Freecycle

aceyjill

welshdeedee wrote: »

I see another wanted ad for a long ladder!

he needs it to feed the giraffes

aceyjill

wanted - chainsaw boots size 9
wore mine to glastonbury and they are now ruined!

don't ask. maybe it was his job to collect the firewood

cheekyweegit

Coffee and biscuit spraying alert - please move any liquids / sprayable items from your presence before proceeding! Thank you. You have been warned.


I just had to post this ad from gumtree. Read on and you will know why!

: , : , : , : , : , : , : , : , : , : Scummy Housemate Wanted for Medieval Cesspit


Sick of fart-stained rooms in comedy hovels full of knuckle-dragging proles who smell of wet dog and think hygiene is a greeting? Well, see if this chokes yer goat:

. "Post-modern sh!tpit with comedy decor and a landlord with the morals of a crack wh0re. The smell of yak p!ss is a prominent feature and dogturd-thru-letterbox service also available (sometimes they even post the dog). The house is a weeping sore on the ars*hole of architecture, and the neighbours are a bunch of uncle-f****ers. The locals have club feet, stink, and display the simple-minded savagery common to centuries of inbreeding." TEMPTED?


NOT REALLY!...
- Large room, funky friendly house, sunny Ealing. Bright 'n' spacious, with double bed and loadsa storage space (apparently chicks dig that cos of all the shoes they own).
- House: 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen (all mod cons), lounge, back-yard, barbed-wire fence, gun turrets, personal security force, laser-fitted Rottweilers, and Lear jet.
- Area: Nice n leafy, with easy access to shops, cafes, more whine-bars than even I can get thrown out of, Ealing Broadway (Central and District lines, British Rail) and South Ealing tubes (Picadilly line),and Heathrow Airport, you lil' travel monkey you. Zone 3.

- Rent £327 / month (excl. bills, which are about £75 a month); Deposit £300; and no thieving robbing b@stard letting agents. Easy-going landlady too, won't rob your fillings while you're asleep.
- Available: around 22 June 2007
- Viewings: SHOWING PEOPLE ROUND MON/TUES/WED NIGHT THIS WEEK.
- Please email or call, I can't text you back cos I have fat fingers and a low attention span.


Housemates: All English - 1 girl, 3 guys: Katie - lovely lil' munchkin, smells like a goat; Khalid - heartless and hungover, with a tongue furrier than a panda's !!!!; James - needs to buy more posh crisps; Wayne - nope, he's not a plumber, decorator, boy-racer or from Essex.

LOOKING FOR... easygoing, funloving*, prof'l female (to even things out), ideally mid-late 20s. Who likes a drink. And thinks old people falling over is funny. Sorry, NO COUPLES - if I wanna hear people arguing about bad sex, I can just move back in with my parents, thankyouverymuch.


Sorry, NO muppets, puppets, mutants, morons, spazmos, gizmos, gimps, gonks, bassheads, pondlife, wildlife, cretins, eppies, flids, joeys, windowlickers, spackas, ginggers, mingers, munters, mooses, huffers, ventriloquists, or jugglers.
- And no "feisty" in-yer-face mooters either. You're not feisty, just annoying - even Samaritans wanna come round and break wind through your letterbox.


So...... if you are interested AND interesting (but not in a genetic ****-up kinda way), please call, email, smoke signal. Fly a big kite. Paint a message on a fat kid (but get parents' permission first - plumpies got rights too).


K.

* Funloving does NOT mean having a big shiny new zip on your ****ing anorak.

Enjoy???? I know I did

aceyjill

Has anyone got a bike, my backwheel has destroyed itself.

cheekyweegit

I'm not going to mess around; I've got a wedding booked for Saturday 11th August (date non-negotiable)but I've had to let the groom go which leaves me with a vacancy on my hands. As everything is booked and paid for I have nothing to lose.

If you're free on the 11th and fancy getting hitched drop me a line. I'm 27, slim, blonde and a good catch- even if previous groom couldn't see that...

cheekyweegit

Very unusual ad! Have 6 (3 sets of 2) Silicone Breast Implants various sizes. Not been used! They were sample implants used during cosmetic surgery consultations but have been informed they are excellent to use as Prostetic/fake breasts for Transvestites/Transexuals & Drag Queens. So come on this opportunity does not arise often and they would be very expensive to buy from the manufacturer. Email me if you want pictures.

What can you say to this?

aceyjill

Hi again, i am just wondering, if anyone has a sofa bed in good
condition, as i have family coming to stay ,but nothing they can sleep
on, a big thank you

.Family? husband, wife and 10 kids?

cheekyweegit

aceyjill wrote: »

. Hi again, i am just wondering, if anyone has a sofa bed in good condition, as i have family coming to stay ,but nothing they can sleep on, a big thank you?

We operate on the one size floor fits all when folks come to stay and not enough beds. Ok they might on occasion get out the camping mattresses, and the sleeping bags, before sticking them all back in the loft when finished. So much easier and less hastle.

After all what do you do with a spare sofa when the guests have gone? :rolleyes:

cheekyweegit

Thats right its true.

I mortaly wounded one of my favourite socks today, it wasn't pretty - my toe got caught in his neck and tore a rather larger hole in him. I did all I could but just could not save the poor fella. I now seem to have a bit of a dilema. I can no longer bear to look at my one lone healthy sock but can not bring myself to just throw him away. I have therefore come to the painful decision to give him away to a good home.

Perhaps this may be suitable to someone with one leg?

The sock is size nine, brown in color and well behaved

Also availible: 1 brown torn up sock, would make suitable blanket for rat or mouse

snitterling

Wanteds are appearing in our café now

Hi, can anyone recommend a roofer that would cover <place name removed>

Wouldn't that require an awful lot of roofing felt?