Mates stag do

Carl31

I was invited on a mates stag do initially in February this year. I have known this guy for about 30 years, since we were tiny, but over the past few years our relationship has got pretty distant, not through my want of trying, i just always seem to get blown out, or never called/text these days by this mate. I do know he finds time for other people though, mainly those in the friends circle through his soon to be wife.

I kind of feel obliged to go due to our history, but kind of feel that as hes made no effort lately (I've not physically seen him since January, and that was for his sons christening) I am just invited as a number/for historic reasons, and hence am not really keen on the thought of going, but at the same time feel I might be being a little petty. Im not put out that he never makes an effort as such, as I realise people drift apart, but for the same reasons feel a bit uncomfortable about going

Anyone been in the same boat?

WTFH

If it's a night out somewhere, I'd go - i.e. not expensive.
This could be a good opportunity to meet his new friends, you may get to like some of them and it might be good for your friendship with him.

If it was a weekend in Prague staying in a 5* hotel, etc, I'd probably give it a miss.

Carl31

WTFH wrote: »

If it's a night out somewhere, I'd go - i.e. not expensive.
This could be a good opportunity to meet his new friends, you may get to like some of them and it might be good for your friendship with him.

If it was a weekend in Prague staying in a 5* hotel, etc, I'd probably give it a miss.

This is a weekend jobby, should have said that actually, so its at least £200 minimum

If it was a night out, it would be fine

It means arranging for kids to be looked after etc.. as my wife works weekends. Other mates this has never been an issue for, but for this one I am questioning whether its worth it, which probably speaks volumes about the situation

SailorSam

It's not exactly the same but a few years ago i got invited to a family wedding in the sun which cost me just under £1000. I didn't see a lot of them and we weren't particularly close so kept saying i didn't want to go. 'Cos we're not a big family the bride kept saying she wanted me there and in the end i gave in to her pressure. I think it was more a case of showing off to say see how important i am, how much better than everyone else. And it was very nice, but probably cost the same as a small house.
A few years down the line we hardly see each other, just send cards etc. I'm sorry i never stood my ground.

Farway

I would just skip it, times & relationships move on

Bella73

As you are questioning it when at others times have gone no question, I would save your money and not go. It's not like you see him all the time and if he gives you grief about not going just be honest and tell him it is because you don't we see him anymore.

Soleil_lune

Yep, I have also had 'friends' like this who really never bother with me unless they have something to brag about - whether it's a car/new boyfriend/new flat/wedding/new baby/blah blah bloomin' blah.

These are 'friends' who I have gently eased out of my life, to make way for newer, more reliable friends who care enough about me to contact me more than once every 1.5 to 2 years to brag about something, or ask me to some event so that they can show off.

I am too long in the tooth now, to be arsed with these fair-weather friends who give nothing but a pathetic and tedious boast-filled round-robin every Christmas, until they're ready to invite you to something that they have spent multiple 1000s on, to show you how amazing they are. You know, the kind of tw*t who goes on Friends Reunited, to tell everyone what an outstanding life they have, with their 6 figure salary, kids in top universities, 3 high performance cars and supermodel wife.

I have a suspicion that this man may be this type of person. I would politely decline. Don't even give a reason. If he does ask; tell him what someone said earlier in the thread: that you don't really see each other anymore, and it would just be a bit awkward. If he's offended, does it matter, if you never see him anyway?

bagpussbear

I would decline, and be honest and just say you can't afford it right now.

But for old time sakes, offer to take him out for a drink/curry instead. Suggest some dates, and then leave it up to him to accept your offer or not. If not, then too bad for him!

1886

I would'nt bother going if it was me. I think that somebody who has'nt made the effort to see you since January should just be forgotten. You said that you've tried and they have'nt really, you can only do that so many times.

When I left college in 2001 I stayed in touch with about five lads but gradually over the years that has became two and I have'nt seen one of those for over six years but we email now and again. People change and sometimes the one thing you had in common is removed so you no longer have that common ground.

Move on dude, you've tried and it needs to work both ways

goonarmy

If hes thought of you on the guest list that means your on his mind even if not on his schedule

housebuyer2

I would definately go - if you dont that will surely be the end of any kind of friendship you have with him. I would not want to throw away 30 years of friendship just because you are feeling a bit put-out.

It is not easy to find people who you know so well and know so much about (even if not the recent things).

It sounds like you miss his friendship and he probably feels the same way - you mention he mainly seems involved with his wifes circle of friends, which suggests he is probably a but 'under the thumb'.

I would go - and hope that it renews your friendship and emans you will see each other more often - there is nothing like a good pi$$ up to remind each other why you are friends!!