will get no benefits then so would be in a state... and I would need a lot of childcare...


how much is left on mortgage? a lot... using the mortgage calculators, she wold generally NOT be allowed this size of a mortgage so I am not sure what can happen here...


do I want to take the credit out of the house? unfortunately there is none... it is about even-equity. I am sure if I threw a load of work and money into this house we cold make it sellable.. but a lot of work, it is in a state...


What do you mean by the system? I guess "con" is a silly word. I basically want to move out as quick as possible and get this show on the road... I want the kids to not have to live in limbo. therefore, rather than take up a rental agreement, and being that the housing market I at rock bottom in NI, now wold be a great time to buy... the problem is, it would be a couple buying a second home... though I could get it in my own name very easily, mortgage companies are already offering me more than I need... I just want out of this house as being together in the same house is hard after the separation


can she start to claim benefits even though we r in the same house as if she is single? how does this work?

Ms_Chocaholic

Your ex won't be able to take over the mortgage if she is only working 17 hours per week. Is there an option for you to remain in the house and for her to move out with the children and rent.

chilli_burn

She really does not want to... She is scared to move, too much change and i think the kids would be much happier with mum and them in this house

I guess only option is for us to keep house in both names and share payments and just sell it when she is ready and market recovers..

Marisco

Would she be willing to have you pay the mortgage in lieu of maintenance? Unless you earn very good money, you'll find it next to impossible to pay the mortgage, maintenance and live yourself. My oh's ex expected him to do that, which wasn't possible as he ddin't earn a good wage, and the soft stuff hit the fan when he refused.

chilli_burn

Hi there

I earn a pretty good wage, and I am pretty strict on finances so I pretty much now exactly what goes in and what goes out... I could just about afford an average new mortgage o a house for me alone, and then part-pay her mortgage on the old house... if I did the mortgage in-lieu of maintenance, I guess that would be an option...


I have worked out that without the mortgage:

- I pay £264 per month maintenance (including the step son)
- I pay £136 per month for incidentals (uniforms, shoes, clubs, pocket money, fees)

on paper, if she gets the £950 per month of benefits, then she can actually afford the mortgage but it would be a little tight. if I paid half her mortgage and retained share of the equity (should the market recover), then she would be very well off each month with a ton of flexible income

if I paid half the mortgage until it was sold (whether that be in 1 year or 5 years), we could put in an agreement that I get half the equity.. though I expect this is a massive risk against me, i.e. what if she meets some idiot in the next few years and he moves into the house I am paying for and stirs up all manner of badness. right now, we expect to remain very close friends, but time changes people..

my biggest financial problem right now is how to get a deposit to get any sort of an interest rate on a new house for me so I can get out.... but that's my problem, not hers...

how soon can she start to claim single parent benefit? do I start this now?

Mojisola

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Your ex won't be able to take over the mortgage if she is only working 17 hours per week. Is there an option for you to remain in the house and for her to move out with the children and rent.

This sounds like the most sensible compromise as long as you will be able to afford the mortgage as well as paying CM.

After a relationship split, things have to happen that those involved aren't happy with.

Even if she signs paperwork to say that she won't move away with the children, I don't think that will stand up if she actually does go.

chilli_burn

I just don't think I can do it.,.. I can not force her out o the house, no matter what has happened in the past.

It looks to me like, if I can not get her to leave this house (as PWC, I think she has the right to demand she stays in the marital home anyway until the last child is 18 - I might have read that wrong but I think I saw it somewhere), then my only affordable options are:

1. pay half monthly and retain half ownership of home (still risky, but less so I think)
2. pay higher maintenance but put house in her name and let her deal with it (more risky for me I think)



On the mortgage websites I put in the details of what I owe, and earn etc, I can get a small mortgage on another property even if we were still in this house together not separated... but of course owning 2 houses, is a very different financial commitment that "running" 2 houses..

I would like to get out of this town to be honest and get away from her family... only up the road, but I do want out. I initially was trying for what the suggestion was here, I.e wife move out into new place, but I could see she was never going to move and then I started to think about remaining in this town and everyone knowing everyone...