What next

sadkipper

I have a had a really bad 18 months. First my husband left me very unexpectedly after 15 years together, he did it in a very destructive way that meant there was no going back. A few months later my step dad had a serious stroke, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my mother in law was found to have pancreatic cancer. I had a tough few months, my husband was in a new relationship and was being very aggressive towards me about the house etc. i just tried to keep it together. I don't have many close friends, I had spent years focusing on my husband and travelling for work so suddenly I found myself alone.

In march this year I noticed a lump and was quickly diagnosed with breast cancer that had spread to my lymph nodes. I was pretty shocked. I agreed to start with chemo but unfortunately my dad died a couple of days before the start meaning I was a complete mess.


In the end chemo was ok, no hair etc but I managed to work most of the time. I am now a week post surgery after having a therapeutic mammoplasty and for the first time some good news. He has managed to remove all the cancer and the lymph node spread is not too bad. I need radiotherapy and some more surgery but the light at the end of the tunnel is blinding me!

How do I rebuild my life after this, not just meeting men but meeting other people, I feel like a beaten puppy who has no trust or hope but I know I need to change this, I just don't where to start. To add to complications I was widowed at 33 and am an amputee following a car accident in my 20s so have a bit of baggage. I am now 53 feeling 35 and unbelievably scared, but if I have been given a chance at life surely I should take it?

How do you start again, my sister keeps telling me to do pottery classes but I am sure it's not that easy?

meritaten

well - throwing some pots can be therapeutic - but, haven't you had any support from any cancer charity or support groups? such as macmillan? Have you gone through all that without ANY support?

maman

No advice really but delighted to hear you're feeling 35!!!

Admire you hugely, you'll get there with that attitude whether it's by throwing pots or otherwise.;)

Corelli

Sheeeeeet, you've been through a lot. If pottery appeals, go for it. Squidging slurpy oozy clay can be nice ... and you'll be in a group of people doing stuff together. If you have old interests to revive, why not see what you can do in those fields?

Have you seen this website? http://uk.meetup.com/ All sorts of interesting sctivities get orgnised through it and is a good way of meeting people.

I hope your health and life generally can start improving now.

dawn2dusk

You have had a traumatic time. well done for getting through them, with not much support. Small steps each day. Pm me if you want. Had a traumatic year. do not want to go a forum and everyone know.

Saturnalia

Aww love, you've really been through the wars. And come out the other side a winner!

Hope this is the end of all the bad stuff and the start of a brilliant new life for you.

Corelli's suggestion to join Meetup is a great one. It's really designed for people new-in-town or looking to make friends, so it's expected that most people will come on their own not knowing anyone, and it is natural there to talk to strangers. I'm very shy but found Meetup events to be a very friendly, encouraging environment.

Of course, if you like the sound of the pottery class, give it a go! Or take a look at other Adult Education facilities locally, some have all kinds of subjects on offer.

I don't know what it is like where you live, but sometimes the cafes/pubs will have notices up about events on locally. Or the local free newspaper. Or if you are an Facebook, look for a local residents' group.

Good luck, I hope you have loads of fun finding out what's out there!

FBaby

Your thread brought tears in my eyes. What an accumulation of challenges, sadness and fear. So pleased you can now start to focus again on the positives in life.

I suppose you are now in a very different mindset that you were before all this has happened, more humbled (unless you were already before, most are not). I would say focus on anything you might have thought you could do at times, but didn't because you were too busy, too worried about money, too concerned that you couldn't do so as a wife etc... depending on what it is you enjoy. Helping others, going on a painting retreat, going on single holidays, training to run a marathon etc... Whatever it is, go for it.

puppypants

Flippin' 'eck, Kipps. Have a (((HUG))) from me! xx

There_Goes_Trouble

Had to post to say I'm in total awe and admiration of your positivity after everything life has thrown at you!! You're amazing and I have no doubt you'll get out there and be making new friends soon enough.

Nothing new to suggest really, evening classes, clubs, groups, meetup, spice..... Basically if you want to meet people then you have to get out of the house.

What I have learned over the years is that friendships form over time, so if you don't meet people straight away then don't give up.

Any chance of re-connecting with old friends who you were once close to? I tracked down some old college friends some years ago after no contact for ten years (pre- FaceBook era) and we became close again and are still good friends now.

Goldiegirl

Just one of the things that you've been through would be classed as a stressful life event...... But to get through all those things in such a short period of time AND to come out the other side feeling that you want to build a new future.... I take my hat off to you !

Just wondering if there's an interests that you have, or a pass time that you'd like to take up?

Shortly after my dad died I took up family history - it's very absorbing so you don't have to think about other aspects of your life unless you want to, and there are family history society's were you can get together with like minded people.

Maybe a shared interest with new people will help you move forward.

Whatever you decide to do, my very best wishes to you.

ceecee1

I was about to say try to see if there is something on meet up but already suggested.

I got myself into an awful rut after getting divorced and woke up to the realisation that I had absolutely no friends. It took a few times of giving myself a good talking too but finally got around to joining a couple of groups near me.

Met some lovely people - its surprising how many people are in the same boat to be honest. I can choose what I want to do, the more I turn up the more I am making friends. Not got to the stage where we contact each other outside the meetings yet but people at work say that I have a better social life than anyone they know.

Give it a go, there might be something that takes your fancy