Relationship breakdown

Heartless

Last night received a phone call from my now ex ripping me to shreds saying how much he hates me resents me and basically calling me all the names under the sun. We split up last week as he said he needed to sort his life out but he has been constantly ringing and texting saying he is sorry and can I come and see him and can I make sure I text him etc we had been friends for years prior to going out. Last night was an out of the blue call saying how I forced him into a relationship how he has resented me for ages and he's been saying to text him everyday to try and be nice to me. I'm devastated that anyone would think I would try and force a relationship on someone and that he would even hate me. He says he wants to throw our years of friendship away Aswell which is hard. I just don't know what to do I'm so upset Ii have loads of stuff at his house with no means of getting it back. Where do I go from here? Sorry for the ramble maybe I just needed to get it off my chest so I can feel better.

FBaby

He is hurt, and hurt will grow into anger. Because you are the reason for his hurt, you are the target for his anger. Don't take his words at face value, he would have thrown anything that he knew would hurt you.

The best thing to do is to stop all contact until he gets over this phase. Maybe he will move on and you can have some sort of friendship again, or the anger won't totally go away and you will have to move your own way and never have contact again.

Get someone else to pick your things up.

Dovah_diva

I'd tell him to go f@ck himself, to be honest. There are no excuses for such boorish behaviour and he shouldn't be taking out his hurt on you. I am sure you're not that bad a person and don't deserve to be spoken to like that.

Arrange for someone to collect your stuff, then delete his details and block him on your phone.

Prothet_of_Doom

As you go through life, you realise that you can't force someone to love you unconditionally, you can't force people to do what you want, and screaming down the phone, never fixes anything and always makes it worse.

Look on this as part of growing up for your ex. An experience in emotional pain, that will make him stronger. As my best man once said "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger........ ..pause... ....Apart from polio"

What you do is this : Write a letter stating, that a) you were once friends, b) you will always remember the happy times, c) you can't live a lie, and you know you don't and won't ever love him enough, and d) when he stops screaming, you hope that you can one day be freinds again.
and e) I've sent my friend to pick up my things because I can't be in the same room as you whilst you are so upset and angry.
and f) Please don't try to contact me because that would be unkind.

marisco_2

Heartless wrote: »

We split up last week as he said he needed to sort his life out

It's not just his life he needs to sort out is it! He sounds like a person who is hurting, lashing out and being very spiteful. The pain of your relationship split is still too raw for either of you to be able to stay in contact right now. Save yourself a whole heap of heartache and cut out all emails, texts, phone calls, facebook etc. Give each other plenty of time and space and move on calmly. Maybe one day when he can be civil it may be possible to resurrect the friendship you once shared. Till then avoid any communication with him and don't let his views bring you down. Your value doesn't decrease based on his inability to currently appreciate your worth.

pukkamum

It seems to me he just wanted to get all that off his chest, I'm not saying it's acceptable but maybe understandable.
Hopefully that'll be closure for him now and I should just forget about it and move on.
I agree get someone else to pick your stuff up.

Sinhanada

It's hard, but staying friends in the immediate aftermath of a breakup in my opinion very rarely works. As other people have said on here arrange for someone else to pick up your stuff, or you go with someone else to pick up your stuff.

As for why he has done and said what he has - yes it is down to hurt and anger, but there is never any need for the type of things he has said. He will probably calm down and then you can make your mind as to whether you want to continue a friendship with him - and in the meantime you will do well to keep your guard up around him

Mojisola

Heartless wrote: »

We split up last week as he said he needed to sort his life out but he has been constantly ringing and texting saying he is sorry and can I come and see him and can I make sure I text him etc

I had someone break up with me who then went all out to get back together again. I talked to a mutual friend about it and he said "Well, you weren't supposed to leave when he said he wanted to break up. The plan was that you'd start rushing around at his beck and call, trying to make his life good for him". Now there was an ex who really didn't know me at all!

System

Last night received a phone call from my now ex ripping me to shreds saying how much he hates me resents me and basically calling me all the names under the sun. We split up last week as he said he needed to sort his life out but he has been constantly ringing and texting saying he is sorry and can I come and see him and can I make sure I text him etc we had been friends for years prior to going out. Last night was an out of the blue call saying how I forced him into a relationship how he has resented me for ages and he's been saying to text him everyday to try and be nice to me.

He's just an @rse. Not only that he cant make his mind up as to what he wants.

Bazey

How does anyone force someone into a relationship? There is hope for maintenanceman.

Heartless

Thanks for your replies. He has rang a few times bringing up the past and then saying he didn't mean what he said. As for my stuff he has cancelled my calls the past few times I have rung so no look on that front. My heads all over so that's why my reply wasn't sooner. Thanks again