Finding a partner was easier 'back in the day' - discuss

Any

Hermia wrote: »

My mum left school in the 1950s and said pretty much all her peers were married in their 20s. But, she said there really wasn't much else to do. Girls from her background just didn't go to university, have careers or live on their own. Unless the wanted to be an old maid stuck at home you got married. She said it was similar with the boys. Boys from her background did not go away to university and they didn't learn to look after themselves. So if they wanted hot meals, their washing done and sex they married! They obviously weren't all happy marriages though.

Tixy wrote: »

I also think people in general are more choosy/particular now and less willing to 'settle' with someone they don't feel is perfect. In general we have higher expectations and are less willing to compromise because its more common and socially accepted to remain single.

I think those 2 posts completely explain my opinion.
In the old days girls kind of "needed" to get married so were looking actively and often accepted first offer, whether it was suitable or whether they had doubts.
Lots of marriages of old times were very unhappy, men cheating, women sitting at home unhappy and in the worst areas lots of drinking and beating going on, or sometimes with the woman actually pulling most work but men thinking they are the head of the family and they wear the pants:-)

I cannot imagine living in age like that. I would not be happy uneducated housewife. I am too independent thinking:)
But perhaps that is what the oppotunities given to me made of me..

Brighton_belle

Any wrote: »

Lots of marriages of old times were very unhappy, men cheating, women sitting at home unhappy and in the worst areas lots of drinking and beating going on, or sometimes with the woman actually pulling most work but men thinking they are the head of the family and they wear the pants:-)

I would say some marriages were unhappy (for the reasons you suggest) rather than lots, if I think of my parents and grandparents generation that I actually knew.

CC-Warrior

Thanks for all of your replies.

Errata

Have loads of friends, go to loads of pubs with them and meet loads of new people there. A strategy that's pretty been effective for at least the last 75 years.

littlemiss_pretty

Looking at it from my point of view and my friends it is actually very hard meeting someone decent. I have had string of failed relationships throughout my 20's and I met them all online as I was never asked out by someone otherwise and I am too shy to approach someone myself. Same with my friends.

But what is even harder for me that I can only date or marry someone from prticular cultural background and religion. I have just turned 30 and the pressure to find that special someone is increasing. I don't know what it was like back in the days but these days it is hard to find someone decent and I do agree that people (including myself) have certain expectations (not high).

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

littlemiss_pretty wrote: »

Looking at it from my point of view and my friends it is actually very hard meeting someone decent. I have had string of failed relationships throughout my 20's and I met them all online as I was never asked out by someone otherwise and I am too shy to approach someone myself. Same with my friends.

But what is even harder for me that I can only date or marry someone from prticular cultural background and religion. I have just turned 30 and the pressure to find that special someone is increasing. I don't know what it was like back in the days but these days it is hard to find someone decent and I do agree that people (including myself) have certain expectations (not high).

I wouldn't say it's a lost cause - one of my mates met her husband waiting for a bus outside her workplace. Turned out he had exactly the 'right' cultural and religious background; but most importantly, they fell in love. And all because her new shoes were hurting too much for her to walk to the tube station that evening.

thriftylass

I believe in not looking, and you'll find. I gave up "looking" when I was 26, believing I'll die an old spinster, moved abroad (here) and met the man I'll marry next year now 10 years ago at a party where I only new one work colleague. So probably a combination of new circle of friends, new found confidence because no-one knew me and I could be myself. It totally depends on your nature. My grandparents met at a tea dance, my parents met at work, I met OH at a party. Some friends met through dating sites and will marry soon too. I think there are actually more options nowadays if you don't have a chance to meet many new people (i.e. your circle of friends and colleagues is fixed).

Lunar_Eclipse

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Would you say that finding a partner was easier 'back in the day'?

To the parents with offspring in their late teens/early twenties - what advice do you give?

What are your thoughts?

I don't think it was easier, although people might not have been as fussy as they are now. I think increased disposable income and a vast array of available leisure activities has opened up a wealth of opportunity to meet (like minded) people that didn't happen as much back in the day. I think it can be much easier today.

The advice I would give is the same to anyone, regardless of age. Don't look for love or wait for it happen. Get on with your life, filling it with as much enjoyment and happy/positive experiences as possible, keeping a gracious attitude and one day love will find you. Happiness attracts happiness and misery attracts misery.

duchy

Any wrote: »

I think those 2 posts completely explain my opinion.
In the old days girls kind of "needed" to get married so were looking actively and often accepted first offer, whether it was suitable or whether they had doubts.
Lots of marriages of old times were very unhappy, men cheating, women sitting at home unhappy and in the worst areas lots of drinking and beating going on, or sometimes with the woman actually pulling most work but men thinking they are the head of the family and they wear the pants:-)

I cannot imagine living in age like that. I would not be happy uneducated housewife. I am too independent thinking:)
But perhaps that is what the oppotunities given to me made of me..

And this doesn't describe Britain today ?????
All those things you mention still go on.

zaksmum

When I was a teenager a lot of my mates deliberately became pregnant so they boyfriend would "have" to marry them.

It was common for our parents to mutter darkly in a young person's direction...see him/her? They HAD to get married...!!