How can I inject some fun back into my life?

Tiglath

At the moment it's a work-sleep-work roundabout; typically I work a 12-14 hour day in banking and am exhausted in the evenings but am also studying for exams until Spring. I don't think the work will get any easier because I'm covering my boss's maternity leave from next January to August. I don't tend to do much at the weekends either, mainly because all my friends have moved away; there's one who still lives locally but our timetables don't really reconcile enough to say do things in the gym together. DH is involved with external stuff which doesn't interest me, but I can't work out how I've let all the things I used to enjoy slip away over the past 15 years and am just left with drudgery. I had a strange dream in the middle of the night which kind of brought it all to a head and kept me awake for a couple of hours, so it's something that needs addressing. Perhaps it's a pre-menopausal message from my subconscious. Any suggestions on how I can put some fun and enjoyment and 'me time' back? I used to enjoy singing in a choir but work is so chaotic with no notice of the next crisis it would be hard to commit to evening rehearsals etc. Trying to figure it out.

fluffnutter

No one should work a 14 hour day. Ridiculous. Talk to them about your workload. You'll clearly already overworked so how is expecting you to cover someone else going to help? They should be employing someone to replace your boss during her maternity leave or replace you whilst you step up, not expect one person to do two people's jobs. Bloody penny pinching shysters.

Tackle one thing at a time. No wonder you feel like you have no fun - you're exhausted. Reduce you workload and take it from there. Planning more 'fun' when you're already tired will just put extra pressure on yourself when what you need is to sleep probably!

Toto

What things did you used to enjoy that you're missing now? Is it just the choir or are there other things. Is there something that can be slotted into the weekend?


Realistically if you're working 12-14 hours a day and studying there is going to be very little time during the week to do anything other than sleep and work. I think there is a strong chance that this feeling is more to do with exhaustion than menopause, you are on course to burn yourself out working all of these hours. If something has to give in your life perhaps approaching work to reduce your stress and workload would be the best thing.

Cottage_Economy

What did you used to do for fun? Make a list and pick one thing on there that gets you excited.Rather than try and cram something in at the weekend in between catching up on sleep and household chores, start by fitting in one evening a week instead. Mondays or Tuesdays are usually the best days as you may be a bit more refreshed after the weekend and will have higher energy levels than at the end of the week. That's what I do anyway when my working hours go nuts. I don't bother stressing myself out by feeling I must do something at the weekend. I find that thinking makes me more stressed!

nlj1520

I have a close friend who was on the same treadmill until recently. She decided that she was going to ditch the career, work part time, and spend the remaining time doing things she enjoyed......in her case this included going to the opera and theatre, playing tennis and various walking/hiking/climbing type of activities. She made it a project to ensure that each month she did one from each of these groups of activities. Now she was a lady of independent means so this was achievable. However even if you cannot do anything so drastic, you could still force yourself to do one thing a week that you really enjoy. Even if it is settling into a hot bath with a cup of tea/glass of wine and candles and a book.
As you are so mentally exhausted I would suggest that the gym or another form of exercise might be a huge stress reliever and energy giver. As you are so horribly busy probably just once a week might be achievable?
Also I have found that taking time to notice small beautiful things around me helps. Flowers, raindrops, the reflections in windows, the smell of baked bread that sort of thing. when you come across one, just pause and notice it and let yourself enjoy it. I know it's not rip-roaring fun, but it helps me to feel gald to be alive.
Hopefully the stupid hours of work will reduce, and then you can set bigger goals to pursue hobbies.
Good luck with getting the balance back. Work is great if you enjoy it, but the hours you are doing are horrendous and to me would not be worth ANY salary, no matter how good!

sacha28

I kind of feel the same. I work 13 hour nights and when they've finished I have my gorgeous little whirlwind. I haven't been out since I was about 5 months pregnant (my boy is nearly 2 now!) and my life feels suffocating.

Then something amazing happened last friday.........some random woman knocked on my door and started talking about a new class that she's started. The more I listened, the more interested I became and found myself joining a KARATE CLUB:rotfl::rotfl:

At nearly 32 I thought I was way beyond that but it's awesome and it's one evening a week that I get to do something FOR ME :j

DigForVictory

Please, try to get your workplace to be reasonable.
Make one extra hour of sleep a week (to start with!) your ambition.

It's tricky spotting an emerging crocus in the dark on your way into work (I should know, I both planted them several months ago & stepped on something this morning, oops!) but spend a minute or two here https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2039611

We can advise on list of fun things, (regression hypnotherapy if youre too tired to remember?!) but unless you get work sorted, all bets are staying in mid-air, along with hopes, dreams, schemes etc.

Prothet_of_Doom

Tiglath wrote: »

I work a 12-14 hour day

am exhausted

am also studying for exams until Spring.

I'm covering my boss's maternity leave from next January to August.

I don't tend to do much at the weekends either, mainly

DH is involved with external stuff which doesn't interest me,

I can't work out how I've let all the things I used to enjoy slip away over the past 15 years and am just left with drudgery.

I had a strange dream

. Any suggestions on how I can put some fun and enjoyment and 'me time' back?


Trying to figure it out.

I've left only the relevant points.

So you work what? 60 hour weeks? plus a commute ? plus study ?

Yes you will be tired. Do you get paid for the extra hours or is it just "custom and practise"

Because you are tired YOU will never figure it out.

1) You need to start cutting back on the hours. Now I could run a days training session for people who waste time and energy at work, through their own or the companies poor systems. Basically if you do a 15 minute time diary, and write down what you doing exactly at 15 mins (use the stop watch on your phone) Do a log in a note book, column headed time, activity, Adding Value, Not adding Value, Waste, and ideas for improvement. If my timer went off, now, i'd have to put "wasting time on tinternet, when I should be writing a procedure, waste, and could be improved by stop not using the internet.
In my humble experience (and it may not be true) most people waste 30% of the day. The only people that don't are part time mothers, returning after a birth, who actually do as much in 3 hours as the rest of us do in 6. :rotfl:

2) You need to have a clear and frank discussion with your boss, about getting 2 temps to delegate to in her absence. If she's working 10 hour days and you are working 10 hour days, then that's 3 peoples work.

3) You need to concentrate on the exams now, and give yourself a firm target of signing up for something within 2 weeks of the last exam. Don't get side tracked. Yes your life is dull and tedious, but the passing of exams is more important.

Fun, Excitement ? book a day at alton towers ? :rotfl: Have a day off with your husband. :jPretend to be 15 again. :rotfl:

Errata

Sounds like you're putting your career before your social life, only you can know if that's right for you and only you can change the balance.

Mr_Toad

I can sympathise as it isn't uncommon.

First thing is the work life balance. Are you working the hours because you're paid to?

Or, are you doing it unpaid and unasked because you think it'll advance your career?

If the latter I'd slowly stop doing it and if the workload is more than you can do in a normal day you need to start turning stuff back by asking the boss what they'd like you to stop doing so you can deal with the new crisis. They might not like it but they do get used to it.

Voyager2002

Are you in a union?

That is surely the first step: until your working hours become limited and predictable, nothing else will work.