Can anyone help me - good advice / motivation needed

Edinburgh65

Good idea. You can also download apps for this, and lots of them are free. I have ones for rain, seas, forests etc.

BigAunty

I-Want-To-Move wrote: »

I do need to live more frugally! I'm useless at that. I spend money on things I can't afford ...I'm a single parent (ex did a runner when I had our child) so financially I'm the only provider and I don't want my child to miss out on anything in life just because I'm on my own so although I hate to admit this, I rarely say no when it comes to opportunities for days out, paydates, lunches etc.

Go to the Old Style board for inspiration on how to live ultra thriftily. Do give that MSE budget planner a try - don't just fill it in but use it to trim your costs, establish a budget (including a small amount for child treats) and stick to it. Plan your budget, then work your plan. They will be able to suggest how to have play dates for next to nothing, cheap fun days out and how to curb your lady who lunches habit.

There's a website called Stikk.com that helps people to stick to their promises and achieve their aims so that might help your self discipline.

It is daft to get yourself into debt trying to spoil your kid but I'm not sure how you can teach one to be grateful for what they have if you feel so guilty and you are both bombarded with messages about spending and consumption. Time to work on your will power and accept that kids become resilient by learning that they can't always get their way.

EDIT - I know you have poo-poo'd the CSA which has valid reputation issues. However, you are in debt and your ex is obliged to pay up to 15% of his net income to you. The CSA is being replaced by a new model of dealing with child maintenance, have a look into it to see if this might be better. What is the reason why you have not been able to secure child support (apart from the evident reluctance of the non resident parent to pay for things like shoes for his child?).

Davesnave

I once lost a sale on a house because of a deaf old granny with a raging TV next door. Her son claimed he could do nothing, but when it became apparent that his Mum had cost me £££, a hearing loop went in almost overnight.

Result, a very pleased old lady who could hear her TV properly, though not a return of my buyer.

Loops might not work for everyone, but they aren't mega-expensive.


EDIT: Just read other parts of the thread. Remember that one day your child may go to university. If they do, and they've been taught a bit of monetary discipline and experienced frugality, financial management comes easier. This is not what I say, but what my daughters report, having watched others struggle and get into all kinds of bother.

patman99

Have you thought about using crowdfunding sites to raise funds to help you clear your debts.

Most of them allow personal requests. I am trying the crowdfunding route in order to raise funds for a business start-up & for debt help.

Dave_the_Ginger_Cat

I remember a TV documentary about similar circumstances

They got the council's noise team involved, and the end result was that they paid a home visit and arranged for the person with the noisy TV to have a hearing aid fitted.

Now I know it's not all as rosy as TV documentaries, but might be worth a shot

I-Want-To-Move

Hi to everyone who has responded. I will reply cumulatively.

Thinking of this soundproofing and noticed my internal doors are all slap bang next to the internal wall so not sure how that would work without having to move the door frames on the other walls.

Re the hard of hearing neighbour, they have a hearing aid, it's just obviously not very good or they just like their tv loud. I did suggest those headphone thingys that you can get to listen to the tv wirelessly but they shrugged the idea away.

To be fair to them before it was ridiculous, you could hear the TV down the bottom of the street and it was 1am - how the hell they thought that was ok was beyond me but after suffering in silence for over a year and finally saying something they have reduced the sound level. Before I could hear word for word what was happening in the film (and it was never a film i liked - i'm not in to action films!!) even though I was upstairs and they were downstairs in their house, now it is just a background noise but it is constant. Instead of thinking phew its better now, I've become really frustrated and irritated at listening to the goings on next door. Will try the background ambient sound of my own.

Wonder what the laws are on appropriate sound levels, not thought of that. Too busy trying to not make anyone fall out with me.

I hadn't lived in a terraced house before this one so wasn't aware how thin the walls were. Sometimes you hear very little of other people then other days it's like we are in the same room - if they sneeze I feel like saying back to them 'bless you'!!! Because of this, although I do think they have their tv on louder than is appropriate I don't think it is at a really unacceptable level anymore if you understand what I mean, its simply annoying. I have the idea in my head that a semi detached property means I can't hear everyday noise from next door because growing up and at other people's houses I hear nothing from their neighbours.

Edinburgh65 - I will keep what you say in mind, fingers crossed eh as I am currently listening to next door's music.... neighbours other side...

I just want a house where when i shut the front door i am not listening to whatever next door are doing.....not their tv, not their music, nothing, just silence. I could live with everything else.

Off to look at the budgeting/frugal living info

Oh CSA question - 'not' working according to the Inland Revenue so the CSA do nothing. I asked if they would force them to claim job seekers allowance - it means you get £2.50 per week maintenance which i know is pointless but it also means they are essentially committing benefit fraud so should push them in to declaring to the Inland Revenue the fact they are in fact self employed but CSA say they can do nothing. All I can say is I wish I could live such a comfortable lifestyle while 'not' working.....that personal trainer wouldn't go amiss, i've put on a few pounds (and the rest) this year. Comfort eating is my hobby.